I'm happy if you're happy

longsufferingly @ 2013-03-12T21:48:00

2013-03-13T01:48:46Z

Hey LJ, fyi I did some Danny/Stiles tumblr ficlets and just posted them to AO3, so if you want to read those, go here.

Also, I keep putting off apologizing for this, but I am sorry for dropping the ball on my December ficlets. I hope to go back to them someday! But in the meantime, I am very sorry to everyone whose ficlets I have not written.

Also, whatever, here's a meme from dugindeep in case anyone feels like it!

"Ask Me Questions About Stuff I've Written" meme

Questions can be along the lines of "What were you thinking when you wrote this?" or along the lines of "What happened to these characters five years later?" or if you don't want to ask a question you can just quote a few lines from something I've written and I'll comment on them.

But no Tractorbeam questions, I do not have Tractorbeam answers.

longsufferingly @ 2013-03-02T22:50:00

2013-03-03T03:56:21Z

Title: Award Season
Author: poor_choices
Fandom: RPS
Pairing: Selena Gomez/Kristen Stewart, brief Kristen Stewart/Jennifer Lawrence, references to Selena Gomez/Justin Bieber and Kristen Stewart/Robert Pattinson
Rating: R
Warnings: Some infidelity.
Word Count: 1240.
Summary: Functional relationships don't start with getting high and fooling around. Generally.
Notes: Thanks to phrenk for helping me figure out this was the girl porn I wanted to write.
Disclaimer: Lies and untruths.

The first time Selena meets Kristen Stewart, they're at the 2011 Kid's Choice awards. Selena needed a break, and Kristen is chain-smoking with a few of the waiters.

"You want one?" she asks, with a friendly smile. Selena had heard she never smiled, but she knew better than to believe everything she read online.

"Uh, no thanks," says Selena. "I just needed some air."

"You don't have to tell me," says Kristen. "I hate these things too."

Selena guesses she would.

"Nice to meet you," she offers, a little shyly. "I thought you were amazing in Speak."

Kristen's momentary expression of shock gives way to something more amused. "Nice to meet you too. I get stoned and watch Wizards of Waverly Place sometimes. It's cute."

It should seem like a put-down, but Kristen's slow smile makes it feel intimate, like a private joke. Like they're friends. "I haven't tried that," she says, laughing.

"Well, next time you're stoned and bored."

"Definitely."

Kristen stubs out the cigarette. "Hey, are you really dating Justin Bieber?"

"Yeah."

"Sorry," says Kristen, and winces. "Not like that," she says quickly. "Just the press sucks about that."

"I thought you weren't officially dating."

"And imagine how much worse it would be if we were." She smiles and waves a little. "Good luck. I'm rooting for you."

And then she's gone.

*

The second time is a few months later, at a Teen Choice Awards after party.

"Solo?" asks someone behind her, and Selena jumps and spills beer on her fingers.

"Sorry," says Kristen, with her slow smile. "Didn't mean to scare you."

Selena relaxes, leaning against the wall. "Yeah, I dunno how it happens. There are ten billion people, and it's so loud downstairs. I shouldn't be surprised someone found me."

"You're hiding?"

"I just needed a break," says Selena.

"We keep meeting like this," says Kristen, leaning against the wall next to her. They're in what appears to be Tyler Posey's workout room, which is one of those things that makes Selena wonder about her life. How did she get to this point, hiding from a party next to some MTV guy's freeweights?

"Yeah, well," says Selena. She sighs. "Justin and I had a fight," she admits. "That's why I'm not at Ashley Greene's." She pauses, and looks over at Kristen. "Why aren't you at Ashley Greene's? Isn't she your costar?"

"Posey has the best weed," says Kristen, like this should have been obvious. She takes a long drink. "What did you fight about?"

"Dumb stuff," says Selena. "I don't even remember. He said something, I told him he was an asshole, he said I was being oversensitive." She laughs softly. "It sounds so normal."

Kristen pulls out a lighter and what appears to be some of Tyler Posey's weed. She lights the joint and takes a long drag before offering it to Selena. Selena accepts and pulls in the smoke. She doesn't do this often, but it's happened once or twice, and she doesn't want Kristen thinking she's some loser kid.

Kristen breathes out slowly. "Rob and I are off as much as we're on," she says. "I love him, but we're both pretty shitty at relationships."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," says Kristen. "But it really shouldn't be a surprise a relationship that started because we got high and started fooling around isn't totally functional."

"I heard he was in love with you," says Selena, and immediately regrets it.

Kristen laughs softly. "Yeah, he was. That's why he did Twilight. But it's hard for love to survive that fucking mess."

Selena thinks she looks a little horrified, because Kristen gives her a gentle smile.

"We're always friends, don't worry. It's just complicated."

And then, she leans in and kisses Selena, soft and slow and deep, so good Selena whimpers a little when she pulls away.

"You'll be okay," says Kristen. "You're a good kid."

*

They pass a few more times, but Selena doesn't really see her again until the 2013 People's Choice Awards. She's going into the bathroom to wash her face and Kristen's in there with Jennifer Lawrence. Jen's dress is pushed up and Kristen's kissing her neck, sliding her fingers inside her and--

Selena flushes and stammers, "Sorry!"

She leaves, and her heart is beating so wildly in her chest she doesn't think it will ever stop.

*

"You can stop avoiding me," says Kristen, at the next Kids' Choice Awards.

"I'm not avoiding you," says Selena. "I never see you. I've seen you like five times in my entire life."

Kristen laughs. "Okay, yeah. But every time we make eye contact you blush and look at something else. It's weird."

"You're weird," Selena mutters. Kristen raises her eyebrows. "Okay, that was immature, but you are. You give me advice, you encourage me to smoke, you kiss me!"

"Is that what this is about?" asks Kristen. "I thought it was about me and Jen."

"Are you dating her?" she asks, before she can stop herself.

Kristen looks at her for a long minute, and Selena realizes she's done. Kristen figured it out.

"What are you doing after?" Kristen asks.

"After?"

"Going to hang out with the Jonas Brothers or something?"

"Nothing specific," says Selena, cautious.

"Okay," says Kristen. "So I'll see you then."

*

Kristen has a limo, and as soon as they're in it, Kristen is on her, dismantling her dress. Selena can barely breathe, she's too busy kissing and panting and being overwhelmed.

It's not a bad feeling, it's just so much.

"I thought functional relationships didn't start," she manages, barely, "with getting high and fooling around."

"Are you high?" asks Kristen, sucking on Selena's shoulder.

"No, but--before. At Tyler's."

"Is this a relationship?" She moves her mouth down to Selena's breast, sucking on her nipple. Selena gasps and arches into it.

"I want it to be," she says, blushing. She's not--she doesn't know how to be casual. She doesn't know how to not want commitment. It makes her feel young and stupid, like she hasn't outgrown the Disney Channel. Adults just have sex all the time. But she's not that girl.

Kristen slides back up to kiss her, the same long, slow kiss as before, something lingering.

"It's okay to want to date someone," says Kristen. "It's not a crime." She nuzzles Selena's neck. "I've wanted to date a lot of people," she says, like she's telling Selena a big secret. "But I'm--I think I'm the kind of person who sabotages herself." She slides her hand up to rub Selena's clit, and it's perfect. "Maybe I don't know how to be happy."

"That's bullshit," says Selena, rolling her hips into it.

Kristen laughs softly. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," she says, surer this time. "Stick with me. I got this."

Kristen pulls her closer and they rock together. "Well, in that case."

*

They show up together to the 2014 Kids' Choice Awards. The press goes into overdrive, but all the speculation is how they became friends. Kristen says she's never been so glad for heteronormativity.

They smoke in the back--or, Kristen smokes, because cigarettes still make Selena choke. They don't have sex in the bathroom, because they can just have sex at home.

"This time next year," says Kristen. "You'll be an exhibitionist by then."

"Pretty sure of yourself," says Selena.

"I'm pretty great," says Kristen, and Selena smiles.

"Yeah," she says. "You're all right."

longsufferingly @ 2013-02-22T20:05:00

2013-02-23T01:14:26Z

Title: Elope With Me, Miss Private
Author: poor_choices
Fandom: J2 RPS
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: PG
Warnings: None I can think of. If I missed any, please let me know!
Word Count: 3100.
Summary: Jared's mostly really happy to start online school with his internet BFF. Mostly.
Notes: Out of retirement for one night only for the last round of j2_everafter! I picked Pixel Perfect, which made way less sense than I remembered, so I ignored most of the actual plot and ended up with a thing.
Disclaimer: Lies and untruths.

"I thought this was a good thing," Chad says, spinning around in Jared's chair. "Why are you freaking out?"

"Because it's Jensen," says Jared, groaning. "We've been friends for like four years, and now we're going to be in school together, and he's going to realize I--suck."

"You don't suck, dude."

"Okay, but--" he sighs. "Online, I can be funny and cool and stuff, and it's not like--we just talk about video games and comic books! It's not, like, school, where there will be other people and it matters what they think."

"It's online school, right?" says Chad. "So who gives a shit?"

"It's VR," says Jared. "It's different. It's not like we're just chatting. And I'll still be--" he gestures. "Me."

"Yeah, no, you won't!" says Chad. "Okay, so you're kinda clumsy and suck at sports, which is why you didn't have friends at real school. No one's gonna give a shit about that online! And we can pretty up your avatar, you know? You won't be all scrawny and ugly and shit. Your inner beauty can shine through or whatever."

"Your avatar must have the same sex, race, hair color, eye color and height as your physical self," Jared recites. He's memorized the school guidelines. "Any student who wishes to change any of these characteristics must submit a written request to the administration."

"Dude, that's fine! We can make you a total virtual hottie. Smooth out your voice so it's not breaking all the time, get your crazy hairstyle under control, lose the dorky glasses, program clothes that actually fit--trust me, you're going to be cybering with your virtual boyfriend in under a week."

"He's not my boyfriend!" Jared protests. "He's just--"

"The dude you spend all your time chatting with that you wanna bone."

Jared considers. "Pretty much, yeah. Let's hot up my avatar."

*

Jared and Jensen don't talk much about their real lives. Jared knows Jensen isn't unpopular. He plays baseball, went to the Homecoming dance, and sometimes has stuff to do on Friday nights. He's going to have friends at their new online school, and Jared--Jared's never had many friends. He just has Chad, who only started hanging out with him because they were lab partners freshman year. He's not sure why Chad still hangs out with him, but, to be honest, he gave up on understanding Chad a long time ago. The guy is just completely inexplicable.

Anyway. Jared's always struggled with the social part of school--he got a great growth spurt with puberty, but it just made him clumsier, and he's never been any good at sports. He has acne, and his parents aren't very well off, so he wears his (much more muscular) brother's clothes, and his glasses are cheap, black plastic frames that don't suit him at all.

Even if none of that is going to be a factor at an online school, Jared still can't imagine fitting in. He'll still be a dork who's more interested in video games and comic books than sports, and that's not something everyone wants to talk about.

But there will be Jensen. That matters.

*

Jared doesn't have the high-quality VR goggles and gloves that a lot of kids do. He's still interfacing with a monitor and keyboard, but he barely even cares, because--Jensen. Jensen and a school where he looks, if not hot, at least normal. A place where he's not going to stand out, or trip over himself. A fresh start.

So it's incredibly sad and embarrassing when he still manages to bump into someone trying to rush to his locker.

"Sorry!" he says, reflexively, and his headset processes it, makes his voice smoother, a little deeper.

"Dude, no worries," says the other guy, standing up. "It's not like I could feel it, right?"

Jensen A. is over his head in white font, and Jared gapes for a second before he manages, "Um, Jensen?"

