Jensen cricks his neck to the side, rolling his shoulders back and yawning. He isn't old, he knows, but he gets tired these days. His hands shake a little during surgery now, his glasses are stronger, his temples are turning gray.

Jared is on the porch when he gets to the house, writing long-hand in the swing. He looks up when the first stair creaks and gives a blinding grin.

"Welcome home," he says.

Jensen sits down next to him, looks around. Their closest neighbors are far away, and he risks dropping his head to Jared's shoulder. Jared leans back.

"Long day?" asks Jared.

"They're all long," says Jensen. Then, "Tell me what you're writing."

"You'll fall asleep before I get halfway into it."

"Tell me anyway."

Jared smiles and does as he's told.

A month after they start dating, Jared tells Jensen he wants to take him out.

"Somewhere nice," he adds.

"Thai?" Jensen suggests.

"No," says Jared. "Nice nice."

"Repeating a word doesn't make it more meaningful," says Jensen.

"A real restaurant." Jensen catches on and starts to protest. Jared holds up his hands. "Okay, logically," he says, which is an excellent way to start an argument, assuming what follows is actually logical. With Jared, it's hard to predict. "A more expensive restaurant caters to a higher class, more selective clientele. So they'd be more hygienic."

Jensen considers this. "I guess..."

"So I'm taking you out somewhere nice," says Jared, with a beam.

"Can I still bring my own silverware?"

"Duh."

*

Over dessert, Jared clears his throat, rubs the back of his neck, and says, nervously, "I love you."

Jensen eats some chocolate mousse. It's really awesome.

Jared fidgets and doesn't say anything more.

"And?" Jensen asks.

Jared chokes. "What do you mean?"

"Was that going somewhere?"

"No! Just--I love you."

"I know," says Jensen.

"It was supposed to be a big deal!"

"It is," says Jensen. No one outside his immediate family has ever loved him before.

"I've never said it before!"

"We established our feelings a week into the relationship," says Jensen.

"Yeah, but that's--" Jared runs his hand through his hair. "Nevermind."

Jensen has absolutely no idea what he did wrong here. He wonders if Jared wanted an answer. "I love you too," he tries. He likes the way it sounds.

Jared blinks at him, then laughs. "You're a freak, Jensen."

"Genius," says Jensen.

"Freak," says Jared, but it sounds a lot like I love you.

Jensen is absolutely and completely not jealous.

So Jared's movie is kicking his movie's ass. It's not a big deal. His movie is doing better on Rotten Tomatoes (not that he's obsessively refreshing or anything), and Jared's is part of a bigger franchise. Plus, Jared's franchise is super lame, because Jason Takes Manhattan or whatever was terrible, and then there was that one where he fought Freddy Kruger in space, and yeah. Jensen's movie is totally more respectable.

"Don't be jealous, man," says Jared.

Jensen rolls his eyes. "Yeah, I'm dying here. I wish I was in a higher grossing crappy horror movie."

But he kind of does.

If Jensen got rich and famous (and he likes to think he might), he'd keep calling Jared every day. He'd keep hanging out with Jared.

But what if Jared gets rich and famous and doesn't?

"I'm not jealous," he mutters again. "I got three dimensions."

"Don't worry," says Jared, grinning, "I'll still like you when I'm awesome."

"You're never gonna be awesome," says Jensen easily, but he feels lighter, somehow. Jared can be callous, forgetful, and kind of a douche occasionally, but he's honest.

Of course, it turns out that once the weird worry goes away, Jensen is actually jealous.

Stupid fucking Jason.

I CAN TRY but I need more information about Muppet Babies, because I haven't seen that since I was about three and have no idea what actually happened |D;;;

A very similar thing happened in a BBT episode (a random grad student started stalking Sheldon and Sheldon didn't notice she was basically dating him and everyone else had to explain. IT ENDED UP A LOT MORE LIKE THAT.

--

Occasionally, Jensen picks up grad students.

If Jensen were anyone else he had ever dated, Jared would probably be jealous about it, but Jensen is Jensen. And Jensen has no idea that he's ever picked anyone up in his life.

