"So Jared and Jensen are pansies. But you're not a pansy, are you, Tommy," says Mike.

There's not really a good response to this question. Partly because the way Mike says it, it's not a question. The way Mike says it, Mike knows that Tom is not a pansy, and if Tom objects, then Mike is disappointed and all his dreams are shattered and Tom killed Santa Claus.

On the other hand, Tom has the sneaking suspicion that in this case, by "pansy" Mike means "person with a functioning sense of self-preservation." And Jared usually doesn't have one of those, so if Mike's plan is something Jared isn't down with, Tom thinks it might actual be fatal. So the real question is: Would Tom rather be a pansy or be dead?

"Definitely not a pansy," says Tom.

"That's my boy," says Mike, clapping him on the shoulder. "We're getting wasted."

And then he pulls enough tequila to kill an elephant out of his suitcase. Tom thinks it could actually either kill the elephant through alcohol poisoning or just, like, crush it. With the weight of all the booze. That is how much tequila Mike has.

"Why?" asks Tom. Because, seriously. There is no good reason for this.

"Tommy, Tommy, Tommy," says Mike, shaking his head. "I've missed so many weeks with you. We have to make up for lost time."

There's a twisted logic here. Terrible, twisted, possibly fatal logic.

But Tom already said he wasn't a pansy, so he's pretty much stuck.

"Cheers," says Tom.

Mike grins.

They might die.

*

"So then Jared was like GLARRRRR," says Tom. He doesn't remember what Jared actually said, or why he said it, but it's really important that Jared said something. For some reason.

"Dude," says Mike, giggling. "That's awesome." He looks concerned suddenly. For reasons unclear. "Where's the booze?"

"Drank," says Tom. That sucks. The booze always gets drunk and leaves. "Drunk! Gone! Like you. Gone like you. It went off to find new jobs because it didn't love me anymore."

"You drank me because I don't love you?" asks Mike. That doesn't sound quite right.

"You drank yourself! And the booze!"

"I did?"

"Yes!"

"Dude, drinking myself would be awesome," says Mike with a grin. "But I'm not that flexible."

"I meant emo...emot...with your brain!"

"What?"

"Feelings!"

Mike stares at him for long enough that Tom forgets why he started staring. "Man, I missed this," says Mike.

"We'd still do this. Except. You drank yourself."

"We're doing this."

"Once! And then you go home and I stay here and it sucks." Tom feels sad. He looks for the booze, but it's gone, and he's alone. Except Mike is here. But Mike is going to be gone and he's going to be alone.

"Hey," says Mike, and Mike is close. Like. He teleported. Mike has superpowers. His face is also really close to Tom's and his hand is near Tom's face and everything is too close and too strange and it feels the same and different at the same time, but Tom doesn't know what it's being the same or different from. Everything is confused, or just Tom is confused and projecting.

"You have hair," says Tom. He hadn't really noticed before, but this close, it's impossible to ignore. Mike has hair.

"Shut up," says Mike, and kisses him.

Tom was already kind of dizzy, but Mike's lips on his make him dizzier, right away, so it's not even the losing air. It's--it's Mike and the way he just keeps pressing in until Tom opens his mouth and then it's kind of like they're drinking again because they're so much tequila on their breaths that Tom can't even taste Mike in there. So they kiss until he can, until Tom memorizes the shape of Mike's teeth with his tongue, until Tom's kind of afraid he'll pass out, until Mike is in his lap with his hands under Tom's shirt and they're both panting.

"You got me drunk and took advantage of me," says Tom.

"Yeah," says Mike.

"Can you do it more?" asks Tom, cupping his hand around the back of Mike's neck and feeling the hair there. Hair.

"Yeah," says Mike, and he does.

Hey, it's a lot of letters put together! That's all you need to make a word in my book.

--this kind of ended up, like. I don't know. PAST sekrit highschool crushes. Which I hope is okay.

--------



"Dude, you know no one really writes these, right?"

Jared looks up from his locker. As soon as he's actually standing, he'll tower over Jensen, but for the moment, Jensen revels in his being taller. Stupid Padalecki genes.

"Makes what?" Jared asks. Jensen waves the note in Jared's face. Jared turns a dull red, which was not what Jensen was expecting. "Oh. That."

"Yeah. You should've at least asked about prom. Come on, man."

"You're going with Danneel," says Jared breezily.

"Well, yeah. She's my girlfriend," says Jensen. Jared is kind of stupid sometimes.