The avatar in front of him is a few inches shorter than he is, with spiky brown hair and green eyes. He has freckles and glasses that suit him, thin wire frames emphasizing his eyes and long eyelashes. If Jensen is half that hot in real life, he's still totally out of Jared's league.

"Jared!" says the guy, delighted. He has a nice voice too, warm and friendly, and Jared is just fucked, right? That's what's happening. He is fucked if this is anything like the real Jensen, because he's just not that guy. "Man, it is so good to see you!" He hugs Jared, and even though it's not real, Jared still feels warm and fuzzy and happy.

"So to speak," says Jared, wryly. "But yeah, man, it's great to see you."

"Jerk," says Jensen fondly. He looks Jared up and down, smiling. "Weird, right? Man, I--" He shakes his head. He must be using some pretty good VR gear, to get this kind of verisimilitude. "Surreal, but awesome."

"Definitely," says Jared, telling his own avatar to grin. "Hey, what's your first class? We got anything together?"

It turns out they have English and math together, and the same lunch period. There are a couple guys from Jensen's old school who he's friends with in their classes too, and Jared is trying really hard not to be jealous. It's easier when Jensen suggests they head to the library instead of the cafeteria with everyone else.

"What about those guys you were talking to in English?"

Jensen shrugs. "I dunno. They're fine and all, but we never had that much in common." He smiles. "Besides, I finally get to talk to you."

Jared flushes, and is suddenly very grateful his avatar doesn't respond to what he's doing. "We talk all the time, man."

"I know," says Jensen. He ducks his head. "But this feels--real, you know? I know you're really a dude, your name is really Jared, you're actually my age..."

"What, you thought I was an old lady or something?"

"Nah," says Jensen. "I thought you were exactly what you said you were. But I still had to wonder, you know?"

"I know."

"Plus, you're in Texas! Can't believe you never told me."

Jared laughs. It had been a surprise when he found out he and Jensen were in the same school--TX113, one of twenty online public schools for students in the state of Texas. He'd figured there was no chance they'd even be in the same state, let alone the same school. "Yeah, well, you never told me either, you know."

"True," Jensen says. He sits down at a table in the library, and Jared sits down across from him. "I'm going no-hands?" he says. "And if you hear chewing, it's because I'm chewing."

"Wow, thanks for clearing that up."

"God, you're a BEEP in real life," Jensen says, and Jared laughs.

"Dude, it just censored you. Like, old-school TV style."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously."

"Well, I guess I can't insult you," he says. "Tell me about you instead."

"You know about me."

"Not the real you," says Jensen. "I know what video games you play, and what TV you like to watch, but--"

"You know way more than that," Jared protests. "You know all the important stuff. You know me better than anyone."

Jensen pauses, and then he smiles. "Yeah, I guess I do," he says. "But I wanna know about school you. You never talked about it. Are any of your friends here?"

"Nah," says Jared. "We, uh--we got assigned to different places." It's not even true for Chad--Chad's still going to real school. But there's no way he's going to say No, I don't have any friends.

"That sucks," says Jensen. "Are you going out for any of the teams?"

"Teams?" asks Jared, making a face. "We still have teams?"

"They're by region, not by school," says Jensen, shrugging. "I guess they didn't want us to completely lose our physical activity."

"That would be a shame," Jared says dryly.

Jensen laughs. "I'm thinking of switching to track. I, uh--I figured I'd ask if you'd be there too."

Jared flushes. "No," he says. "No, probably not."

"Okay," says Jensen. Jared can hear him chewing. "Brothers or sisters?"

He relaxes a little. "One of each," he says, and just like that, it's easy again, talking to Jensen. Almost like it used to be.

*

Jensen keeps bringing it up, though, in big and small ways. There are regional sporting events and club meetups and plays, and Jensen always asks if Jared is going or trying out, and Jared doesn't know what to do. He sort of thought Jensen knew he was a loser with no life, but now that it turns out Jensen somehow missed it, he's not really in a hurry to point out the mistake.

Which is how he somehow ends up saying, "Oh, yeah, no, I'm in a band, so I'm pretty busy."

"In a band?" Chad asks, when Jared tells him, in tones of deep despair. "Dude!"

"I know!" says Jared. "I panicked. He asked if I was going to join Latin club. I couldn't let him think I sucked too much to even be in Latin club!"

"Yeah, pretending to be in a band is way cooler than joining Latin club."

"I knoooow," says Jared, miserably. "It just came out! And now he's all interested and asking me about my band and if we've got a gig anytime soon and--" he groans. "I'm the worst. At everything. And he's perfect."

"This is sad," says Chad. "Like, dude. I don't even know what to do with you right now. You're a fake rock star?"

"No, I'm just--in a fake rock band," he protests. "Which is--" he buries his face in his hands. "Yeah, this is really sad. Fuck. Why couldn't he be--less great?"

"Oh god," says Chad, with an exaggerated sigh. "The only thing worse than hearing about how sad you are is hearing how great your non-boyfriend is. I hate your life, man."

"Yeah, me too."

*

Jared's heading to the library after school on Friday to download a few books for his history report this weekend when he hears someone call, "Hey, Jay, wait up!"

Jared turns, stopping so Jensen can catch up with him. "Hey man, what's up?"

"What region are you in?"

Jared has been trying to avoid this conversation, because he's not sure if he can deal with knowing he's in a different region from Jensen. Or the same region. Pretty much anything would be more knowledge than he can handle.

"Um, six," he says, regardless, because Jensen did straight-out ask.

Jensen lights up. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," says Jared, unsure. "Why?"

"We need a band for the region six homecoming dance!" says Jensen. When Jared doesn't say anything, he goes on, "Yeah, yeah, I don't know how I got roped into helping to plan, shut up. But if you're in six too, you can play, right? And then I'd finally get to meet you."

Jared's gaping like an idiot, which means his avatar isn't doing anything. "I, you--what?" he finally manages.

Jensen rubs the back of his neck. "Dude, I've been trying to get you to go to everything. I was gonna go to whatever region you were in." He laughs. "Which--sounds really sad now. But you're in my region, and I have to go to this stupid dance, so you should--come. And play. And I can meet you."

"You want to meet me?" Jared manages weakly.

"Of course."

"But I'm--no you don't," Jared says.

He hits the logoff button, and the school disappears before Jensen can say anything.

*

He stays offline and in hiding for the entire weekend, not even checking his email. He doesn't talk to Chad because he doesn't even know what he'd want from Chad. He feels stupid and off kilter, unsure.

Jensen probably wants to meet him, but Jensen probably thinks he's--better. That he's more like his avatar, more attractive, smoother, better voice, in a band. And that's all his fault, yeah. It's not like Jensen just made all that stuff up.

But he's not sure the real him is the kind of person Jensen wants to meet. And Jensen always seems to think there's more to him, like he's not getting all of Jared, and Jared knows that as soon as he figures it out this is it, he's going to be disappointed.

Of course, first thing Monday morning, he's already pretty disappointed.

"What the BEEP!"

"Sorry," Jared mutters, not turning to look at him. "I'm--I suck, okay? I suck! I am terrible. I'm not really in a band, I'm not really--like this! I'm this sad, awkward, nerdy kid with bad skin and zero muscle and messy hair and--you don't wanna meet me. You wouldn't even want to be friends with me if we met in real life. I--"

"Dude!" Jensen says. "Shut the BEEP up, BEEP. You're being a BEEP."

"Uh," says Jared. "Like half the words in that got censored. I'm not really sure where you were going with it."

"BEEP," says Jensen. "You're an idiot, okay? You said it yourself, I know you better than anyone. I, uh--I have no idea what you're worried about, honestly. I just want to hang out with you."

"You got that part where I just, like--lied about a bunch of stuff?"

"I didn't really think you looked like your avatar," Jensen says, gently. "Half of your features are still set to the default, I'm not an idiot. I don't look exactly like mine, either. And--dude, I wasn't really convinced you were in a band. You never went to practice, you were always really shifty about everything when I asked about it, and you told me before you weren't musical."

"Why didn't you call me on it?"

Jensen shrugs. "I didn't really care. I figured you'd tell me when you wanted to tell me. And--honestly, I was getting tired of you shooting me down, so it was kind of nice to just pretend maybe the band was real and it wasn't just me."

"Shooting you down," Jared repeats. "Because you want to meet me."

"I want to do a whole lot more than meet you," says Jensen. "But we can start there." He gives Jared a grin. "So, will you go to homecoming with me?"

Jared gapes, and then has to get up and jump up a down a little (he is never getting anything that tracks his movements, seriously), because--that's a date. A definite, no questions about it, date request.

"Um," he says. "Sure. But I'm not--"

"I've had a crush on you for like three years," Jensen says. "Trust me, Jay, whatever you think you're not? You are."

*

"So, why is this a problem?" Chad asks.

Jared holds up another shirt, and Chad frowns and shakes his head. "That's why," says Jared hopelessly. "I have no idea what to wear, I have no idea what I'm doing, I--"

"Dude," says Chad, getting up and standing next to him. He roots through the closet and picks a button down. "Wear this. Breathe. He knows you don't look like your avatar, he knows you're not in a band, he fucking said he had a crush on you. What's your freakout, exactly?"

"I don't know," Jared admits, buttoning the shirt. "I'm just so used to freaking out about this now, I don't know how to stop."

Chad smacks him. "Dude, just go make out with the guy. Unless he's ugly."

"He's not gonna be ugly," Jared mutters.

"Why are you so convinced he's perfect?" Chad asks, flopping back on the bed with a sigh. "So he plays baseball and gets involved in school stuff, so what? You're his best friend, right? Cuz you guys got along great and had tons of stuff in common. He's probably a loser too."

"That--no," says Jared. "He's not."

"What if he is?" Chad asks. "If he's some short, ugly dude with tons of acne and a pocket protector, are you gonna stop wanting to bone him?"

Jared considers this. "No," he says. "Well, I don't think so. I can't be sure we're gonna hit it off in person, but--it's Jensen. I don't really care what he looks like."

"So he probably feels the same way." Chad groans. "I can't believe I am dedicating my Saturday night to working out your dumb love life. This is sad. And you're going to a dance and I'm not! What gives?"

Jared laughs. "Thanks, Chad."

"Yeah, yeah," says Chad. "You better get laid."

*

The dance is--weird. There really aren't many people dancing, which is normal, based on the once dance Jared's mom made him go to, but it's not because everyone's too scared of the opposite sex--everyone is too busy talking, putting faces together with avatars, and trying to find their new friends. Jared sees a couple arguing about how they, apparently, do not look anything like they do online, and it's almost enough to make him turn around and go home.

Although, given how excited his mom was that he was going to a dance to meet a friend, he's pretty sure she wouldn't come back to get him. She wants him to socialize.

Besides, Jensen already knows he doesn't look like his avatar. So there's really, definitely, no reason to be nervous.

No reason at all.

He's been at the beverage table for what he knows, intellectually, cannot be more than fifteen minutes or so (three songs and change), but feels like two thousand years, when he spots Jensen.

The weirdest thing is that he recognizes him, even though he doesn't look that much like his avatar. There's only so close anyone can get to their real face with current technology, and Jensen's freckles are less pronounced, his eyes aren't quite as green, his lips are a little bigger than his avatar's. He's different in a thousand big and little ways.

But Jared knows.

And Jensen doesn't recognize him. Jensen walks right by.

Jared thinks about not saying anything. He thinks about letting Jensen think he chickened out--Jensen would forgive him. Jensen's that kind of guy.

His palms are sweating, his shirt collar is itchy, and he feels too big and too awkward to exist.

But somehow, he reaches out, catches Jensen's shoulder, and says, "Hi."