The newest one is named Katie. She's very pretty and very smart and knows a lot about physics, and Jared's already heard a lot about how nice and helpful and interested in Jensen's research she is by the time she finally follows him home.

Jared's lounging on the couch, reading one of Jensen's comic books, when they come in.

"Who are you?" the girl asks.

"Jared," he says, flipping the page. "Where's Jensen?"

"He has important work to do," says the girl. "You should leave so you don't distract him."

Jared raises his eyebrows. "What?"

Jensen comes in and sits down next to Jared, leans over to kiss him. "Hey."

Jared smiles into the kiss. "Hey."

"What is this?" asks Katie.

"Boyfriend time," says Jensen, snuggling in next to Jared. Jared wraps his arm around Jensen and puts the comic between them so they can both read.

"But your research!" Katie protests.

"Boyfriend time," Jensen repeats. "Six-thirty to eight."

Jared beams.

Katie storms off in a huff, and Jared pokes Jensen in the ribs. "You know she wanted in your pants, right?"

Jensen blinks. "To check their size?"

Jared shakes his head. "Never mind."

"So how's being married?" asks Jared, kicking Tom's leg.

"We never have sex anymore," says Mike. "He always has a headache. He won't shut up about his biological clock."

"I can't tell the difference between you being drunk and you being sarcastic," Jared comments.

"I'm usually both," says Mike.

"It's good," says Tom happily.

"When are you making an honest man out of Jensen here?"

Jensen chokes. "Leave me out of this."

Jared gets up, crosses the room, and sits down on Jensen's lap. "I'll make an honest man out of you someday, baby."

Jensen shoves him half-heartedly. "Get off me, giant."

Jared leans down and nuzzles next to Jensen's ear. "I'm going to, you know."

Jensen swallows, shivers a little, and then recovers enough to push Jared off his lap.

"My legs were falling asleep," he explains with a smirk.

"Vera's Burger Shack," says Jared.

"It's a shack. Shacks are run down and dirty."

"It's just a name."

"If they didn't want to seem run down and dirty the should have named it something else."

Jared sighs. "Nat's Pizzeria."

"I'd have to see it."

"So that's a maybe?"

"I guess," says Jensen, sounding grudging.

"Tim Horton's."

"Chain."

"You eat at chains."

"Not Canadian ones."

"Jensen, I love you, but I am going to strangle you."

Jensen looks kind of pained, lets out a long sigh, and stands up. "We can drive around," he says. "I'll visit some places. And find," he looks like getting the words out is actually hurting him, "at least six."

Jared kisses him. "No but," he corrects. "You're awesome."

Edited at 2009-02-19 04:27 am (UTC)

When Sophia told Danneel she and Chad were getting a divorce, Danneel brought over whiskey.

Sophia wrinkled her nose at it. "I don't like whiskey."

Danneel drank it straight from the bottle. "It's good for broken hearts."

"It's not broken," said Sophia. "It's pissed off."

"Drink," said Danneel, and Sophia could taste her lipstick around the rim of the bottle.

*

"He's a jerk," said Sophia, sloppy-drunk and tired, leaning hard on Danneel's shoulder.

"You shouldn't have married him," said Danneel.

"I shouldn't've."

"If you'd been free when I met you," said Danneel, into Sophia's hair.

Sophia giggled. "What?"

"What?"

"If then what?"

"Oh," said Danneel, and then she laughed, turned, and kissed Sophia.

She pulled back immediately, and Sophia followed.

"You're not a jerk," said Sophia.

"That's why I'm going to stop," said Danneel, but she didn't move away.

Sophia kissed her this time.

*

After Danneel kneaded her breasts, licked down her stomach, fucked her with her tongue til Sophia could barely stand it, there was a quiet time, breath and heartbeats.

Finally, Sophia said, "If I'd been free."

"Yeah," said Danneel.

"I'm free now," said Sophia, and turned over, kissed Danneel, dropped her hand between Danneel's legs, and loved it all.

Somehow, Jensen has never actually met David Boreanaz.

It started out as coincidence; their paths just kept not crossing. But then Chris kept saying how they'd get along and shit, and it became kind of a pride thing for Jensen. He hated David Boreanaz without ever having met him, on principle.

