"Never," says Eliot, disbelieving.

"Never," says Parker, shrugging. She doesn't look particularly concerned.

"No stockings?"

"No."

"Tree?"

"No."

"But don't they do that kind of thing in the system? Some kind of crappy tree at the orphanage or whatever?" asks Eliot.

"I didn't participate," says Parker. "I didn't play well with others."

"Man," says Hardison. "That is just--that is sad."

Parker shrugs. "I didn't miss it."

Eliot and Hardison just exchanged a look.

*

"Look," says Eliot, hoisting the bag over his shoulder, "I'm not saying we shouldn't be doing this. I am all for this. I'm just saying breaking into a crazy thief's apartment is kind of stupid. Possibly suicidally."

"She's not gonna kill us. She likes us," says Hardison.

"She might not realize it's us."

"Relax. Sophie's with her. She's not gonna be home, and by the time she's back, we'll be gone, and she'll have a Christmas miracle."

"No, we have to stay," says Eliot.

"Okay, see, that is when it gets suicidal. Yes, if we are there when she gets back, we are probably going to die."

"If we aren't there she's going to tear apart all her Christmas stuff looking for bombs!"

There's a lull as they both contemplate this.

"Shit," says Hardison.

*

In the end, they set up the tree and the stockings and the presents and sit outside her door until she comes home. Hardison makes him wear a Santa hat, but takes the reindeer headband for himself, so at least there's that.

Parker stops short when she sees them. "What are you doing here?"

"We," says Hardison, picking himself up off the floor, "are your Christmas Elves."

"I don't want to be called that," says Eliot.

"What does that mean you're doing here?" asks Parker.

"Open up the door and see," says Hardison.

She does, and she stays there for a long minute, staring.

"Christmas," she finally says.

"That's the idea, yeah," says Eliot.

She turns and glares at them. "Well, are you coming in?"

Hardison and Eliot exchange a look.

"Yeah," says Eliot. "I guess we are."