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HAPPY BIRTHDAY TIMMY

just one pair of clean socks
[23:01] <Dean^Winchester> I'm not a 80's hooker
[23:01] <Sam^Winchester> I think the brick pants and cowboy shoot tell a different story
[23:01] <Sam^Winchester> I call it "The Jensen Ackles is an 80s Hooker Story"
[23:01] <Sam^Winchester> It's a Lifetime movie.
[23:02] <Rose> .... Sam I will damn near /pay/ you to write that story. Especially if it's written ala lifetime movie


Jensen Ackles had never wanted to be a hooker.

But it was a hard life, out on the streets. He had fallen in with some bad crowds. He had done some drugs. And now he needed money, and he needed it fast.

"No Jensen," said his sister, "you cannot be a hooker think of our family."

"I have to, Mac!" said Jensen. "Don't even think of stopping me! It is important to me."

"But mother would be heartbroken oh Jen no Jen no."

"This ass was made for selling, Mac," he said, sighing with the weight of many tons of sorrow. "There is nothing you or I can do to stop this."

"It is hard living in 1986 and owning brick pants," said Mac. She started to cry.

It was indeed very hard living in 1986 and owning brick pants.

*

"You have to shake what god gave you," said Misha. Misha was kind of Jensen's hooker mentor. He understood how hard it is to be was to be pretty and have weird highlights.

Jensen shook his lips.

"Huh," said Misha. "I guess that only words if you actually have a cock in them."

Jensen was fairly sure that didn't really work either, but Misha had been hooking a lot longer than him.

*

"Hey, baby, how much for the night?" asked the ridiculously tall man in the ridiculously long limo.

Jensen froze. Could this be it? The time when he finally proved himself to be a totally awesome eighties hooker, capable of picking up gay men who liked twinks in brick pants?

"Why don't we talk about it inside, big boy?" he asked.

"Come in," said the tall man in a low, seductive voice.

Jensen came in.

It was super hot.

*

"You are too pretty to be a hooker," said Jared, the tall man with the limo.

They had just hot hot, steamy, hooker sex.

"I'm to pretty not to be a hooker," said Jensen. "My ass is both a blessing and a curse."

Jared squeezed it. "To me, it is only a blessing."

Jensen had to admit the truthiness of this statement.

"Jensen," said Jared. "I have fallen in love with you, and your tales of your street urchin family, who have fallen on hard times, forcing you to sell yourself on the street."

"This is awkward," said Jensen. "As a hooker, I don't believe in emotional attachments."

"How about sugar daddies? Do you believe in sugar daddies?"

"Yes I do," said Jensen.

"Hot damn. Let us commemorate this occasion with ass fucking."

"Will you pay me?"

"Yes, that is how sugar daddies work. Do you need a diagram?"

"That might be helpful."

Jared drew Jensen a diagram explaining sugar daddies.

It was super hot.

*

"Jared," said Jensen. "I cannot believe you selflessly rescued me and my lovable but dirty family from a life of poverty."

"I did," agrees Jared. "I got nothing from that deal except for hot sex whenever I want."

"I have realized these feelings in my chest might be love."

"We had a big lunch. Are you sure it's not heartburn?"

"I took some Tums and it's still going."

Jared nodded. "Yeah, that sounds like love. But I thought hookers didn't feel love?"

Jensen's eyes shone with many emotions. "Maybe I'm not really a hooker after all."

"Oh Jensen!" said Jared. His eyes also shone with many emotions. It was a time of much feeling. "Can we now kiss?"

"Yes," said Jensen. "The spell of eighties hookerdom has been broken and I am free."

They kissed.

It was super hot.

"Can I burn your brick pants?" asked Jared.

"No," said Jensen. "I will cherish them forever."

"I guess that is okay too," said Jared.


THE END.

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Comments

shuts_cakehole
Jan. 18th, 2009 04:39 am (UTC)
dean would i be sarcastic to you
jerkchester
Jan. 18th, 2009 04:40 am (UTC)
That's a trick question right?
shuts_cakehole
Jan. 18th, 2009 04:47 am (UTC)
would i trick question you
jerkchester
Jan. 18th, 2009 04:48 am (UTC)
Let me think REAL HARD--Yes.
shuts_cakehole
Jan. 18th, 2009 04:51 am (UTC)
dean why can't you trust me

is it your hooking past
jerkchester
Jan. 18th, 2009 04:52 am (UTC)
First off.

not a hooker.
shuts_cakehole
Jan. 18th, 2009 04:58 am (UTC)
or are you
jerkchester
Jan. 18th, 2009 04:58 am (UTC)
are not.
shuts_cakehole
Jan. 18th, 2009 05:03 am (UTC)
do you need the pictures again
jerkchester
Jan. 18th, 2009 05:05 am (UTC)
...No.
shuts_cakehole
Jan. 18th, 2009 05:06 am (UTC)
Okay then.

:D
jerkchester
Jan. 18th, 2009 05:08 am (UTC)
♥!

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just one pair of clean socks
longsufferingly
it made us kind of happy and kept me off of drugs

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