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I am the worst thing in my own life.

just one pair of clean socks
SO UM

I was talking to inarticulate. About A LOT OF TERRIBLE THINGS. And I told her about some bad thoughts I had about a Bones/SPN crossover.

And she enabled me, as she always does.

SO WE HAVE THIS.

Title: Mutual Fangirling
Author: poor_choices
Fandom: Supernatural/Bones
Pairing: HAHAHAHA by which I mean. Um. Castiel/Sweets. Mentions of Sam/Dean.
Rating: NOT APPROPRIATE FOR ANYONE.
Warnings: TOTALLY RETARDED META. Bad fanfic. A fake fandom_wank post. Blasphemy.
Word Count: 1500.
Summary: Castiel thinks it would be prudent to gain some understanding.
Notes: Spoilers for Supernatural 418. Sequel to omg otp!!1!, could also be a prequel to But What Are Your Thoughts On Yaoi. If you want.
Disclaimer: Not mine, don't sue.


It began as simple curiosity. The best defense, as Dean had told him, was a good offense. And Castiel no longer believes he is being told everything. If there is one prophet, there could be other prophets.

"Samuel Winchester."

Sam jumps. "Holy--Castiel! Warn a guy!"

Sam is wearing a towel. Castiel wonders if he should come back later. No, this is important. "I need you to teach me about the internet."

"Um. What about it?"

"Where do I find this . . . fanfiction."

Sam stares. Castiel stares back. Dean taught him the game where the first person to blink loses; he's sure he can beat Sam at it.

"Uh. For--what fandom?"

"Supernatural."

"You don't wanna read that."

"The fate of the world could depend on it."

Sam keeps staring. Then he blinks. Castiel wins this round. "Whatever you say, I guess. Just--do you have an e-mail?"

"E-mail?"

"You know what? I'm going to need pants for this. Give me five minutes."

*

from Castiel <caswinchester@gmail.com>
to Sam and Dean Winchester <forthewinchester@gmail.com>
date Thu, Mar 5, 2009
subject fandom_wank

Samuel Winchester:

wtf is this???

Castiel

--
i heard there was a secret chord
that david played and it pleased the lord
but you don't really care for music, do you

-----

from Sam and Dean Winchester <forthewinchester@gmail.com>
to Castiel <caswinchester@gmail.com>
date Fri, Mar 6, 2009
subject Re: fandom_wank

...what?

-----

from Castiel <caswinchester@gmail.com>
to Sam and Dean Winchester <forthewinchester@gmail.com>
date Fri, Mar 6, 2009
subject Re: fandom_wank

Samuel Winchester:

i received an e-mail from my lj friend when_u_cry informing me that I had appeared on "fandom_wank."

when i asked what it was i was told to "jgi"

I do not understand.

Castiel

--
i heard there was a secret chord
that david played and it pleased the lord
but you don't really care for music, do you

-----

from Sam and Dean Winchester <forthewinchester@gmail.com>
to Castiel <caswinchester@gmail.com>
date Sun, Mar 8, 2009
subject Re: fandom_wank

uh. just google it.

http://www.journalfen.net/fandom_wank/

--do you have a livejournal?

*



*

knights_lance - LJ Comment to me

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. (knights_lance) replied to a comment you left in a LiveJournal post. The comment they replied to was:
I am an angel of the lord.

Their reply was:
Listen, I'm on your side here, but I think you're taking this a bit far.

-----

knights_lance - LJ Comment to me

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. (knights_lance) replied to a comment you left in a LiveJournal post. The comment they replied to was:
You're correct; I apologize. I was overcome by my desire to interact with the story.

Their reply was:
Hey, that's fine! All fanfiction is the result of a desire to interact more fully with an author's work. Believe me, I understand the impulse. But it's important to remember your role in reality.

-----

knights_lance - LJ Comment to me

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. (knights_lance) replied to a comment you left in a LiveJournal post. The comment they replied to was:
I crossed a line.

Their reply was:
Happens to everybody, seriously. I thought your fic was really neat, and I appreciated your treatment of the Castiel character.

-----

knights_lance - LJ Comment to me

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. (knights_lance) replied to a comment you left in a LiveJournal post. The comment they replied to was:
. . . really?

Their reply was:
Totally! I was really impressed by how you had him grappling with emotions for the first time. As a psychologist I found it fascinating.