Jensen turns, looks him up and down, and grins, his whole face lighting up, and it's love at first sight, except Jared was in love long before he ever saw Jensen's face. "Hi," he says. "I'm Jensen."

"Jared."

"Nice to meet you, Jared," says Jensen, and Jared can't stop smiling.

"Yeah. You too."

longsufferingly @ 2013-01-29T22:32:00

2013-01-30T03:33:10Z

The First Rule of Online Dating
Teen Wolf, Danny/Stiles, PG, 1700 words. Danny just wants to meet his MMORPG BFF; she's not thrilled by the idea.

Vaguely inspired by Ready, Player One in that I got the idea while I was listening to the audiobook. Also I stole the title from there.

So hey, Danny types into his chat window. I'm gonna be in San Diego this weekend. Lacrosse tournament.

so no quest? Stelina replies. oh well :(

That too, but I was actually thinking we could meet up. That's where you live, right?

There's no reply for so long that Danny actually worries something happened. Like, maybe Stelina died or something.

i don't think that's a good idea she finally says, almost ten minutes later.

Why not?

just isn't There's another pause, and then, oops, gotta go

She goes offline, and Danny blinks a few times and frowns.

That didn't go like he hoped it would.

*

Danny started playing Realms of Praetor over Christmas break. Which was a bad idea, because he was a total addict by the time spring semester started. He hasn't dropped out or anything yet, but, well--he is a total addict, his friends make fun of him, but he doesn't really give a shit. He's having an awesome time.

He met Stelina when they were both low-level n00bs; she's a rogue and he's a barbarian, and they work really well together. They hit it off OOC too--she's funny and smart and he feels comfortable with her like he hasn't felt comfortable with anyone he's met at college. It's not that he dislikes the guys he knows, he's just not sure how to be around them. His roommate's roommate's idea of a good time is chugging a beer, crushing the can on his forehead, and repeating this process until he finds a girl who thinks it's impressive and decides to sleep with him. The lacrosse team is nice enough, but he can tell that not all of them are comfortable with him being gay, and it makes everything awkward.

So, yeah, Stelina really helps. She's easy to talk to, smart and enthusiastic, and she's happy to gush over cute boys and talk sci-fi long into the night.

He thought it would be great to hang out in person, but apparently he's the only one.

The next time she's online, she starts the conversation. so, uh, i was weird about meeting up

Super weird, Danny agrees.

yeah yeah. idk, me and rl just arent friends

Have you met a lot of people?

a couple. they were pissed i didn't look like my avatar

Uh, you know I am not an eight-foot tall orc barbarian IRL, right? Why would I judge you?

you'd be disappointed, and then you'd be pissed, and then we'd stop being friends! we should just keep being friends and no one gets upset. live in harmony, harmony, always etc.

Danny pauses, not sure what he's supposed to say. He assumes that Stelina is probably--well, maybe she's not very pretty in real life, or something? But it's not like Danny gives a shit. She's awesome, and he's gay. He's not looking for a love connection.

I was really looking forward to meeting you, he says, finally.

sorry, Stelina says, after a long pause of her own. maybe next time? once i stop being a total dumbass

Danny has to smile. Like that'll ever happen ;)

stfu

*

San Diego is a lot less exciting without the prospect of hanging out with Stelina. After their Saturday game, the rest of the team goes out, but while drinking his funk away is tempting, Danny begs off and goes to hang out at the coffee shop around the corner instead. He's not a computer addict or anything, but there might have been something very important posted on the forums.

And he's not planning to see if Stelina's online, he's really not, but there's this hot guy sneaking glances at him, clearly checking him out, and he doesn't have anyone else to brag to.

Hey, I am a sex god, he tells her, once he's logged in.

hey! i thought you weren't gonna be around

I'm not, really. Just hanging out at some coffee shop near UCSD, scoping out this hot guy. He glances up; hot dude's got his own laptop out, and he's typing, with his pen in his mouth. Danny's never picked anyone up at a coffee shop before, but he is willing to start.

oh yeah? which one?

Coffee shop or hot guy? :P Harper's Beans.

There's a sudden noise, and Danny jerks his head up. Hot guy has squeaked and half-fallen out of his chair. He gets up and looks around, like he's trying to judge if anyone noticed. It reminds Danny of when his cat fails at a jump. He almost expects the guy to lick his tail and slink off.

They lock eyes when his gaze hits Danny, and Danny raises his eyebrows. Hot guy flushes and sits back down at his laptop. It might be the human equivalent of licking his tail.

that's a weird name for a hot guy says Stelina.

Funny. He just fell over. I'm hoping it's because I'm so hot. I have that effect on people.

Hot guy squeaks again and jerks his head up, staring at Danny. It's--weird. Really, really weird.

Then hot guy closes his laptop and shoves it in his bag, and, at pretty much that exact moment, Stelina goes offline.

Danny frowns; he can handle one or two coincidences, but this is going a little far. He closes his own laptop and packs it up, following the guy out of the coffee shop.

"Are you following me?" the guy asks, still a little squeaky. "Because I have a rape whistle."

Danny frowns. "You do?" He's never actually met anyone who carries a rape whistle.

"Okay, no," says the guy. "But I could. Why are you following me?"

"Because you are like the least subtle person ever, oh my god, will you stop running away, I know it's you."

"That does not even make sense," says the guy, weakly, but he stops and turns to face Danny.

"You really don't look like your avatar," Danny finally says, and the guy just wilts.

"When did you figure it out?" he asks. "Before you even got there? Did you find me on Facebook?"

"Uh, no," says Danny. "You closed your laptop and ran at the same time you logged off without saying anything. And you go here. It's not rocket science."

The guy--Stelina? It feels kind of weird to call him Stelina--frowns. "What?"

"We're staying in a hotel a few blocks away," says Danny. "But I would have had to pay for wi-fi, so I went to the coffee shop. I wasn't stalking you or anything."

"But you said I was hot!"

"Yeah," says Danny. He runs his hand through his hair. "Can we do this somewhere else? This is kind of weird."

"This is going to be weird anywhere," Stelina mutters. "Come on, my dorm's across the street."

*

"So," says Danny. Stelina has a small single; there's a Firefly poster on the wall and a bunch of Warhammer miniatures on the desk. It's how he figured her room would be, just--she would have been a girl. "I'm Danny, by the way." He offers his hand.

"Stiles," says the guy, shaking it.

"So--why didn't you just tell me?" Danny asks. "That you were a guy. It's not like I wanted to sleep with your hot rogue avatar."

"Yeah, but you wouldn't want to sleep with me either," says Stiles, flopping down on his bed with a groan. "You assumed and I didn't want to correct you because if you thought I was a girl you wouldn't be like, yeah, I'm gay, but you're not my type, you're too geeky and awkward, I think we should just be friends, blah blah blah."

"You're my type," says Danny. "I got online to tell you how hot you were. Or--tell Stelina. And then I was going to get your number."

Stiles looks over at him warily. "I thought that was part of an elaborate prank."

Danny rolls his eyes and lies down next to Stiles, leaning in and kissing him. He wouldn't ordinarily move this quickly, but--it's Stelina, except Stelina is a hot, dorky guy who can't keep his mouth shut, and it's making Danny's whole year.

Stiles squeaks and flails, but Danny keeps kissing him, and it's only a few seconds before he relaxes and kisses back, and then they're really kissing, making out like they'll never get another chance.

When Danny finally pulls back, Stiles keeps his eyes closed for a long minute, lips parted, and it's seriously, unfairly hot. He's about to go back in for another kiss when Stiles says, "Really?"

"You should have told me," Danny says.

"Clearly!" says Stiles. "Dude! We just made out! This is awesome! You're in LA, right? That is not far. I have a car. We can go on quests and do raids and are you into LARPing? I kind of want to try LARPing, but not alone. Dude!"

Danny laughs softly. "See, this is why I wanted to meet you. So you could talk me into LARPing."

"Yeah, but you didn't think there would be kissing, right?" asks Stiles. "Because you're gay."

"No, that's a bonus," Danny says, smiling, and kisses Stiles again. "And you didn't think there would be kissing because you're an idiot, right?"

Stiles glares at him. "I have had bad experiences, okay!"

"Straight guys thought you were a girl and wanted to get in your pants," says Danny.

"it was a lesbian, actually," Stiles says, sulkily. "Shut up!" he adds, when Danny starts laughing. "Apparently my," he waves his hands, "me-ness is very charming online and very unpopular in the real world. I don't know how to turn like a thousand people reblogging my tumblr post about feelings into getting laid."

"Say, hey Danny, I want to get laid," says Danny.

Stiles gapes at him, mouth opening and shutting a few times before he says, "Hey Danny, I want to get laid."

Danny grins. "I thought you'd never ask."

longsufferingly @ 2013-01-14T19:36:00

2013-01-15T00:40:27Z

Title: Future So Bright
Author: poor_choices
Fandom: Teen Wolf
Pairing: Scott/Allison
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: None I can think of. If I missed any, please let me know!
Word Count: 1000.
Summary: Scott's eyes get hurt and he can't remember to keep them shut. Allison helps. Also schmoop.
Spoilers: Through the end of season two!
Notes: Written for stop_drop_howl, for the prompt "blinding lights." I made up some shit about werewolves, but then again, so did Teen Wolf.
Disclaimer: Lies and untruths.

"That was really stupid."

Scott winces as Allison helps him down onto the bed, keeping his eyes closed with an effort. It hurts like hell to open them, but it's hard to remember that. Even with all the lights out, Allison's room is too bright.

At least the gunshot wound in his side is almost healed up.

"I was going for reckless," he says, with what he hopes is a winning smile.

"I don't think that's better," Allison says, but he can hear the smile in her voice. He opens his eyes, wanting to see it, but winces instantly, the world still too bright and painful. "Don't open your eyes, dumbass," she says, putting her hand over his eyes.

"I don't see why it hurts so much."

"Werewolves are nocturnal," says Allison. "Or they are naturally. Obviously, you can't be when you're in high school. The alpha pack was trying to blind you permanently."

Scott grins goofily. "But you saved me." He'd thought he was screwed, blinded by the spotlights, too disoriented to hear where the alphas were or tell where the bullets were coming from. He couldn't see Allison shoot out the spotlights, but it was enough that the two of them together could escape from the other wolves.

"I'm your knight in shining armor," she agrees. He feels the bed dip as she gets up, and he frowns, looking around uselessly. "Relax," she says. "I'm not leaving."

"Oh," says Scott, lying back. "Good."

The bed dips again, and he feels her hands lifting his head up, and something around his eyes.

"Are you blindfolding me?" he asks.

"You're gonna forget to keep your eyes closed," says Allison. "This will protect them." Her hand slides down his cheek, and he shivers a little.

"Are we back together yet?" he asks.

She laughs, and moves her hand down to his chest. "Why, are you getting turned on?"

"Kinda, yeah," says Scott. "But only if we're back together."

"Because that's definitely the most important thing."

"Yeah," he says, truthfully. "It is."

She laughs softly, and then he hears her moving in just before she kisses him, slow and deep and everything he's been wanting since they broke up. He reaches up to put his hand in her hair, but she pushes him down, catching his wrists and holding him down. He could break free if he wanted, but he doesn't really want to.

"You are so into this," says Allison, sliding off him. "We're back together. Get naked."

Scott unbuttons his shirt and slides it off his shoulders, kicks off his jeans and boxers. He doesn't hear any rustling from anywhere else in the room, so either Allison's already naked or she's not getting undressed. He's not sure which would be hotter.

"Stay still," says Allison, and then he feels her mouth on his dick, sliding down just past the head, tongue swirling around him, just like he likes.

