Maybe I'll do long Leverage fic one day.

FYI (Leverage, Eliot/Hardison, 760 words, no spoilers.)


"Now," says Hardison, "I think everyone knows why I called you here."

"You said you had a job for us," says Nate.

"That's true. But that's only because if I said I needed to talk to y'all about my feelings, you wouldn't have come."

Parker raises her hand. "I don't relate well to other people's feelings. May I be excused?"

"No."

"I don't care about your feelings," says Eliot. "Can I be excused?"

"Hell no. Sit down, shut up, and watch the presentation."

"Let's listen, guys," says Nate. "Hardison has something to say."

"Thank you," says Hardison. "All right. Now, you know, I don't mind if you guys asked me to join the team to, like, deal with your white guilt. I'm okay being your token black guy. And your token Jewish guy."

"Our what?" asks Sophie.

"Hell, I don't even complain about your racial stereotyping."

"When did we stereotype?" asks Nate.

"Assuming I was a criminal."

"We know you're a criminal," Nate points out. "Can we get to the point sometime soon, Hardison?"

"Fine," says Hardison. He pushes a button, and the title: I am not your token gay dude (maybe try Eliot instead) flashes on screen. If power points were a lot more awesome and technologically advanced, this would be one.

"Hey," says Eliot mildly.

"Please hold questions til the end," says Hardison. "Exhibit one."

"That's me taking you shopping," says Sophie, sounding baffled.

"Yes. Who can tell me something about the stuff I am wearing here?"

Parker raises her hand. "The jeans make your legs look funny."

"It's much more age appropriate than cardigans," says Sophie.

"This is completely irrelevant," says Nate.

"That shirt really brings out your eyes," says Eliot.

"What I was going for was 'they are really gay,'" says Hardison.

"They are not!" Sophie objects. "Well, maybe the jeans."

"Anyway, Eliot brings us nicely to exhibit two."

"Me watching hockey?" asks Eliot, looking surprised. "And you doing...whatever it is you do."

"Let's check out Eliot's line of sight here," Hardison says, pushing another button so there's a clear line on the screen from Eliot's eyes to his own ass.

"Why do you even have pictures of this?" Nate asks.

"Security. I film everything that happens in here. What if someone breaks in?"

"What is this supposed to prove?" asks Eliot.

Parker raises her hand. "Eliot likes Hardison's ass."

"Thank you, Parker, gold star."

Parker looks pleased.

"Because I glanced at it during a hockey game."

Hardison smirks. Suddenly, there are a whole lot more pictures of Eliot looking at Hardison's ass.

"Some of those aren't in Leverage Headquarters," says Sophie. "Why do you have pictures of that?"

"That one's in my apartment," says Eliot. "Are you filming my apartment?"

"If you're not gay why are you in Eliot's apartment?" asks Parker.

"Don't film my apartment. That's my sanctuary."

"You know, Hardison, I didn't think you were gay before this presentation," says Nate. "But now I'm wondering."

"Oh, hell no, he's the one checking out my ass!"

"I already knew Eliot liked guys," says Nate.

"Wait, what?"

"I do like guys," Eliot grants.

"Wait you've actually been hitting on me?" asks Hardison. Eliot shrugs.

Parker raises her hand. "I'm uncomfortable with Eliot and Hardison's sexual tension. May I be excused?"

"Yes," says Nate. "Actually, I think we can all be excused."

"Thank you for raising your hand, Parker," says Hardison as she goes. "That was real polite of you."

And then it's just him and Eliot alone in front of a montage of pictures of Eliot and his ass.

"So," says Hardison. "You like dudes."

"Seriously, don't film my apartment."

"It was one time!"

"Why?"

"So I could get more pictures for my presentation."

"That's why you came to hang out?"

Hardison flounders. "No! I mean, you know, you're kind of cool, to hang out with. I guess. You know, not all bad. Or something."

Eliot smirks. "You nervous, Hardison?"

"Me? I'm cool. Cucumber cool. The coolest."

Eliot moves closer.

Hardison moves back.

"I can tell," says Eliot.

"I'm just," says Hardison. "I like the ladies."

"Me too."

"And the dudes."

"And the dudes," agrees Eliot.

"And me."

Eliot shrugs.

"Why me?" asks Hardison.

"You're hot," says Eliot.

"I am hot," Hardison agrees.

Eliot steps closer. Hardison doesn't step back.

"I'm not gonna be the token gay guy," says Hardison.

"Okay," says Eliot.

"I am not just here to be a minority. I provide a valuable service."

"I know," says Eliot. He's getting closer.

"I'm awesome," says Hardison.

"Shut up, Hardison."

Hardison shuts up.