-----

knights_lance - LJ Comment to me

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. (knights_lance) replied to a comment you left in a LiveJournal post. The comment they replied to was:
That's . . . very kind of you to say.

Their reply was:
I believe in credit where credit is due. Hey, do you mind if I friend you? You seem like a cool guy.

-----

knights_lance - LJ Comment to me

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. (knights_lance) replied to a comment you left in a LiveJournal post. The comment they replied to was:
Not at all. I'd like that.

Their reply was:
Radical :D

*

"Uh, Dean?"

"What?"

"Your angel started writing Sam/Dean."

"What?"

"You know the, uh, stories? About us--doing stuff?"

"Yeah . . ."

"Castiel started writing some."

"You know it isn't April First for, like, a week, Sammy?"

"Yeah. I know."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Shit."

*

Title: Malt Does More than Milton Can
Author: Cas
Fandom: Supernatural
Pairing: Sam/Dean
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Incest, intoxication.
Word Count: 5300 words.
Summary: On the night before the apocalypse, Sam and Dean get drunk together, for the last time.
Notes: Dedicated to , for being a true friend. This is my first fanfiction of a sexual nature; please forgive any mistakes. Title from A.E. Housman.
Disclaimer: I do not technically own Dean or Sam.

*

from Sam and Dean Winchester <forthewinchester@gmail.com>
to Castiel <caswinchester@gmail.com>
date Wed, Mar 25, 2009
subject uhhhhhhhh

Castiel seriously did you write porn about us?

-----

from Castiel <caswinchester@gmail.com>
to Sam and Dean Winchester <forthewinchester@gmail.com>
date Wed, Mar 25, 2009
subject Re: uhhhhhhhh

there was significant pressure from my fans

cas
--
i heard there was a secret chord
that david played and it pleased the lord
but you don't really care for music, do you

*

"You broke him!" says Dean.

"How is this my fault!"

"You gave him an e-mail!"

"I didn't tell him to start writing porn about us!"

"It's still your fault!"

"It is not!"

Bobby raises his eyebrows. "Boys, if you're not too busy, we've still got an apocalypse coming."

"Oh," says Sam. "Right."

*

Lance: Hey, Cas, you there?
me: Yes, Lance?
Lance:Listen, there's something I need to tell you.
I haven't been completely honest with you.
me: In what sense?
Lance: I'm not really just another fan of Dr. Brennan's work.
I really know her.
I work for the FBI.
Sent at 8:50 PM on Monday
Look, I know you don't have any reason to believe me, but I'm telling the truth. I really like you, and I want to be honest with you.
You can google me.
My real name is Lance Sweets. You can google me.
I swear I'm telling you the truth.
Lance is no longer online.

*

"Dean, I really think you should see him. We met on the internet. He's very knowledgeable in his field."

"On the internet?" scoffs Dean. "Whatever. He's probably a dude. They're always dudes on the internt."

"Dean, he just said it was a dude."

"Oh. Huh."

"He works with the FBI."

Sam stares. "The same FBI who wants us dead? That FBI?"

"Hey, they don't all want us dead. Remember the hot scientist chick from the poltergeist case?"

"Dr. Brennan was with the Jeffersonian Institute, Dean, not the FBI. And her partner almost shot us."

"Dr. Brennan!" says Castiel. "She is an associate of Lance's."

"Wait, hold on a sec, Lance? Your internet friend's name is Lance?"

"Yes, and?"

"You're spending all your time writing gay porn about me and Sam and buddying around with a guy you met online named Lance and you haven't fallen yet?"

"The Lord does not concern himself with homosexuality."

"Gay incest!"

Castiel blinks. "I thought you meant me and Lance."

"You're dating the guy?"

Castiel looks kind of shifty. "He wrote me a sonnet."

Dean sighs. "Jesus Christ."

*

"You're really them, aren't you?" says Lance.

"Oh god, Cas is dating an underage dude he picked up on Livejournal."

"Hey, I might look young, but I have more PhDs than both of you put together."

"That's not hard," says Sam. "Is Dr. Brennan around? I've got some bones I saved for her."

"Sammy! You saved bones?"

"Just a couple! For science, Dean!"

"Wow," says Lance, "you know, I can already see why people think you're gay."