Jared looks kind of thoughtful for a minute, then snatches the note and shakes his head. "You're supposed to circle yes or no," he points out. He sounds like he's trying hard to sound like he does, but Jensen isn't sure what it's supposed to sound like. "Reading comprehension? Not your strong point."

Jensen writes "you're a freak" across the note and hands it back to Jared. Jared crumples it up and throws it at Jensen's head.

"So is that a no on prom?" he asks as Jared stalks off.

*

Growing up next to Jared has been kind of an experience. Mostly, he's experienced what it's like to know a crazy person up close and personal. And, yeah, Jared is his best friend, and he'd die for him, and he wants to be friends forever in a kind of embarrassingly girly way, but that doesn't mean that Jared is sane or rational.

The note should be just one more thing about Jared that makes him a unique and beautiful snowflake, but Jensen's kind of confused. He doesn't actually get the joke, and he's not sure what to do about it. Does he send Jared flowers as a joke? Or what? If this is a prank war, he needs to escalate it, but Jared didn't treat it like that, and now he's acting weird.

"He's gay for you," says Josh.

"Shut up," says Jensen automatically.

"No, man, seriously," says Josh.

Jensen shoves him, but two days later, when Jared shoves a pink teddy bear holding a heart that says "be my honey" on it in Jensen's arms and then runs away, Jensen has to reconsider his stance on the whole "Jared is gay for me" thing.

*

Looking back on it over the years, Jensen realizes that Jared has been gay for him for a really long time. Like, at first, he was pretty clearly trying to keep it secret; Jensen can recall times Jared's gaze lingered on him too long, that one really memorable time when they decided to go skinny dipping and Jared ended up gulping and running away--it's possible everyone in the world realized Jared had this massive crush on Jensen, and Jensen was the only one who didn't get the memo.

And now, apparently he got tired of hiding it, and is trying to court Jensen based on all the lessons he learned from, like, The Baby-Sitter's Club. Or something.

It's the continued adventures of living next to a crazy person--that's what Jensen's life is.

*

"You could have just said something," says Jensen.

"Huh?" asks Jared. He sounds confused, but he's staring way too intently at The Great Gatsby, so Jensen is pretty sure he knows what's up.

"About your big gay crush on me."

"I did. I sent you a note."

"I mean before."

"Come on, it's like every Molly Ringwald movie. I'm the socially awkward girl and you're the varsity wrestler."

"I wish I had a recording of you saying you're a socially awkward girl."

"Actually, I guess I'm the socially awkward guy and you're the head cheerleader."

"I'm not the head cheerleader."

"You've got the best legs."

"You say the sweetest things."

Jared lets out a shaky laugh. "So it's a good sign you're not kicking my ass, right?"

"Yeah."

"Gonna take me to prom?"

"You gonna put out?"

"If you want me to," says Jared, looking up with this kind of weird hopeful glint in his eye that makes Jensen feel kind of crappy for teasing him so much.

"Yeah," Jensen says, and kisses him before he can say anything else.

This would probably theoretically be part of a larger fic, where Jared is in love with Jensen and ends up pretty much acting like a five-year-old boy about it and annoys Jensen more and more until Jensen finally actually gets pissed off and Jared has to explain that he hasn't had a crush on anyone in a while and forgot how it works and Jensen is like you're a retard and they hook up. And the whole time Jensen is trying to learn a language because he wants to enrich himself and Jared is being totally unhelpful and Jensen questions his life choices a little. But only a little. Because living with Jared is awesome.

But, uh, in fact, it is just one scene.

--

"Blaugherwad," says Jared.

Jensen looks up from his book, raises his eyebrows. "That is not German."

"It's what German sounds like."

"It's what your mom sounds like."

"Only if you really suck in bed," says Jared, flopping down on the couch. "Why are you learning German? I read on the internet you don't even know English."

"I read on the internet you're gay for me."

"I said on the internet you're gay for me. So you're gayer."

"I don't think that works how you think it works."

"Seriously, man. German?"

Jensen shrugs. "I really like Fritz Lang movies."

"At least learn a cool language."

"You speak Klingon."

Jared waves his hand. "Just, like, three words."

"Klingon," says Jensen.

"Chicks dig it."

"Your fans do."

Jared nods sagely. "Supernatural fans like incest and Klingon."

"I was thinking Gilmore Girls fans."

"Hab SoSlI' Quch," says Jared pleasantly.

"You are the world's biggest freak."

"Just because I'm taller than you."

"And you speak Klingon."