When they finally do meet, it's because Jared insists that Jensen come to some party with him. Chris insisted too, but it's easier to evade Chris with excuses about work and/or Canada, because Chris doesn't work with him or live in Canada. But when Jared tells him to do shit, it's pretty hard to come up with reasonable excuses.

So Jensen goes to a party, and Chris is already drunk as fuck when he gets there.

"Jensen!" says Chris, like Jensen is his best friend. Which Jensen isn't. David Boreanaz is.

"Hi, Chris," says Jensen, kind of pissily. He needs booze, and needs it now. Jared has disappeared, the fucker.

"Come on, you gotta meet Dave!"

"Yippee," says Jensen. There's still no booze in his life.

Dave is also drunk. Everyone in the world is drunk but Jensen. Jared's probably drunk now too.

"Sup," says Dave. He gives Jensen a beer. "Drink up, man."

Okay, so. Maybe, possibly, David Boreanaz isn't all bad.

As far as Jared's concerned, everyone should know how to do a shot of tequila. The fact that Jensen doesn't know how to do a shot of anything is kind of impressive, and Jared would feel bad about destroying that kind of record, except that he likes drinking, and nothing makes him feel like more of an ass than being drunk alone.

"I don't like salt," says Jensen, wrinkling his nose. "Or alcohol. Or sour things."

"Trust me, they're better together."

Jensen sighs and takes out his notepad. He insisted Jared write him instructions, because he's Jensen, and a special human being.

1. Lick hand (back).
2. Salt moistened area.
3. Lick hand again, to remove salt.
4. Drink tequila.
5. Suck lime.
6. Repeat until drunk enebriated inebriated.

"It sounds complicated," says Jensen, wrinkling his nose.

"Jensen," says Jared, "you're a genius. You can do one shot."

"I'm supposed to do a lot of shots," Jensen points out.

"Well," says Jared, "we start with one and go from there."

Edited at 2009-02-20 11:48 pm (UTC)

Continuing from this drabble!

--

"This is gonna be weird," says Jensen.

He hasn't ever really thought that much about being attracted to Jared. Sure, back in the beginning, when Jared was a real star, not a has-been trying one last gamble to make it back to the top, Jensen had thought he was attractive. But he'd been hooking up with every starlet in sight back then and probably had more STDs than Jensen could name, so it wasn't like Jensen thought about it.

And now Jensen is old and fat and tired, and Jared is still skinny and, okay, a little funny-looking, but still fit and--okay, yeah--kind of hot.

Jensen watched him critically as he sang naked on national TV and got a little turned on, and was pretty much totally distressed by this fact, because, Jesus, he had a guitar covering his junk.

Now it's after; Jared has sung, Jensen has watched, and they're awkwardly together in Jensen's apartment, trying to figure out where to go from Jared's whole love confession.

"No it's not," says Jared, slipping his hand under the hem of Jensen's t-shirt and ghosting his hand along Jensen's belly, pushing it up a little.

Jensen tries not to flinch back. He's, you know. Fat and pasty. And Jared is--Jared.

"What?" asks Jared, nuzzling Jensen's neck. Jensen can feel his chin wobble.

"You're gonna have a comeback," Jensen says. "I'm gonna be your fat manager."

"You're gonna be my hot boyfriend."

"I'm not getting liposuction," says Jensen.

Jared makes a huffy, annoyed sound. He squeezes Jensen's love handles. "You're already my hot boyfriend."

And Jensen somehow believes him.

"See, this is just mean," says Hardison.

"What is?" asks Parker. Eliot is trying to find his shirt; Parker, as usual, doesn't care about modesty.

"You knew I was interested."

Eliot roots around for his pants. "I'm not sure which one of us you're talking to."

"Either! Both."

"Interested in what?" asks Parker.

"You! And now y'all are having sex with each other."

"He's attractive," Parker points out."

"I like crazy," says Eliot.

"I'm attractive! I can be crazy!"

"Who do you want to have sex with again?" asks Parker.

"I don't care!"

"Okay," says Parker, "then join in."

No one has ever given Jensen a unicorn before.