*

Title: World Enough and Time [1/???]
Author: and
Fandom: Supernatural/Bred to the Bone
Pairing: Sam/Dean, Reichs/Ryan, Castiel/OMC
Rating: NC-17 overall
Warnings: Incest, homosexuality, all the good stuff.
Word Count: 8000 in this part.
Summary: The apocalypse is coming, whether Sam and Dean like it or not, and they need help to fight it. Luckily, Castiel has a contact in the FBI.
Notes: Our first collaboration! We hope you enjoy it.
Disclaimer: All these characters belong to their Creator.

Comments

( 134 comments — Leave a comment )
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(Deleted comment)
longsufferingly
Apr. 7th, 2009 03:41 am (UTC)
i spent a lot of time on that

what is my life
chibimazoku
Apr. 7th, 2009 03:30 am (UTC)
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

SOOOOOOOO MUCH

THE DISCLAIMERS ARE STILL MY FAVORITE PART EXCEPT FOR MAYBE THE F_W POST
longsufferingly
Apr. 7th, 2009 03:43 am (UTC)
Castiel's first disclaimer was "I gripped Dean tight and raised him from perdition." It did not go over well.
(no subject) - cockroachangel - Apr. 7th, 2009 03:46 am (UTC) - Expand
wiifitttttt
Apr. 7th, 2009 03:30 am (UTC)
longsufferingly
Apr. 7th, 2009 03:44 am (UTC)
THANK YOU SIR MAY I HAVE ANOTHER
(no subject) - wiifitttttt - Apr. 7th, 2009 03:53 am (UTC) - Expand
diner
Apr. 7th, 2009 03:35 am (UTC)
Your brain just shoots out brilliance faster than anything. This is HILARIOUS; the FW post had me in stitches, as well as the last disclaimer.

XD
longsufferingly
Apr. 7th, 2009 03:44 am (UTC)
I might have spent longest on the disclaimers. I felt they were very important to the fic's deep and timeless message. Of . . . something.
unreckless
Apr. 7th, 2009 03:36 am (UTC)
I just made sounds previously unheard coming from human vocal cords, just so you know. In fact, I think many of those sounds are only audible to dogs.

My favorite part is all of it, but the icon for the f_w post just takes all the cakes and runs away with them.
longsufferingly
Apr. 7th, 2009 03:45 am (UTC)
I was trying to find a non-fandom-associated icon and one that wasn't really one f_w person's default and there it was on the fw icon community and I fell in love.

QUEEB.
(no subject) - unreckless - Apr. 7th, 2009 03:52 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - longsufferingly - Apr. 7th, 2009 03:58 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - unreckless - Apr. 7th, 2009 04:00 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - poor_choices - Apr. 7th, 2009 04:07 am (UTC) - Expand
juice817
Apr. 7th, 2009 03:36 am (UTC)
omfg, i cannot stop laughing! you are seriously a genius. *cracks up again*
longsufferingly
Apr. 7th, 2009 03:46 am (UTC)
inarticulate does deserve credit for being a dirty, terrible enabler.
(no subject) - juice817 - Apr. 7th, 2009 03:48 am (UTC) - Expand
cityphonelines
Apr. 7th, 2009 03:38 am (UTC)
I LOVE YOU SO HARD RIGHT NOW, I CAN'T EVEN EXPRESS IT PROPERLY. SERIOUSLY. ALL YOU GET IS CAPSLOCK. THAT'S IT.
longsufferingly
Apr. 7th, 2009 03:46 am (UTC)
I CAPSLOCKED A LOT IN MY HEAD

ALSO CRIED
earthquakedream
Apr. 7th, 2009 03:40 am (UTC)
I. I THINK I MIGHT HAVE BROKEN SOMETHING. I JUST. OMG.

SWEETS/CASTIEL IS MY NEW OTP.

I JUST.