"I bet there are bigger freaks than me. Like, some really fat Star Trek fan who lives in his mom's basement."

"Just shut up and go away, I'm trying to learn."

"You know, you kind of live in my basement."

"I live on your first floor."

"I should have made you live in my basement."

"I should punch you in the face."

"Jeannie would kill you for marring my perfect features."

"As soon as I learn German insults I'm going to come into your room and insult you while you sleep."

"Don't lie, you're going to jerk off while I sleep."

"And insult you in German."

"Kinky."

"Fuck off, Jared."

"Heghlu'meH QaQ jajvam," says Jared.

Jensen pointedly goes back to reading.

I am not really sure why Jared would have learned Klingon. But it made good sense at the time.

I wasn't sure if you meant established relationship to start or not, so I went with not, because...I like writing it better that way. I have really good thought processes for these decisions. So I hope this is something like what you were looking for!

--

The first couple times, it's funny. Like when Jensen yawns really loudly in makeup and Kelly scolds Jared for keeping him up late? Jared drapes his arm around Jensen's shoulders and asks her who could resist a face like that, and Jensen makes a smooching noise in Jared's general direction, and everyone is having fun.

It doesn't get bad until Kim tells Jared to keep his hands to himself on set, because that's weird. Like, Jared is not above making sex jokes at Kim. But Kim doesn't make sex jokes back; Kim is terrifying back. That's how their relationship works. When Kim is making sex jokes and being terrifying, Jared doesn't understand his place in the world. He's at a loss, alone and cold. Or something similarly emo.

When Kripke gives them a lecture about keeping their private lives private and off the camera, because enough people think Dean and Sam are doing it already, Jared finally loses it.

"What private lives?" he asks.

Kripke just laughs at him. Like he's making a joke. Jared isn't sure what the joke would be. It mostly feels like everyone else is making a joke, and the joke is that Jared is gay for Jensen. And, okay, it's not like that's a new one, but it's never been so coordinated before. It's like everyone decided to go online and read porn over the hiatus, and now they're confusing it with reality.

"Seriously," says Jared to Jensen in the car at the end of the day. "Did everyone drink crazy juice?"

"What the hell is crazy juice?" asks Jensen.

"Juice that makes you crazy," says Jared. "Come on."

"Where do you get crazy juice?" asks Jensen.

"It's an expression!"

"No, it's not. No one says that. You made it up."

"I'm a trendsetter," says Jared. "In three months, when everyone is talking about crazy juice, you're going to feel so stupid."

"Yeah, I can really see that happening."

"Here you go, guys," says Ed, the driver, stopping in the driveway. "I'm getting you at six tomorrow, so don't stay up too late," he says with a wink.

"We'll do our best," says Jensen, winking back. He grabs Jared's hand and pulls him out of the car. "Come on, honey."

"See!" says Jared, as soon as they're out. "The crazy juice!"

"No, I don't see. Is the crazy juice booze? You got a flask in your hoodie, Padalecki?"

"Everyone thinks we're dating!"

Jensen laughs. Like, hard, as he unlocks the door. Real, side-splitting laughter, the kind he almost never does, and Jared has to take a moment to stare, because--it's kind of awesome, when Jensen laughs. He likes it.

"Dude, we pretty much are dating," says Jensen, after he finishes cracking up.

Jared blinks. "What?"

"We live together, we go out most nights, we eat together...I see more of you than, like, any girlfriend I've ever had. Ever."

"But we don't...no sex!"

"Yeah, you don't put out," says Jensen, sighing. "I figured you were saving yourself for marriage."

"Not getting married," Jared mutters, and Jensen sobers instantly.

"Sorry, man, I didn't mean..."

Jared shakes his head. He's not, like, heartbroken. Not anymore, anyway. It's just...this is all weird. "So, we're dating, huh?"

"Not really. But I can see where they're coming from."

Jared considers this. It's not like--he's not against dating Jensen. He loves Jensen, has loved Jensen since pretty much the first time they met. Not, like, epic gay love, just. Jensen is his best friend, the person he wants to see even when he doesn't want to see anybody, his favorite person to spend time with, all that. And, yeah, Jensen is hot, which doesn't hurt, and he's got an amazing body, and he's probably an awesome kisser. Jared doesn't really remember where this started, but it's ending with him kind of staring at Jensen's lips. Because--yeah. Jensen.

"You still with me?" asks Jensen. "Jared?"