"Jesus," he breathes, not moving with effort. "I missed you."

"I'm trying to have hot kinky sex and you're being all--sweet," Allison says, pulling off with a soft pop. She moves back in, sucking harder, and Scott bites his lip.

"I like kinky sex," he says. "But I love you."

She doesn't respond this time, but her hand comes up to wrap around him, working him fast and dirty. He always comes pretty quickly the first time, and then he has more stamina for the actual sex part. Maybe she'll ride him. He pushes up into her mouth at the thought, and she makes a soft, pleased noise, like she loves having his dick in her mouth. Which she always has.

He almost wishes he could see her, but then he feels her fingers sliding against his ass, one fingertip pushing in gently. They'd only gotten to do this a couple times, but he was definitely into it, and with her mouth on his dick? It's beyond amazing. By the time she's pushing a second finger in him and starting to stroke them, he's so close he's losing his mind.

"Allison, I'm gonna--" he starts, but he can't even finish before he comes, hard and hot into her mouth.

She swallows and pulls off, sliding her fingers out of him and pulling back to let him catch his breath.

"I missed you so much," he says, laughing a little. He's expecting a response, but instead, the bed dips next to his head and suddenly he can smell her, close and overpowering, and she's pushing into his mouth, making him return the favor.

This he definitely remembers, the way she likes to be eaten out, sucking her clit first, making her squirm.

"You can use your hands too," Allison says, already breathing heavily. She's wet and getting his face messy--he can't help feeling a little smug that she's so into this. She tangles her hand in his hair, half-petting, half-guiding. "I missed you too," she adds, softly.

Scott can't really respond--his mouth is full--but he brings his fingers up to slide inside her, like she did for him. She pushes back against him, eager and desperate, her breath ragged.

"I missed you too," she says again, like she thinks he doesn't believe her or something. He swirls his tongue around her clit, not sure what to do beside get her off as soon as possible so they can make out and cuddle.

And then have sex again, obviously.

It only takes a few minutes before she's starting to make the soft, desperate noises that mean she's about to come, and Scott uses his free hand to grope her ass, pulling her closer, and she comes apart with a choked noise that has his dick perking up again.

She stays on him long enough to come twice and then rolls off with a happy sigh.

"So, you missed me," he says, grinning like an idiot.

Allison laughs. "I missed you," she agrees, curling against his side. He hears her yawn. "I'm gonna ride you in a minute," she murmurs, sleepily.

"Sure you are," he says, and grins until he falls asleep.

oops

2012-12-28T02:27:59Z

INSTEAD OF WRITING ANYTHING I WAS SUPPOSED TO WRITE, I DID THIS

Dog Sex 101
Teen Wolf, Scott/Stiles, NC-17, 900 words, knotting. Scott becomes an alpha and deals with his changing body.

"So, something's happening to my dick," says Scott.

Stiles doesn't even look up from his laptop. "Dude, we had this conversation in sixth grade. It's called an erection, everyone gets one, there's nothing to be ashamed of. You also have hair down there. Why are we doing this again?"

"Not that," says Scott. "Like--alpha stuff."

Now Stiles turns. "So, now you're an alpha werewolf, you have an alpha dick? Is that what you're telling me?"

"Kind of?" says Scott. "I don't know. It's not like Derek gave me a handy booklet about my changing body. He's still pissed I'm an alpha. It's not like I can just go up to him and be like, hey, what's happening to my penis?"

Stiles considers for a minute. "So is it--bigger?"

"Yeah," says Scott. "And thicker and--I dunno. Weird."

Stiles sighs, as if he is very put upon, and his life is the worst. "Okay, come over here."

"What?" says Scott, warily.

"You gotta show me, bro," says Stiles. "You can't just say my dick is weird now and not back it up with evidence. Dick evidence."

"I guess," Scott agrees, and slides off the bed. He undoes his jeans and shoves them and his boxers down and walks over to Stiles. It's not like Stiles has never seen his dick before, but he probably hasn't seen it since the first erection talk. It's a little weird.

"Wow," says Stiles. "You better not be a grower."

"Like I said, it got bigger," says Scott. "And, like--" he fingers the base of his dick. "There's this, uh--thing."

Stiles leans closer, close enough Scott can feel his breath, which makes him shiver a little. And start to get hard. But he's touching himself, he figures Stiles will understand.

And then Stiles brings his hand up to touch the weird, lumpy skin at the base of Scott's dick.

"Huh," says Stiles. "It's--how much do you know about dog penises?"

"I work in a vet's office!" says Scott, and then pauses. "But, actually, basically nothing. How much do you know about dog penises? Why do you know anything about dog penises?"

"I read wikipedia a lot," says Stiles. He's still stroking Scott's dick, and Scott is still getting harder. "Grower," he says, absently. "Anyway. I think it's a knot."

"A knot?"

"Okay, so dogs? Have these knots on their dicks? Once they're like, in, it swells up, so the female can't get away and has to, uh--" Stiles sort of trails off, licking his lips. He's so close to Scott's dick that Scott almost thinks he can fucking feel his tongue. "She just takes his dick and gets all filled up with spunk," Stiles finishes, voice deeper and hoarser.

Scott glances down and Stiles shifts, getting the pressure of his jeans off his dick. Scott knows that motion.

He brings his hand down into Stiles' hair, longer, easier to grip, and tugs him forward, not enough to really force him, just encourage him. Let him know he can.

And Stiles takes the invitation, opens his mouth and takes Scott in, lets Scott push in until Stiles is gagging on him.

It's maybe the kind of thing they should talk about, but Stiles has his mouth full and Scott is getting his dick sucked, so it's not like it's a particularly good time for a conversation.

Stiles' hand is still around the base of Scott's dick, playing with his--his knot, which is bizarre and painfully hot all at once. Scott tightens his hand in Stiles' hair and he moans, pushing back against it, so Scott squeezes harder, uses his hand to set the pace, fucking Stiles' mouth.

"Dude, when'd you get so good at sucking dick?" he asks. Stiles doesn't answer, but he does smirk. And then Scott has a terrifying thought. "Dude, I'm not gonna, like, knot your mouth, am I?" He can't imagine ever explaining to anyone that his dick got stuck in Stiles' mouth and Stiles choked to death on his jizz. On the bright side, he'd probably die of embarrassment before he could get sent to prison.

"Oh my god," says Stiles, pulling off to laugh. "I can't even get your dick that far in my mouth, no."

"You stopped," says Scott, frowning. "Why did you stop?"

"Because you asked if you were gonna knot my mouth! You can't come in my mouth!"

"You want me to come on your face?" Scott asks. He's not against it, but Allison wasn't into that. Maybe Stiles is.

"I want you to fuck me."

"Wait, already?" asks Scott. "Don't I have to buy you dinner?"

"You bought me dinner last week."

"You forgot your wallet."

"Exactly," says Stiles. "So, you want to?"

Scott looks down at his dick, which is, tragically, not currently getting sucked. On the other hand, sex sounds great, and Stiles is into it, so-- "Yeah, duh," says Scott.

"Okay, but you gonna find some lube," says Stiles, eyeing him warily. "Grower."

"You're into it," says Scott. "You're into giant dicks and dog penises. That's fucked up, dude."

"Shut up or I won't put out," says Stiles.

"Yeah you will," says Scott, flopping down on the bed.

"Yeah, okay," says Stiles. "But I'll jizz on your pillow."

"Okay," says Scott. "Sounds good." And he tugs Stiles down on top of him.

longsufferingly @ 2012-12-25T20:26:00

2012-12-26T01:26:14Z

Merry Christmas, everyone! I hope everyone had a fantastic holiday/December. Honestly, I am probably not finishing drabbles this month :( I'm going to do them all, but December ran away from me. But they'll get done! Just on a different timeline :)

longsufferingly @ 2012-12-10T20:50:00

2012-12-11T01:50:30Z

MCU/Teen Wolf, Darcy subs at Beacon Hills for quiet000001!

longsufferingly @ 2012-12-09T17:41:00

2012-12-09T22:41:18Z

Five drabbles today!

1. Firefly, Kaylee and Inara, girl's night in for 0nlyhannah
2. Gen/Adrianne, ren faire for bertee
3. Anne of the Island, Anne/Phil smut at Patty's Place for sequinedfairy
4. Jennifer Lawrence and Kristen Stewart and Iskierka and Lydia Martin, idk for elizardbits
5. iCarly/MCU, Sam joins S.H.I.E.L.D. for lady_ganesh

longsufferingly @ 2012-12-07T23:07:00

2012-12-08T04:07:19Z

You may be going, man, Chash, you are not posting many drabbles this month! Why is that happening? I was kind of thinking that too, because I had so many more last year, and was keeping up with them! But last year I was like 75% unemployed, and this year I am about 125% employed, because I have a full-time job and I'm doing some contract work. The contract work has its first deadline on December 31, so I have a good deal of stuff to do with that. Basically, what this means is that some days, like today, I will go to work, and then go to do contract work, and then will not feel like doing anything other than sitting on my couch and wondering why I'm watching Glee.

So I'm going to stop posting "Hey, no drabble today!" because it feels kind of spammy? I'll probably be catching up stuff I miss on the weekends, and everyone will definitely get their fics! Just with a different timeline than I intended :Dd

longsufferingly @ 2012-12-06T21:06:00

2012-12-07T02:06:48Z

FNL, Lyla/Tyra, the road for goshemily!

whoops

2012-12-06T03:31:48Z

Sorry guys, I was finishing up my project and totally lost track of time! I'm not going to manage a drabble tonight. So we'll have four over the weekend instead of two! Time management is for losers, kids.

longsufferingly @ 2012-12-04T23:29:00

2012-12-05T04:29:24Z

Whoops, I meant to post this like two hours ago!

I was working on a project and lost track of time, so no drabble today. We'll do double drabble on Saturday or Sunday.

longsufferingly @ 2012-12-03T18:00:00

2012-12-03T23:00:00Z

Danneel/Gen, rival knights for gilduin!

longsufferingly @ 2012-12-02T20:34:00

2012-12-03T01:34:47Z

MCU ladies out for drinks for kultiras!

longsufferingly @ 2012-12-01T18:18:00

2012-12-01T23:18:13Z

Happy December! I only have 32 prompts this year, so I'm doing one a day and two on Christmas, I think! Maybe not Christmas, we'll see.

Anyway, today's is Thomasina Coverly [Arcadia]/Jennifer Lawrence, Marvel AU, late-night snack. More X-Men AU. Whatever.

longsufferingly @ 2012-10-28T10:49:00

2012-10-28T14:56:30Z

Title: Oh Baby, Baby
Author: poor_choices
Fandom: Teen Wolf
Pairing: Danny/Stiles
Rating: PG.
Warnings: None I can think of. If I missed any, please let me know!
Word Count: 3500.
Summary: In which the technology of fake babies used to teach teenagers not to have sex has progressed to a point that they instinctively cry when Stiles touches them.
Notes: Every high school show needs an egg baby plot, right? Although credit for this actually goes to Project Runway, they inspired me. Just with the babies, not the clothes or anything. Those were pretty shitty. Sorry, Project Runway.
Disclaimer: Not mine, please don't sue.

"Hey, Bolinski, think fast."

Stiles barely manages to not drop whatever hits him in the face; he looks down at it and stares. "Is this a baby?"

"Yes, it's a baby," says Coach. "It's your baby, which is definitely something the world does not need to see. Do me a favor and promise me you will never enter into the gene pool."

Scott leans over and pokes the baby, which doesn't do anything. Stiles holds it up by the foot, which is enough to make it start crying. He drops it in shock.

"Good job, you just killed him," says Coach. "If you do that once the assignment starts, you will fail."