"Seriously?" asks Jensen.

"Allie's pimper than you," says Jared easily, flashing his dimples as he smiles. Jensen's heart lurches in his chest; this is the worst time to get a crush, seriously.

"She does have a ton of guys hanging all over her," Jensen grants.

"Is what I'm saying," Jared agrees. "Dude, cotton candy!"

"You already ate your weight in fried dough," says Jensen, torn between being impressed and wanting to hurl. Jared is kind of a force of nature.

"You callin' me fat?" asks Jared.

Jensen makes a point of looking Jared up and down, all bazillion feet of him. He's toned and tanned and the best thing Jensen's ever seen, but Jensen doesn't say that.

Instead, he pokes, "Someday your metabolism is going to fail and you're going to become spherical."

Jared laughs. "But you'll still be my friend, right?"

The bitch of it, Jensen wants to.

This is not how reality TV is supposed to work.

The first time Dean kisses Sam (well, the first time since Stanford), Dean is drunk, and Sam pulls away because, as good as it feels, he doesn't want Dean to get pissed about him taking advantage.

But when Dean slumps against him, Sam's willing to take him to bed--just to sleep. Just to sleep, honest.

He buries his face in Dean's hair, mouth by his ear, and says, "I want you."

He doesn't want Dean to wake up and think Sam wanted to stop kissing him. He can't think of anything he wants less.

"I want you," he says again. "I want you, I want you."

"You know it's winter, right?" says Jensen. He's having trouble figuring out where to start with his arguments. There are so many good ones. It's like a party of Jared being retarded.

"Indians probably canoed in the winter. I mean, Native Americans."

"You're not an Indian ora Native American. You're an actor."

"Canoes are awesome," Jared argues. It's not really an argument, but that's never stopped Jared before.

"You're going to die in an icy river. In Canada."

"You can write a memoir about in. In Cold Water."

"Like In Cold Blood, but retarded?"

"You are writing it," says Jared easily.

"I'm not the one who bought a fucking canoe in fucking Vancouver in fucking winter."

"Don't be jealous. You can totally come out with me."

"You're trying to kill me, aren't you."

"No, I'd poison your food."

"So you're trying to kill yourself."

"It's going to be awesome. Quit being a fucking girl."

Jensen sighs. His manhood is involved now.

He's probably going to die.

Jensen has never put a lot of thought into children. His belief that his genes should be passed on is always at war with his knowledge that he would probably be a terrible parent.

But Jared likes children, and dogs, and all kinds of things that need nuturing care.

"You're good with Heisenberg," Jared points out.

Heisenberg is a dog. It's different. Jensen says as much.

"I bet before we got her, you thought you'd be bad with dogs too."

Jensen has to admit this is true, but he's not sure he has to admit this to Jared.

"I'm not saying now," says Jared, giving Jensen a pleading look that is completely unfair. "I'm just saying . . . maybe."

"Okay," says Jensen. "Maybe."

The thing is, Jensen's got to respect Padalecki, a little.

The guy's a bastard, sure, but he's an efficient, effective bastard. He's got style, and flair, and he knows what's up.

Which is why Jensen doesn't immediately assume Padalecki is an idiot when he finds him in the bar near his office.

"Evening, Detective Ackles," says Padalecki, with a little smirk. He raises his glass--scotch on the rocks, Jensen has to approve.

"I'm not a cop," says Jensen. "Whiskey," he adds, to the bartender. "Double."

"Don't tell me I drive you to drink, Mr. Ackles."

"Jensen."

Padalecki smiles wider. "Jensen," he drawls.

"What are you doing here?"

Padalecki stretches, rolls his shoulders. "Heard you're investigating the Graham murder."

"Don't tell me it's you."

Padalecki snorts. "Not even. Just think you should be careful. It's bad shit going down there."

"Why do you care?"

Padalecki looks Jensen up and down, his eyes lidded and dark. He finally drags his eyes back to Jensen's face and smirks again. "You're my favorite private dick," he says.

Before Jensen can respond, he downs his drink and gets up. "Be seeing you," he says. "Jensen."

"I am not meeting your nana."