Jensen waves his hand in front of Jared's face, and Jared grabs it, pulls Jensen close, and leans down to kiss him. There's a long moment of awkwardness, Jensen stiff under him, Jensen's hands trapped between them at uncomfortable angles. But then Jensen relaxes and they shift slightly, enough that it moves from weird into perfect so fast that Jared's head is spinning a little, and Jensen gives under him, mouth softening and opening and Jared grins into the kiss.

"Dude," says Jensen. "We're not making out in the doorway."

"Yeah we are," says Jared happily.

"We're going inside before the Vancouver paparazzi get us."

"Oh yeah, all those Vancouver stalkers."

"I bet Tom's out there," says Jensen, grinning. "Watching."

"Always watching," agrees Jared, following Jensen inside.

"So we dating now?" asks Jensen.

"Well," says Jared, looping his fingers in Jensen's belt loops and tugging slightly. "I wouldn't wanna disappoint Kripke."

They met Dr. Brennan first, and Dr. Brennan has really flexible morals. Flexible is maybe the wrong word, actually. But unique, definitely. Dr. Brennan likes proof, and Sam just thinks it's lucky that they were hunting something with a corporeal body this time. He points out that it would probably cause mass hysteria if they brought it back to the Jeffersonian and dissected it, because, honestly, goblins? It's just. It's a bad idea. And he talked Dr. Brennan into agreeing with him, and explained to her what they did over coffee. It was all very dignified and normal.

Dean and Booth got in a fist fight. Presumably because Dean is a famously wanted criminal and apparently Booth knew Henricksen and, yeah, it was twenty different kids of bad.

So that's why it's Sam's job to explain to him.

"Just to make this clear from the start?" says Booth. "I don't like you."

"Yeah, well, I'm not your biggest fan either," says Sam.

"Great. How about I arrest you and your brother and we all get on with our lives?"

"Me and my brother have work to do."

"Right, yeah, the demon-hunting work. Hell of a skeleton you gave Bones. Remind me later to kick your ass for lying to my partner."

"We didn't lie!" says Sam. "Look, demons are real. Your pal Hen--"

Booth moves faster than Sam knew he was capable of, faster than it looks like he should be able to. He finds himself against the wall, Booth's arm pressing against his neck.

"Look, I don't think you get it," says Booth. "I'm not looking for an explanation. I'm looking for an excuse. You give me one opening? And you're going down."

"We're not your enemies," says Sam, somehow managing to sound calm. "I swear, we're not."

"You're wanted felons."

"We're wanted for crimes we didn't commit!"

"Grave-robbing?"

"Crimes we didn't commit and grave-robbing," Sam grants.

"You got proof?"

Sam swallows. He hasn't--he promised Dean. No more freaky powers. They fought, and Dean won, and Sam promised. But he hasn't got a skeleton, he hasn't got anything. All he has is himself.

Luckily, he's pretty fucking supernatural.

"My mom," he says. "When I was six months old, she got killed. In a fire in our house. My dad, he went nuts. Swore up and down it wasn't an accident. And he was right. A demon killed her. Azazael. The yellow-eyed demon."

"You just tell me when I'm supposed to start caring," says Booth. His arm is still on Sam's neck, hasn't loosened an inch.

"She got killed because of me. Because the demon--he gave me powers."

"Powers."

"I'm a psychic."

"A psychic, right. You gonna read my mind? Tell me my fortune?"

Sam closes his eyes, lets in the familiar power. It's like riding a bike, he assumes--he never actually learned to ride one. But it's always there in the corner of his mind, waiting for him to use it. Always there, tempting him.

This is the last time.

He picks up a chair, two chairs, stacks them neatly.

Booth turns slowly, looks at the room, which Sam couldn't have touched. His arm doesn't move. Sam could move that too, but he doesn't want to fight. He wants to be left alone.

"How'd you do that?"

"I'm a psychic," Sam repeats.

"A psychic who hunts demons."

"Yeah."

"And goblins."

"This time, yeah, I guess."

"You and your brother roadtrip across America and kill demons and that's," he lets out a breath. "That's what got Henricksen killed?"

"Lilith," says Sam, and the name still has a bite when he says it.

"Lilith," Booth repeats, same tone. "Did you get her?"

"Yeah," says Sam. "We got her."

Booth releases him, looks at the chairs. "Next time you're around here, you tell me. I don't want to hear on the news that the two most-wanted brothers are back in town. I want to hear first hand."

"Yeah," says Sam. "Sure."

"And I want to see the next hunt," he says.

"You still don't believe me," says Sam.