"The assignment?" asks Stiles. "Oh my god, we aren't really doing this, are we?"

"Oh, but you are," says Coach. "I found these guys in the gym storage room, and now you will all get to experience the joys of parenthood. These little suckers have to be fed and cared for for one week. You and your partner will work out a system and make sure their needs are met. Because we are living in the future, these are equipped with computer chips, will which tell me which of you are neglectful failures and which of you are model parents. I already have some guesses."

Stiles quickly picks up his baby and cradles it experimentally. It doesn't stop crying. Scott pokes it again.

"Now, following the winter formal, there were some complaints about my tolerance," says Coach, with a pointed look at Scott. "So! In the spirit of equality, all of these babies will be raised in same-sex households. I have the list of partners up here, come up, collect your baby, and welcome to parenthood."

"What are we gonna name him?" Scott asks, looking at the baby as the rest of the class shuffles up to the front. "I think we should name him Kyle."

"He's not yours, McCall," says Coach. "That is a genetic experiment I don't even want to contemplate. You're working with Jackson."

Jackson blanches. "I am not marrying him!"

"Yeah, can we get a divorce?" asks Scott.

"Of course you can," says Coach. "Just remember that divorce starts with D, which is a better grade than you will get on this assignment if you do."

Danny comes over and sits next to Stiles, looking morose. Jackson looks more pissed.

"What if we both want to switch?" he wheedles. "Danny, you want to have my kid, right?" Danny looks dubious, and Jackson corrects, "More than you want to have Stiles' kid, come on."

"No switching."

"I'm a good dad!" says Stiles. "I am loving and nurturing."

"The baby is still crying," Danny points out. "Let me hold it."

Stiles passes it over. "And Scott's going to be a great dad too, you should be so lucky."

"Please," says Jackson. "I could do so much better. I'm the one bringing everything to this marriage--money, influence, intelligence. Our child is going to have opportunities you can't even dream of."

"Okay," says Coach. "You guys do realize these are not real children and this is not a legally binding marriage, right? I am no longer certified to perform weddings. Now take you babies and get out of my sight."

*

"So, how do you want to do this?" Stiles asks.

"You can take it today, I'll take it tomorrow."

"Okay, we can't call it it. We need to choose a gender and a name. Or maybe it has a gender, I didn't want to look. It feels weird to check out a baby's junk."

Danny raises his eyebrows.

"You're right," says Stiles. "I should check out the baby's junk. But I'm also open to not assigning gender roles yet. I'm very progressive."

"I'll get it from you in home room tomorrow," says Danny.

"But--" Stiles starts, but Danny just leaves. "Your dad is not dedicated to your well-being," he tells the baby. "We're going to work on this. I am going to keep this family together."

*

Derek is not pleased.

"Why do you all have dolls?" he asks.

"They're for an assignment," says Scott, cradling his baby. "This is me and Jackson's son, Kyle Whittemore-McCall."

"That's not his name," says Jackson.

"Do you have a better one?"

"What are you talking about," says Derek.

"Scott and Jackson are married now," Erica supplies brightly.

"Okay, that was not legally binding," Stiles says. "But yeah, pretty much."

Derek's eye is twitching; it's kind of awesome. "Get rid of them."

"We can't get rid of them," says Stiles. "If we neglect them, we fail." He grabs the fake bottle and starts feeding his kid. It doesn't stop the crying, because apparently the realism of the dolls does not extend to "cannot cry when mouth is full."

"Can't Lydia and Allison take care of them?" Derek asks.

"I tried that," says Jackson.

"Lydia gave us a lecture about traditional gender roles and asked if she looked maternal," Stiles adds.

"She didn't," Scott says.

"Erica?" asks Derek.

Erica smiles sweetly. "Screw you."

Derek rubs his forehead. "How do they know they're neglected?"

"The same way they know they're being fed and changed," says Stiles, shifting the still-unnamed baby in his arms and patting it on the back. "There's a computer in there."

"So fix the computer," says Derek.

"I'm pretty sure tampering with the babies is an automatic failing grade," Stiles points out.

"Stiles," Derek says, in his I'm the alpha, listen to me voice, which he never remembers does absolutely nothing to Stiles, because he's not a werewolf, "take the babies, find your hacker boyfriend, and make them shut up."

"Hey, that's my hacker husband," Stiles corrects automatically. "Wait, what?"

"Figure out how the computer works and make it think Scott and Jackson did their project," says Derek. "We are not taking on the alpha pack with a bunch of crying dolls."

Stiles gapes for a minute, but then Jackson grabs his baby from Scott and shoves it at Stiles. "Go," he says, shoving Stiles a little.

"Don't hurt Kyle!" Scott calls.

"His name is not Kyle," says Jackson.

Stiles sighs. "You guys had better not get killed while I'm gone. Or do anything exciting! I am not going to miss out on exciting stuff while I'm taking care of the babies."

"We won't kill the alpha pack while you're gone," Erica says. "Have fun, mom."

Stiles scowls, but he can't really formulate a good counterargument, given how his arms are full of babies. "Yeah, screw you too," he mutters, and stalks off.

*

Stiles has been to Danny's once or twice for chemistry stuff. He also has Danny's number, but he's pretty sure that if he actually calls, he'll just give Danny an opportunity to say no to him. Not that Danny won't say no when he shows up, but he's too polite to actually slam the door in Stiles' face. Plus, Danny's mom totally likes him.

Unfortunately, Danny's the one who opens the door; Stiles can see him taking in Stiles and the babies, and definitely thinking about slamming the door.

"Hi," says Stiles.

"Why do we have twins now?"

"Derek. He wants you to hack the baby." He pauses. "Okay, I'm pretty sure he just wanted the babies to be away from him, but that's our assignment."

"He's not our alpha," Danny mutters, but he accepts the baby Stiles offers to him, cradling it gently.

"Yeah, well, I didn't really want to hang out at an awkward werewolf pow-wow with a bunch of crying babies. Derek would have actually destroyed them."

Danny sighs. "Come on in."

Ten minutes later, they're sitting on Danny's bed with a tool box and a naked baby--Scott and Jackson's, because Danny said he wasn't going to be the one who failed if this went wrong--trying to figure out how to take it apart.

"Isn't there just supposed to be a battery pack?" Stiles asks.

"I doubt they're supposed to be easy to tamper with," Danny says.

"Who bothers with this kind of security for fake babies, seriously?" asks Stiles. "It's creepy. Why couldn't we just get eggs like they do on TV?"

Danny makes a face. "If coach can figure out how to get to the computer in this, we can," he says.

"Maybe there is no computer," Stiles says. "Maybe he's just fucking with us." Danny snorts a laugh; it doesn't happen often, but whenever he actually successfully makes Danny laugh, Stiles feels like the most awesome person to have ever lived. He grins. "Come on, you know he just found these in a dumpster somewhere and wanted to make us miserable for a week."

"Maybe they're cursed," says Danny. He frowns and squints at the doll. "Hey, does it look like the hand might come off?"

"That's creepy," says Stiles, leaning in close to look. "Why would the hand come off?"

Danny tugs experimentally, and then grabs a screwdriver to lever the thing off.

"This is really weird," says Stiles, but Danny grins in triumph as the hand actually slides off.

"Hey, USB port," he says. "Jackpot."

Stiles thinks it's probably good he doesn't spend more time around a smiling, happy Danny; it's very distracting.

"Do you think you can hack it?" he asks, recovering.

"Now that I can access it, yeah," says Danny, flashing Stiles another grin. His teeth are very white. "I can hack anything I can get to."

"So why didn't you just hack it in the first place?"

"Because that sounded like more trouble than just doing the assignment," says Danny, grabbing his laptop and connecting the baby. His brow furrows. "This is actually a pretty complicated program. I bet these were expensive. Why did anyone bother?"

"Because they really don't want us to have babies," Stiles says. "Abstinence-only education, totally a great idea."

"Especially when you're doing same-sex couples only," Danny says dryly. "We'd really have to worry about having a baby." Stiles chokes; Danny doesn't seem to notice. "You know," he says, looking at the computer. "Maybe we shouldn't fix it."

"What?" asks Stiles.

"I'm willing to say I couldn't figure out how," says Danny, shrugging. "Take 'em back to Derek and say that we have to do the assignment. I don't want Jackson and Scott getting out of it this easy."

Stiles stares for a minute, and then grins. "Dude! You're, like, conniving!"

Danny laughs. "Come on, let's go tell them the bad news."

"Can we bring a video camera? Derek Hale hears he has to put up with fake babies could totally go viral."

Danny laughs again. "You're something else, you know that?"

"I'm the father of your child. Or the mother. I can be the mother. Or we cannot confirm to gender roles! I can be dad, you can be pop. I'm not picky."

"Did you know you can actually try so hard to be not offensive that it becomes offensive again?" he asks, but he sounds amused.

"I'm not trying to not be offensive," says Stiles. "I just want you to like me."

"I like you," says Danny. He grabs his backpack and one of the babies. "Come on."

Stiles is momentarily paralyzed; Danny's already halfway down the stairs when he gets his act together. "Hey, can I get that in writing?"

*

Derek Hale hears he has to put up with fake babies really could go viral.

"What do you mean," he says. His alpha voice doesn't work on Danny either.

"I couldn't hack it," says Danny, shrugging. "I'm not a miracle worker."

"I thought you could hack anything," says Jackson. He clearly knows Danny is conniving too.

"I could probably hack it," Danny says. "But I can't find anything to hack without breaking it."

"So break it," Derek growls.

"No!" says Scott, cradling his baby to his chest. "You're not going to kill Kyle."

"If we smash it then it won't really matter if we can hack the computer," Stiles points out. "I think the smashed baby is probably good for a failing grade by itself. Just a guess!"

"Scott, you can't--"

"Look, this is my baby, and I'm going to take care of him," Scott says, glaring. "You're not my alpha, you don't get to tell me what to do."

"What is wrong with you," Derek says, although he doesn't really sound angry anymore. He's definitely getting resigned.

"What, just because I'm a good father?" Scott asks. "I'll get one of those baby carriers so I can strap him to my chest and have my hands free. I am not just going to throw my son into daycare to make you happy!"

"You know he's not real, right?" Jackson says, after a long silence.

"Yes," says Scott. "I'm practicing."

Derek glares at him, and then at Stiles and Danny, and then at the wall, for good measure.

Danny elbows Stiles. "Come on, let's go."

"Where?"

"I dunno, my house. Somewhere not here. We can study."

Stiles perks up. "Does this mean we're raising our child in a two-parent household?"

"I figured we'd just work on our biology homework," says Danny. "But sure. That too."

*

"I like Becky," says Stiles.

"Who's Becky?" asks Danny. He has his pen in his mouth as he reads; it's distracting. "I thought you liked Lydia."

"No, we're more friends now. Or--I dunno. I think we're friends. She talks to me, I talk to her. I meant for our baby's name."

"You want to name our baby Becky?"

"Yeah, Becky Elizabeth Mahealani. That's nice, right?"

"You gave our fake baby a middle name?"

"Yeah," says Stiles. "I like middle names. I don't have one. It feels weird on when I'm filling out forms, like I'm missing out."

"And my last name?"

"I think it's easier to spell," says Stiles. "Not sure. It was kind of a toss-up. But can you imagine hyphenating that? Becky Elizabeth Stilinski-Mahealani? She'd get so beat up."

Danny snorts. "Okay, fine."

"Do you want to have kids?" Stiles finds himself asking, and then promptly feels like an idiot.

Danny raises his eyebrows. "In general?"

"Yeah, you know. Some day. Settle down with some hot guy, have some kids."