"You're going to her grave, it's not a big deal," says Hardison.

"What part of going to your grandma's grave isn't a big deal?" asks Eliot.

"It's not like she can judge you."

"She'd judge me?"

"Nah, not really. Just, y'know, you got the gay hair."

"She doesn't like gay hair but she's okay with gay sex?"

"Woah, we are not telling my nana about gay sex."

"What exactly are we telling her?"

"That you're my friend Eliot and she doesn't have to worry I'm all alone and sad."

"So we're going to your nana's grave to lie about our relationship so she won't worry about you?"

"Pretty much."

"Man," says Eliot, "meeting a living family would suck less."

Of course, Jensen had met Steve's brother Chris before he was fifteen, but he had been much younger. Chris had gone to America to try to find his fortune, and was only returned to Avonlea for a short time before he planned to go back to his ranch.

"Don't see what he needs a ranch for," Steve muttered. "We've got cows and horses here in Avonlea."

"Does he like America?" Jensen asked, stretching his arms over his head.

"Of course he does. He tells me to join him every day, but after he left my mother won't hear of me going until I'm much older."

Jensen smirked. "You're her baby, you know."

Steve wrinkled his nose. "Be quiet, Jen."

"When does he come back?"

"He's due--" Steve cuts off, waving suddenly. "The liar! He said he wasn't coming in until tomorrow!"

Jensen turned and saw Chris and it was sudden, a punch in his gut--a feeling he'd heard of, something he was supposed to feel for girls.

He swallowed, terrified and overwhelmed, shaky on his feet even though he sat.

"Okay," says Jared. He's calm. He's rational, he can deal with this.

"Can you hurry up?" asks Jensen. "You picked the coldest beach ever."

Jared can tell this--Jensen's nipples are really hard. "Why do you even have nipples?" he asks. "Do mermaids breastfeed?"

"For the last time, douchebag, merman."

Jared snickers at this every fucking time, because he's always just thinking about Zoolander.

"Can we stop talking about my nipples and get to the point?"

"Your nipples are part of the point," says Jared.

"How?"

"Well, uh." He rubs his neck. "Look, I really like you. Like, a lot. But we actually live in two different worlds. Like, literally. Also, you don't have a dick, and I have no idea how we'd have sex, unless it's you just giving me blowjobs all the time. And don't get me wrong, I like blowjobs, but I need more out of a relationship."

Jensen just kind of stares at him.

"So if you had legs," Jared continues, "I'd be asking you out right now. But I don't know where we'd go."

"God," says Jensen, sounding almost awed. "You're a tool."

I actually had no real expectations when I made this journal! I just felt guilty about my friends who didn't like RPS having to see it on my regular LJ all the time.

Dean pokes his--Sam's--the body he is currently in's pec.

Sam is pretty sure this is going to go terribly. Actually, it's already going terribly. It's going from bad to worse, and probably to even worse. He feels short and kind of stumpy and really irritable. He's not sure if it's because he's actually angry or because Dean's body is just always ill-tempered. He could see that.

Dean pokes his pec again.

"I always wondered what it'd be like having boobs," he says, smirking at Sam.

"Shut up, Dean."

Jared likes to start sentences with "Hey, I bet I can."

Jensen never actually wants to take these bets. He actually, doesn't take them. He kind of grunts, and then Jared does stuff.

Like, Jared will say, "Hey, I bet I can jump over that parking meter," and Jensen will turn up his iPod, and Jared will nearly break one of his legs.

Or, "Hey, I bet I can get across the street before that car hits me," and three seconds later Jensen will hear the screech of brakes and Jared crowing, "I'm the champion!"

Sometimes Jared will put in terms. "Hey, if I can make Jim snort Coke out his nose, you'll owe me five bucks."

"I actually have to agree to bets," Jensen will tell him, but there's already soda coming out of Jim's nose, so he's kind of stuck.

The last day they're filming season four, Jared plops down next to him and says, "Hey, if I can make you kiss me, you have to kiss me."

"That doesn't even--" Jensen starts, but Jared is already kissing him, so he's kind of stuck.

I second the request for "Not In Front of the Kids" first date!