"Would you believe you? You sound nuts," says Booth.

Sam barks a laugh. "Yeah. I guess we do. So, uh, me and Dean, we're free to go?"

"Yeah. But just because the U.S. government already thinks you're dead."

Sam nods once, gets his coat, heads for the door.

"Hey, Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for--" Booth stops, shakes his head. "I'm sorry. About your mother."

"Yeah," Sam says. "Thanks."

Yeah the tone is changed slightly when Booth is shoving Sam against a wall the whole time. But that's just how Booth shows he cares!

From: Rosey <bitchtits6969@gmail.com>
To: Tom Welling <twelling@gmail.com>
Subject: re: miss me bitch?

so are those dicks from supernatural fucking yet? i heard tey live together

ps: i love javing hair


From: Tom Welling <twelling@gmail.com>
To: Rosey <bitchtits6969@gmail.com>
Subject: re: miss me bitch?

If they are, they're not telling anyone. Don't you have a spellchecker?


From: Rosey <bitchtits6969@gmail.com>
To: Tom Welling <twelling@gmail.com>
Subject: re: miss me bitch?

like ig to time for that shit

i have siht to do tommy

i bet you $50 theyre fucking


From: Tom Welling <twelling@gmail.com>
To: Rosey <bitchtits6969@gmail.com>
Subject: re: miss me bitch?

Jared says they're not.


From: Rosey <bitchtits6969@gmail.com>
To: Tom Welling <twelling@gmail.com>
Subject: re: miss me bitch?

of course jared said that

jared doesn't wnat you to know he's fucking jensen


From: Tom Welling <twelling@gmail.com>
To: Rosey <bitchtits6969@gmail.com>
Subject: re: miss me bitch?

Why would he care?


From: Rosey <bitchtits6969@gmail.com>
To: Tom Welling <twelling@gmail.com>
Subject: re: miss me bitch?

cuz it;s gay you faggot

we're finding out when i do my guest spot

also youre buying me booze and telling me you love me

;D


From: Tom Welling <twelling@gmail.com>
To: Rosey <bitchtits6969@gmail.com>
Subject: re: miss me bitch?

And I'm the gay one?


*

Mike says a lot of things. Most of them are lies or things that he forgets about, so Tom's gotten kind of used to forgetting them as soon as he hears them.

So when Mike shows up and his first line is, "Bitch, we gotta find out if you owe me fifty bucks."

"Huh?" asks Tom.

"Jared and Jensen. Are they fucking?"

"I told you, Jared said no."

"Dude, Jared is lying liar. We're finding out the old-fashioned way."

"Which is...what?"

"Stalking! Come on, Tommy."

"We're not stalking Jared and Jensen."

"Oh, but we are," says Mike, holding up a giant pair of ridiculous sunglasses.

*

Jared blinks. "Is that Rosenbaum?"

Jensen looks over. "What, in the bushes?"

"Yeah."

Jensen squints. "Why is Rosenbaum in the bushes in a fedora?"

Jared looks at his watch. "Well, it's after two."

"And the binoculars?"

"After two."

Jensen shakes his head. "Substance abuse is a disease, Jare."

"Yeah, yeah. I know."

*

"This is getting freaky."

"What is?"

"The way Tom and Mike are in a tree outside my window," yells Jared.

"Seriously?" asks Jensen. He's in the bathroom upstairs, because Jared is a fucker and kept the bathroom with the better shower, but he stops drying his hair and wanders in to look.

"I think Tommy thinks camo makes him invisible."

Jensen blinks, cocks his head, and waves.

Mike falls out of the tree.

"Huh," says Jensen.

"Think we should help?"

"Nah, Tommy's got it. He's Superman."

*

"Shirtless!" says Mike, when Tom makes his way down the tree.

"What?"

"Jensen was shirtless in Jared's room. They have to be dating."

"Uh, I think he came to see us," Tom points out.

"No way," says Mike, waving his hand. "They're totally gay for each other and you owe me fifty bucks."

"I'm not giving you fifty bucks. I'm taking you to the hospital."

Mike looks down at himself. "My legs aren't supposed to look like that, are they?"

Tom sighs. "No, Mike. No they're not."

"If you give me fifty bucks, I'll go to the hospital."

"Can I give it to you after?"

"Yeah, yeah, fine."

Tom sighs again, longer. He's getting gray hairs. Mike's been here for twelve hours and he's already getting gray hairs.

Mike grins. "Tell me you missed me, Tommy."

The real bitch of it is that he did.