"I guess, yeah." He shrugs. "I always figured I'd maybe adopt an older kid. I've talked to Jackson about it, so I guess I feel like I might be better prepared for some of the problems they might have. And not a lot of people are interested in fostering older children."

"Oh," says Stiles. "That's--really nice of you."

"You don't think I'm nice?" Danny asks.

"I feel like I only ever get to see one side of you," says Stiles. "The shut up, Stiles, I have work to do side. But there are all these other awesome sides I want to get to know."

"So I'm not nice to you," says Danny, amused.

"Um. Is there a way I can answer that that doesn't ruin this good thing we have going?"

"Yes," says Danny.

"Okay, how?"

"Just say yes, Stiles."

"You are not always completely accepting of my flaws," says Stiles, and Danny laughs again.

"Okay," he says. "I'll work on that." He grins at Stiles. "I'm pretty good at liking flawed people. Jackson is my best friend."

"Cool," says Stiles. "I think Derek thinks we're dating," he blurts out. "Or maybe he just wants to make fun of me. I'm not sure."

"Maybe if you didn't always treat being gay like a punchline, he wouldn't do that," Danny says, mildly.

"I don't do that!" says Stiles. "Or, uh, not more than anything else. I treat everything as a punchline. It's kind of my thing. I don't think it's a joke or anything."

"Like I said," says Danny. "Sometimes you try so hard to not be offensive, it comes back to offensive."

Stiles feels lost, like there's a conversation going on here he's not totally aware of.

"So, I can take the baby tonight," Danny continues. "I'll give her back in the morning."

Stiles perks up. "Her?"

"Becky, right?"

He feels warm and ridiculous and happy. "Yeah. Becky."

*

"I think Danny thinks--I don't really know. Something."

Scott raises his eyebrows. "Yeah, I think Danny probably thinks stuff too."

"That's not what I meant," says Stiles. "I think he thinks I don't take gay people seriously? Or something? I don't know. I'm confused."

"You should probably just say, hey, I'm bisexual, we should make out," says Scott, patting Kyle's back. Stiles is pretty sure he's trying to burp the baby. It doesn't make any sense, but Kyle actually seems to be doing fairly well, so Scott must have something going for him. Becky just cries all the time.

"Do you think that would work?" Stiles asks.

Scott shrugs. "I don't think it can hurt," he says. "Probably you're never going to make out with him if you don't ask."

Stiles pauses. "How did you know I want to make out with Danny?"

"I'm your best friend," says Scott.

"Can you ask Jackson if Danny wants to make out with me?"

"Uh, I can try," says Scott. "But I think that conversation would be a total trainwreck. You're probably better off just asking Danny yourself."

"Yeah, maybe," says Stiles. He sighs. "Can we switch babies?" he asks. "I need help." Pretty much the second Stiles gets Kyle, Kyle starts crying. "Do you think the babies are programmed to hate me?"

"I wouldn't put it past Finstock," says Scott. Becky is already calming down.

Definitely programmed to hate Stiles.

*

"McCall," says Finstock. "This is horrific."

"I'm a good dad!" Scott protests. "Why aren't you blaming Jackson? It's Jackson's fault."

"Jackson ripped the head off your baby?" Finstock asks.

"It was his fault she was crying."

"McCall, you do not rip your child's head off if she's crying."

"He," says Scott. "And I didn't!"

"And it's not a real baby," Jackson says, although he also looks pretty annoyed. It really wasn't their fault Derek lost his temper and destroyed the baby, but blaming him would really be the werewolf-and-fake-baby equivalent of "my dog ate my homework."

"Yours looks okay," Finstock says, moving on to Danny and Stiles. "Good job, Danny."

"I did a good job too!" Stiles protests. "Maybe if you hadn't programmed the babies to hate me."

"That's just common sense," says Finstock. "Even robot babies have a self-preservation."

"You did fine," says Danny, with a smile, once Finstock has moved on.

Stiles turns mushy inside. "Hey, I'm bisexual, do you want to make out?" he asks. He blames Danny's smile. It makes it impossible to think things through. Or, well, more impossible.

Danny gapes at him.

"That might not have been the right time for that," Stiles says. "In retrospect."

Danny keeps gaping.

"Right. Great." Stiles leans back with a long sigh. "Awesome."

*

"I kind of miss him," says Scott. "Do you think Finstock would let me have another one?"

"After what you did to the first one?" Stiles asks. "Yeah, I don't think so."

"Sorry," says Allison, giving him a squeeze around the shoulders. "Maybe we can get you one of those dolls that really wets itself."

"It wouldn't be the same," says Scott, frowning. But then, suddenly, he grins. Stiles almost looks around to see if there's another baby. "Hey, Allison, we should go to the library."

Or he just wants to get laid. Awesome.

Allison blinks. "We should?" Then she looks behind Stiles and smiles too. "You're right, we should."

"That's cool, I like being alone!" Stiles calls to their retreating backs. And then Danny sits down next to him, and things make more sense. "Oh. Hi."

"Hi," says Danny. He leans over and kisses Stiles, just a brief press of his lips before he pulls back. Really not the making out he was hoping for, but--Danny! Kissing!

He stares at him for a minute, and then says, "Really?"

"You were serious, right?" he asks. He doesn't sound worried, and he's smiling. Stiles has never made him smile this much. It's pretty amazing.

"Yeah. I mean, obviously. Of course. Yes."

"Okay," says Danny. "Cool." And then he stands up, like he's going to leave.

"So we're not getting a divorce?" Stiles blurts out.

Danny laughs. "Yes, we are." His face softens into a fond smile, and Stiles' heart flips over. "But I thought we could also get dinner tonight."

"Like a date?"

"Just like a date," says Danny.

"Oh. That's probably better. You don't want to rush into marriage or anything. I don't want this to be some shotgun wedding just because of the baby. That's just--"

"So I'll pick you up at seven?" says Danny.

"Yes, seven. Perfect. Awesome."

Danny kisses him again and goes back to his own table, and Stiles is left alone with his tray.

He grins. "Awesome."

Maybe he owes the demonic, Stiles-hating fake babies. Just a little.

longsufferingly @ 2012-10-19T21:30:00

2012-10-20T01:31:29Z

Title: Open Up My Eager Eyes
Author: poor_choices
Fandom: RPF
Pairing: Tyler Posey/Genevieve Cortese
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Knotting.
Word Count: 2200.
Summary: AU. In the nine years it's been since Gen saw Posey, he grew up into a hot alpha. So sex, obviously.
Notes: I can't really justify or explain this. Title from the Killers.
Disclaimer: Not mine, please don't sue.

"You look busy."

Gen stops spinning around in her chair and her pen falls off her upper lip and into her lap. She feels guilty for all of ten seconds before she sees the guy in the door and realizes it's Posey.

"Jesus, you scared me, asshole," she says. "I thought you were someone important."

"Wow," says Posey dryly. "Words hurt, Cortese. I'm not important?"

"Oh, shut up," says Gen. "What do you want?"

She doesn't scent him until he actually steps into the door, a strong shock of alpha that catches her off guard every time. Seeing Tyler Posey sitting in the bio seminar she was TAing was weird enough; finding out her high school BFF's dorky little brother grew into a jock alpha took it to a whole new level. She still remembers him as the dorky twelve-year-old who always wanted to show her his Star Wars action figures.

"Maybe I need help with something," says Posey, flopping into a chair.

"Door open," Gen says mildly. Posey never leaves the door open when he comes in; she doesn't exactly agree with the "omegas can never be in offices with alphas with the door closed" policy the school has, but she's still required to remind him about it. And then he ignores her.

"Maybe I have a deep biological issue."

"Maybe your entire life is a deep biological issue," says Gen.

Posey kicks his feet up on her desk. "So, how bored are you?"

"Pretty bored," Gen admits. "Office hours when there's no test on the horizon? The worst."

"And how horny are you?" he asks, smirking.

Gen stares. "Dude."

"What?" he asks, mock innocent. "You're in heat, right?"

"I'm on suppressants," she says, a little miffed. They've been kind of on the fritz lately, and, yeah, she's hornier than she's supposed to be. And it's possible that having Posey around is making it worse. But she's not going to tell him that. "Also, you're kind of being a creeper. Don't you have a deep biological issue?"

Posey raises his eyebrows. "Yeah. I'm not knotting you right now."

Gen chokes on nothing, overbalances, and falls out of her chair. "Holy shit, ow!" she says.

Posey cracks his shit up, like an asshole. "Oh my god, are you okay?"

"Your concern comes off as douchey when you're laughing, douche."

"You are hella inappropriate for a TA," says Posey, offering her a hand.

"Uh, you just fucking propositioned me," Gen says, letting him pull her up. "So--"

And then Posey kisses her.

Apparently, at some point in the nine years between Gen leaving for college and Posey joining her bio class, Posey learned how to kiss. He's got her pressed up against the wall, firm but not so much that she feels trapped, and he's kissing her slow and easy, opening her up like he's memorizing her.

"Posey," she breathes, when he leans in to nuzzle her neck instead.

"C'mon, Cortese," he says, nipping her neck, just the barest scrape of teeth. "Been thinking about this forever. Wanted you ever since I learned what my dick is for."

"Which was what, last week?" Gen asks. He bites her harder this time, and she whimpers helplessly.

"Can I eat you out?"

It's actually the last question she expected--even in the bizarro world where she was expecting Posey to proposition her. It's not the first thing alphas usually go for with an omega in heat.

"Uh," she says. "What? Yes," she adds, without thinking. He smells like alpha and grass and home. It's nice.

Posey laughs low and spins them around, sliding her onto the desk. "You sure?"

"Aren't you supposed to be, um, bossy?" Gen asks, flushing a little. Posey's pushing her legs apart, surprisingly gentle, hands sliding up her thighs. She's pretty glad she couldn't find any clean jeans this morning; unexpected bonus easy access.

"Yeah, I'll get there," says Posey. "Just--say no now, before I get my hopes up."

Gen slides her hand into his hair, tugging him up for a kiss. "I'm not saying no," she says. "Come on, stud, show me what you got."

Posey's expression is probably the single greatest thing she's ever seen, his whole face opening up with joy.

"Does this qualify me as a cougar?" she asks, canting her hips up so he can pull her underwear off.

"You're, what, twenty-six?" Posey asks, laughing.

"Twenty-seven."

"Yeah, you're totally a dirty old woman," he says, and leans down to lick inside her.

Gen's sex life isn't bad, but she mostly has periodic casual hookups, and they always go straight to knotting. She can't remember the last time anyone bothered with foreplay.

"Jesus, Posey."

Posey presses closer with this happy noise, sliding two fingers in to spread her wider, pushing his tongue in as deep as it goes. He's good at this, and Gen finds herself wondering about the other omegas he's been with. He's an attractive, nice guy. He's probably had lots of girlfriends.

But he likes her.

"Come on," she whines softly, spreading her legs wider. It feels good and all, but--she's in heat, and just getting hornier and hornier. She wants to fucking come.

"Pushy omega," Posey teases, sliding his fingers in deep and stroking up. Gen whimpers. "Hey, what do you like?"

"Knots." Posey bites her thigh, and she swats him. "I like sex, okay? I like having fun with cute boys. I like you, loser," she says, laughing.

"Me, huh," he says, laughing too. He leans in to lick into her again, like he just can't resist.

"A little," Gen says. "We can try whatever you want later, seriously, I'm not picky. But I would also like some clit action, jesus, come on, please."

Posey laughs and fucking finally leans up to suck on her clit, this amazing, perfect pressure that has her coming pretty much instantly. It's actually embarrassing.