WHAT.
longsufferingly
Apr. 7th, 2009 03:48 am (UTC)
[21:33] poor_choices I mean, I would want Sweets and this character to find love together and--omg you know what would be the best/worst pairing IN THE WORLD
[21:33] inarticulate There's always Bobby but. I. I can't see it.
[21:33] inarticulate ........what
[21:33] poor_choices S-Sweets/Castiel
[21:33] * inarticulate braces self.
[21:33] inarticulate ...
[21:33] inarticulate oh my go
[21:33] inarticulate OH MY GOD
[21:33] inarticulate I CAN
[21:33] inarticulate ...I CAN SEE IT
[21:33] poor_choices I
[21:33] poor_choices I KNOW
[21:33] poor_choices I CAN TOO
(no subject) - earthquakedream - Apr. 7th, 2009 01:33 pm (UTC) - Expand
heterodog
Apr. 7th, 2009 03:40 am (UTC)
WHAT DID I JUST READ

WHAT DID YOU DO
longsufferingly
Apr. 7th, 2009 03:49 am (UTC)
I DON'T EVEN KNOW BUT RIKUOU LINKED YOU NOT ME

BLAME HER
matalinolukaret
Apr. 7th, 2009 03:44 am (UTC)
I think I'm broken from the awesome. ♥

Did you hear high pitched squeaking? That was me. :D
longsufferingly
Apr. 7th, 2009 03:49 am (UTC)
I couldn't hear a lot over my own sobbing.
(no subject) - matalinolukaret - Apr. 7th, 2009 03:53 am (UTC) - Expand
chemm80
Apr. 7th, 2009 03:54 am (UTC)
Castiel seriously did you write porn about us?....

there was significant pressure from my fans


That is SO what we all said our first time out of the slash chute, Castiel...
moodswingers
Apr. 7th, 2009 03:56 am (UTC)
This is so awesome, IDEK. F_W especially.

I WANT TO READ CASTIEL'S WINCEST, OMG.
lovehateapathy
Apr. 7th, 2009 03:56 am (UTC)
You. Win. The. Internets.
prettyshiny
Apr. 7th, 2009 03:57 am (UTC)
*sssssnnnneeeerrrrrrrk*

Can't. Stop. Laughing. *giggle-snort*

Love it!
dangomango
Apr. 7th, 2009 04:11 am (UTC)

HOW CAN I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

WHEN I ONLY KNOW YOU VIA YOUR FIC

OURS MUST BE A SPECIAL LOVE

<3 <3 <3

pinkelephanti
Apr. 7th, 2009 04:40 am (UTC)
THIS IS SO INEXPRESSIBLY AWESOME!

I don't even usually read spn fic, but the warnings sucked me in, anything that claims to a have a fake fandom_wank post and blasphemy must be amazing!

You know what? I'm going to need pants for this. - No Sam you never need pants just leave them off :)

I may have been trying to click on the links in the fandom_wank post to find the ultra wanky entries....
rivers_bend
Apr. 7th, 2009 04:40 am (UTC)
I am agog. and aghast. In the very best of all the ways that is possible.
magikalrhiannon
Apr. 7th, 2009 04:54 am (UTC)
*CACKLES* BRILLIANT!
madeofsequins
Apr. 7th, 2009 05:14 am (UTC)
this is the best thing there ever was on the internet.
goodnight
Apr. 7th, 2009 05:21 am (UTC)
AHAHAHAH SO MUCH WIN.
fools_game
Apr. 7th, 2009 05:25 am (UTC)
...

...

What the fuck.
joans23
Apr. 7th, 2009 05:33 am (UTC)
Your brain must be a truly scary place ... can I move in? HAHAH! This was made of so much win!
wild_shadowfire
Apr. 7th, 2009 05:52 am (UTC)
HEE! YOU BROKE MY BRAIN, BUT STILL - HEE!

I kinda wanted to quote all the parts I loved about this fic here, but then I realized I'd be quoting the whole fic.

Warnings: TOTALLY RETARDED META. Bad fanfic. A fake fandom_wank post. Blasphemy.

But such good blasphemy. *snickers* Not bad AT ALL!


P.S.: "caswinchester" aww! "forthewinchester" did Dean come up with that. Must have been Dean.

helenahndbskt
Apr. 7th, 2009 05:58 am (UTC)
Disclaimer: All these characters belong to their Creator.
THIS.
LOVE.
wild_shadowfire
Apr. 7th, 2009 06:06 am (UTC)
OH MY GOD I didn't even see that - that is so awesome!

Disclaimer: All these characters belong to their Creator.

XD And so TRUE in every way. XD
And with a capital "C". HEE!
coppering
Apr. 7th, 2009 06:09 am (UTC)
forthewinchester@gmail.com that gave me entirely TOO much glee.

this whole thing is just AWESOME.
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( 134 comments — Leave a comment )