He sucks her through it, drawing it out for what feels like forever. When she finally regains her senses, the ass of her skirt is sticky and Posey is smirking up at her from where he's crouched on the floor. "Good?"

"God, when did you learn to have sex?" she asks, breathlessly.

"I can do a lot better," he says. "Haven't even let me knot you yet."

"Yeah, no," Gen says, and Posey's face falls. "No, god," she says, and hauls him up for another kiss. "Of course you get to knot me. But not here."

Posey nuzzles her neck again. "Why not? You've never thought about me bending you over your desk?"

Gen groans. "I have now," she says. "But seriously, not here. I have an apartment. I don't want to be stuck in here with you inside me for half an hour, there's nowhere comfortable to sit and everyone will know exactly what happened. And then I'll get fired."

Posey's grin is lopsided and hopeful. "I can come to your apartment?"

Gen laughs. "Yeah. You can come to my apartment."

*

Tyler Posey fell in love with Genevieve Cortese when he was seven, and she said her favorite X-Man was Beast.

"You have a favorite X-Man?" he asked, awed.

"Duh," said Gen. "Beast."

And that was it. He was done.

He's not really sure how he managed to actually make this happen; part of him still thinks he's going to show up at her apartment and she'll punch him in the face. But he can still taste her in his mouth, so--

"Oh god," he says, scrubbing his face. He can't stop smiling. He's going to Gen's apartment. To get laid.

He kind of wants to call his mom and say I told you so, but he doesn't actually want to call his mom on his way to sex. That's just creepy.

Gen buzzes him up promptly, for which he's grateful--his hands are sweating enough without having to wait for her to let him in.

"Hi," he says, and thrusts the flowers he bought at her. "I, um--I got you these?"

Gen starts laughing, and can't stop. Tyler wants to be offended, but he just starts laughing too.

"Oh my god, you're adorable, you bought me flowers," she says, and pulls him inside for a kiss.

"You should put them in water," he says, nuzzling down her neck.

"You have to let go of me first, doofus," she points out, laughing. "I will put your flowers in water, don't worry. No one's ever bought me flowers before, I don't want them to die."

Tyler follows her into the kitchen, looking around her apartment with interest. There are some pictures of her family, a beat up couch, but nothing really--revealing. Tyler doesn't know that much about what Gen's life has been like in the last nine years. He wants to know everything about her.

"Nice place," he says, mostly because his mom raised him right, and that's what you say when you go to someone's house for the first time.

Gen laughs. "You're cute, kid," she says. "I moved in here this semester, I've been seriously procrastinating on decorating. I have a box full of posters and books I need to get up, but I don't have good shelves."

"I can make shelves," says Tyler.

Gen raises her eyebrows. "Like, what, you go into the woods, chop down a tree, and make me furniture?"

"I was thinking we'd go to IKEA," he admits. "But I could try chopping down a tree, sure."

Gen laughs and tugs him down for a kiss. "How about we start with sex," she says. "And then you can start building things for me." She slides out of his arms, which he thinks is totally unfair, until she throws her shirt at him on her way out of the kitchen. "Come on, Posey, bedroom."

"You could call me Tyler," he says. "Or not. I'm not picky." He trips kicking off his jeans, leaves them in a pile in the hallway. His dick is already tenting his boxers. Coordination is beyond him.

"I'll think about it," she says. Her skirt is in front of the bedroom door, but he's still surprised when he walks in and she's lying naked on the bed.

"Oh fuck," he breathes. "You are the most beautiful girl in the entire universe."

"Yeah, I am," Gen says, laughing. "You grew up pretty good yourself." He pulls off his boxers and feels pretty fucking smug when her eyes widen. "Really, really good," she says. "Wow, Posey."

He smirks, climbing on top of her for a long kiss. And groping her while he's at it. She has amazing boobs.

"Want me to eat you out again, or am I just gonna claim you?"

Gen laughs, arching up against him. "You're gonna claim me, huh?"

"Uh huh," says Tyler, leaning down to suck her nipple into his mouth. "You're mine now."

"Okay," says Gen, sliding her leg over his so she can rub up against his thigh. "Sounds good. You should claim me. Immediately."

"I thought you were on suppressants," Tyler teases, pulling back a little so he can line himself up.

"Yeah, they've been screwed up ever since you showed up in my class," Gen says, and Tyler has to pause.

"What?"

"Yes, you are screwing up my hormones," Gen says. "We can talk about it later. Come on, Posey."

Tyler doesn't argue; he slides inside, biting his lip because it is somehow just as good as he thought it would be.

Better, even.

"Oh my god," he breathes, and bites her hard on the neck. She's going to bruise, everyone's going to see, everyone's going to know Genevieve Cortese is his.

"Fuck, you better not get me pregnant," Gen says.

"Want me to get a condom?" he asks, biting her again.

"No, I want you to knot me, as soon as possible."

"So fucking bossy," Tyler says, laughing. He slides a hand under her, angling her up so he can get deeper, and the noise she makes is the single most rewarding thing that has ever happened to him. "I got you," he murmurs, kissing her. "Gonna take care of you."

He's so busy kissing her it actually takes him by surprise when he comes. Not that the sex part wasn't amazing, but the Gen was the best part.

And she's his.

"Oh fuck," Gen says, pushing back against his knot, and she scrabbles for his hand, pulling it down. He laughs and rubs his thumb over her clit. It takes one swipe and that's it.

Tyler's a sex god. It's cool.

Gen tugs him down on top of her, laughing. "I dunno if that claiming took," she says. "You're probably gonna need to try again. In, like, an hour. Just to make sure."

Tyler snorts and nuzzles her breasts. "What are we gonna do for an hour?"

"Make out," says Gen. "Sleep. You can play with my boobs, I guess. If you're into that."

"I'm into everything," says Tyler.

Gen laughs, repositioning. "I bet I could think of something."

"I bet not," he says. "But you should try. Something to aim for." He kisses her. "Hey, tell me more about how I screw up your hormones."

"Tell me more about how you've wanted me since you figured out how your dick worked."

"That's really the whole story," Tyler says. "Can I fuck you in your office next time?"

Gen pauses and then groans. "I'm not gonna be good at saying no to you, am I?"

"You're not?"

She laughs, shakes her head, kisses him again. "Yeah, I'm definitely not."

longsufferingly @ 2012-10-09T22:55:00

2012-10-10T02:58:02Z

Hey guys! theswearingkind podficced The Monster At the End of This Glee Club. You can download it here!

longsufferingly @ 2012-09-29T15:07:00

2012-09-29T19:07:55Z

Hey dudes, just a drive-by reminder that I'm closing holiday requests tomorrow! So if you'd like to ask for something, go to this post before like 11 pm tomorrow.

longsufferingly @ 2012-09-25T22:25:00

2012-09-26T02:42:36Z

Title: Wizard's Worth
Author: poor_choices
Fandom: Teen Wolf
Pairing: Danny/Stiles, Scott/Allison
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: References to fantastical racism (Harry Potter style).
Word Count: 4200.
Summary: Hogwarts AU! Danny is the nicest Slytherin ever, except for the part where he doesn't like Stiles. Stiles assumes being Potions partners will not improve this situation.
Notes: Other contractual obligations: Hogwarts AUs. Someday I will write that terrible Disney Channel Hogwarts AU, and it will be terrible.
Disclaimer: Not mine, please don't sue.

It all starts when Scott and Stiles blow up their Draught of Peace, which Stiles has trouble feeling upset about, because before the potion exploded, it was actually pretty successful. He was drenched with feelings of tranquility and well-being, and life is excellent.

"Can you explain this, Mr. Stilinski?" asks Professor Harris. He could use some peace. If only the potion hadn't all exploded.

"Well, you're the teacher," says Stiles placidly. "I figured you knew how it worked."

Professor Harris rubs his forehead. "Mr. McCall?"

"Everything is amazing," says Scott. He's lying on the bench behind their table, staring at the ceiling. He's kind of--reaching for it. He looks like a kitten batting at string, except there's no string, and he's not a kitten.

Maybe they messed up their draught a little. It's probably not supposed to feel quite so much like being high.

"Clearly," says Professor Harris, "the two of you cannot work together anymore."

"Oh," says Stiles, trying to be upset. He can't. "Okay."

"Mr. McCall, you'll be working with Miss Argent. Miss Argent, I apologize."

Allison Argent looks up with a confused but pleasant expression. Scott grins and practically trips over himself going to sit next to her. Scott's had a crush on her since second year, but this is their first class together, and Scott has yet to manage to introduce himself, or interact with her in any way.

Maybe this is their lucky day. Maybe Stiles will get Lydia Martin for his partner, and he and Scott can go on Potions partners double dates.

"Mr. Mahealani, you can come work with Mr. Stilinski," says Professor Harris, and, yeah, Stiles probably should have seen that coming. Danny was working with Allison, so if he didn't get pairs with Stiles, it would have been a lot more work. Tons of matching. Diagrams. This is easier.

And, okay, it's not like this is bad for Stiles. Except for the part where he thinks Danny hates him. Not that Lydia doesn't hate him, but Lydia hates everyone. Before she and Jackson started dating, Stiles would have said, if asked, that Lydia hated Jackson.

He'd still say that, actually.

Anyway, the point is, Danny likes everyone. Except Stiles. And that sucks, because Stiles thinks Danny is awesome.

Only it doesn't suck right now, because everything is great.

"Hey," he says, giving Danny a big, dopey smile. "Potions partners, high five," he says, holding up his hand.

Danny just stares at him blankly.

"Oh right, pure blood," says Stiles.

"I know what a high five is," says Danny.

"Oh," says Stiles. Danny continues to not high five him, so he high fives himself instead. "Nailed it."

*

By dinner time, he's freaking out.

"He's going to kill me!"

"Dude, I know he's a Slytherin, but he's not, like, evil," says Scott. "He's just a pureblood. He's a nice pureblood."

"Nice to you," says Stiles. "And outside the context of Potions. Which he is really good at. And I'm--mixed." It's not that Stiles is terrible at Potions, but there's so much to pay attention to. Stiles has trouble remembering how many times he's stirred in what direction, or how many scoops of something he's put in, and he gets distracted when it's cooking and--yeah, he's not the best Potions student ever. "He's going to kill me. He's good at Potions. He'll make it look like an accident. Why is my type people who want to beat me?"

"You'd be into a lot more people if that was true," says Isaac. "A lot of people want to beat you."

"Ha ha ha, shut up," says Stiles. "I can't believe Scott got Allison Argent."

"I know, right?" says Scott, beaming. "It's so awesome!"

"Should I bring him muffins?" Stiles muses. "Maybe that would help."

"Can you make muffins?" asks Isaac.

"I could make Allison muffins."

"Scott, you're not helping."

"We could make muffins together!"

"Because the last time we worked together on a project, it worked out so well," says Stiles.

"I'm working with Allison, so that's great," Scott points out. "And there's no way Danny will kill you! Especially not with muffins. But not ever. It's Danny."

"I am like the only person Danny doesn't like," Stiles points out. He glances over at the Slytherin table; Danny is reading a book and looking unfairly hot doing it. From what Stiles has observed (as a total non-stalker), Danny looks unfairly hot doing everything. "I bet he's plotting right now."

"Yeah, definitely," Scott agrees. "Muffins?"

"It can't hurt," Stiles mutters.

*

"Here," says Stiles.

Danny looks down at offered package, confused. Stiles thought it would be better if he wrapped it, but once that was done, it just kind of looked malformed. "What's that?"

"It's a muffin. I know wizards have muffins. I have seen them."

"Why did you bring me a muffin?"

"To celebrate the start of a prosperous and rewarding Potions partnership," says Stiles.

"Did you make it?" asks Danny.

"Well, me and Scott."

"Oh." Danny looks at the muffin with a lot more wariness than Stiles thinks is warranted.

"I ate one!" Stiles says. "It was good."

"Why don't we just--celebrate by doing our work," says Danny, putting the package in his bag.

"Because celebrations are supposed to be fun," says Stiles. "Doing our work is not a celebration."

"Potions is fun." Stiles stares at him in mute horror. Danny raises his eyebrows. "What? I like Potions."

"Hey, it takes all kinds," says Stiles. "I'm not judging. Scott likes Care of Magical Creatures, he's still my best friend."

Danny looks at him for a minute, and then turns back to his book. "So, Sleeping Draughts," he says, firmly.

Stiles sighs. "Right. Sleeping Draughts."

*

"We're going to Hogsmeade!" says Scott. Stiles wishes he had a bludger to release at Scott's face; the snitch is really not dangerous.

"I'm so happy for you," Stiles says, flatly.

"What?" says Scott, frowning.

"Nothing!" says Stiles. "Just, you know. You're going on dates and having a love life, and I'm going to be sad and alone in Hogsmeade."

Scott frowns. "You're not going to be alone, tons of people are going to Hogsmeade." He manages to catch the snitch before it actually escapes, but just barely. Their seeker graduated last year, and Scott is hoping to take over. He still has a ways to go. Of course, he's still closer to actually being on the team than Stiles, who is third relief chaser. At this point, the only real way either of them will ever see actual Quidditch play is if the entire rest of the team and most of the rest of Hufflepuff dies.

"Yeah, like I'm going to hang out with them," Stiles mutters. "Whatever, I'm happy for you. I'll be your kids' creepy over-invested uncle. It'll be awesome."

"Yeah, that sounds great!" says Scott, like he is actually enthused for this scenario. Probably the kids part, not the Stiles dying alone part.

Stiles still tries to throw the snitch at him; the snitch does not cooperate. Of course.

*

It actually kind of amazes Stiles how smoothly Scott and Allison seem to have started dating. He loves Scott, but he hadn't really thought that all he'd have to do to was talk to Allison to start a relationship.

"It just feels like there should be more steps," Stiles says.

"There are twenty-three steps," says Danny, with some horror. "How many do you want?"

"Huh?" says Stiles. "Oh, you mean in the potion!"

"Yeah," says Danny, giving him a look. "We're in Potions. Making a potion. Why wouldn't I be talking about that?" he asks.

"Because--" says Stiles. "Okay, how is it that all Scott has to do to get a girl is talk to her? I talk to girls all the time! Or, not all the time, but, you know. Sometimes."

"I don't really know a lot about how to get girls, Stiles," Danny says. "Pass me the chomping cabbage."

Stiles hands it over. "Okay, but it's not that different with guys, right? I never just talk to guys and they start dating me either."

"Well, you'd need to be interested in guys first," Danny says. "Stir. Five times. Counter-clockwise."

Stiles accepts the cauldron. "I'm interested in guys," he says. "If guys wanted to date me, I would be into that."

"What?" says Danny, and then he recovers. "Stop stirring."

Stiles stops. "What?"

Danny's staring at him a little, but then he shakes his head. "Uh, we need to put in the unicorn hairs."

"Oh, yeah," says Stiles. "Go for it."

Danny keeps looking sneaking glances at him as they work, and Stiles doesn't quite get it.

"Do I have something on my face?" he asks Scott, on their way to Care of Magical Creatures.

Scott looks at him. "No, I don't think so."

"Huh," says Stiles. "Weird."

*

Hogsmeade isn't as bad as Stiles feared it would be. Or, at least, it doesn't start as bad as he thought it would. But Scott goes to meet Allison just before lunch, and then Stiles realizes he has a few hours to kill. Alone.

At first, it's not so bad. He stops back by the joke shop again so he can buy things that Scott won't know about andpicks up a bunch of candy, but that only takes about half an hour. Stupid time.

He goes to the Three Broomsticks--he can't actually get drunk on butterbeer, but he can pretend to get drunk--and is about to grab a booth when he spots Danny. He's alone in a booth with a butterbeer and a book, wearing a t-shirt and jeans, which is really disconcerting.

Danny's family isn't that stuck up, as Pureblood Slytherin families go, but that's not really saying a lot. He knows they accepted that Danny was gay, which is more than a lot of those families would do, and Danny's never seemed at all prejudiced. But still, jeans seem like what should be an unacceptable level of Muggleness.

That's totally the only reason Stiles sits down. Not that Danny looks really hot, or that he's alone and reading, and that's kind of sad.

Danny looks up. "Stiles?"

"You own jeans?" Stiles asks.

Danny looks down at himself. "Yeah," he says. He looks back at Stiles. "I live in the city, I have to know how to dress like a Muggle. I like jeans."

"Me too!" says Stiles. "Jeans are great. They do way more for your ass than robes. Not your ass--well, probably your ass, but you're sitting, so I can't really tell. But asses in general. Look good in jeans." Danny is staring at him in mute horror/fascination, which is par for the course. "So hey, what are you reading?"

"Theories of Transubstantial Transfiguration," says Danny, and now it's Stiles' turn to stare in mute horror. "What?" asks Danny, defensive.

"Nothing!" says Stiles. "I always read boring textbooks on one of the precious days we actually get to leave the school. That's my favorite thing to do in Hogsmeade."

Danny huffs a little, looking away. Stiles thinks he might be blushing. "I got stood up," he says.

"What?" asks Stiles.

"I had a date, and he didn't show, okay?" says Danny.

"What's wrong with him?" asks Stiles.

Danny laughs, a little hollowly. "I don't know. But I'm going to see him in Ancient Runes on Monday, so that's going to be fun."

"Well, hey, man, if he didn't recognize that a date with you was going to be the highlight of his year, screw him. You're better off."

"The highlight of his year?" Danny asks.

"Yeah, definitely," Stiles says. "But, seriously, you can't just read. Come on, we'll get some more butterbeer, have something to eat, and then, I dunno. You want to help me figure out how to get this wart-growing powder onto everything Scott owns?"

Danny laughs. "Why do you want to put wart-growing powder on everything Scott owns?" he asks.

"I think that question answers itself."

*

So Hogsmeade is, in fact, kind of awesome, and it feels a little like Stiles did have a date. Not one where he got to make out or hold hands or anything (which Scott did, and Stiles is really mostly happy for him. Really!), but one where he had a good time with someone he's attracted to, and which, if he's lucky, might lead to more successful interactions.

Okay, so it might be pretty sad to get excited about this, but Stiles is fine with it. If nothing else, he's pretty sure Danny doesn't hate him anymore.

And when, three days later, Danny actually sits next to him in the library, he starts to think maybe Danny even thinks they're friends.

"Hey, do you have time to work on our assignment tonight?" he asks.

Or not.

But still, it's progress.

"Uh, yeah. Or we could do it now?"

"I have a Transfiguration essay to finish," says Danny. "After dinner?"

"Sure," says Stiles. "I love the library. Never enough time in the library."

"Oh, no, not the library," says Danny. "I think we're about ready to start the potion so I asked Professor Harris if we could use the dungeons."

"We're going to the dungeons?" Stiles asks, dubious. "Why would we go to the dungeons? We already have to be there for class."

"I live in the dungeons. It's not that bad."

"It's a dungeon. I don't like to stereotype Slytherin as the evil house, I like a lot of you guys, but you live in a dungeon. Who wants to live in a dungeon?"

"I think Professor Hale wishes he lived in the dungeon."

Professor Hale is the head of Hufflepuff; Stiles has to admit, if there is anyone in the world who longs to lurk in a dungeon, it's Professor Hale.

"Okay, so, people who want to live in a dungeon: you and Professor Hale. I'm sure you guys will be very happy together." Danny flushes, and Stiles gapes. "Oh my god, Professor Hale, really?"

"Shut up, you like Lydia."

"I dunno, not really, anymore," Stiles says, without thinking about it. But once it's out, he realizes it's kind of true. He has a lot of respect for Lydia--she's gorgeous and terrifying and still kind of a personal hero of his, but it's not going to happen, and he hasn't really thought about it since he and Danny started working together.

Huh.

"I don't like Professor Hale."

"But that's your type?" Stiles asks, considering. It's kind of a let down. Professor Hale is really ripped, and kind of surly and brooding, and Stiles is more scrawny and hyperactive. So, yeah. Not exactly something that makes the guys swoon, as a rule.

"What?" asks Danny. "No. I don't know. Shut up."

Stiles snorts and shakes his head, kicks Danny under the table. Danny kicks back, and they have a minor scuffle, until the librarian comes over and tells them to keep quiet. Stiles grins at Danny; Danny grins back and stays, reading his book with Stiles until dinner.

*

"What should I wear?" asks Stiles.

"Probably a sweater," says Scott, not looking up from his Care of Magical Creatures homework. "I bet the dungeons are drafty."

"Gee, that's helpful." Stiles has all of his clothes out on his bed.

"What?" asks Scott. "You don't want to get cold."

"Yeah, but I also want to look good."

"Why?"

"Because this is kind of like a study date. Except, you know, we're just doing a project together, but whatever. My grandmother says you dress for the job you want, not the job you have, so I need to dress like I am Danny's boyfriend."

"Danny's boyfriend doesn't wear sweaters?" asks Scott.

Stiles considers this. "I guess he probably could."

In the end, Scott helps enough to select a pair of jeans he promises are really hot and a nice sweater. And then he insists on giving Stiles a hug and telling him he's proud, which is a little weird, but he's used to weirdness from Scott.

And when he gets down to the dungeons, he's glad he didn't just wear his robes, because Danny's in a button-down and jeans, and it does feel weirdly like a date.

Or, at least, it feels like what Stiles assumes a date would feel like.

Their assignment is to research and brew one of the suggested potions from the back of the book, the ones they won't be doing in class; he and Scott had been planning to do the Purification Potion, because it cures hangovers and makes you burp uncontrollably, which is pretty much the most awesome thing ever, but Stiles didn't really know how to suggest that to Danny. He's not sure Danny gets drunk or thinks burping is hilarious, although he hopes so.

Instead, they're brewing the Wizard's Worth, which is kind of creepy. If it's prepared correctly, when you put a drop of blood in, the potion will change color to tell you how pure the blood is.

"This is weird, right?" Stiles asks. "This is for scary Muggle haters."

"Did you do any of the reading?" Danny asks, raising his eyebrows.

"I skimmed!"

"It was created to show Muggle haters how wrong they were," Danny says, stirring slowly. "A lot of purebloods accused it of being faked."

"Faked?" asks Stiles.

"It goes between red and blue, right? The redder it is, the purer the wizard blood. And the purest purebloods they could find still had some purple in them." He smiles a little. "There was a minor scandal. All the purebloods wanted to keep it quiet."

"Oh," says Stiles.

"Wanna try?" asks Danny, gesturing to the potion. He ladles a little out into a bowl, and Stiles pricks his finger, watching the blood swirl into the liquid, turning it purple. Danny frowns. "Did I add the gallyroot wrong?"

"Huh?" asks Stiles. "No, it's fine. Everything looks good."

"I thought you were Muggleborn."

"Oh, yeah. I did too. My mom--" he swallows. "My mom was a witch, but she died before she could tell my dad. Or me. So I didn't find out until I got here. I still--I feel like a Muggleborn."

"Oh," says Danny.

"Yeah." He gives a weak smile; it still makes something ache in his chest to even think about his mom, to think about her being here, walking the halls of Hogwarts, taking classes--this whole world they would have shared, if she hadn't died. "I forgot you didn't know," he tells Danny, a little awkwardly. "It's--" he stutters on it's not a big deal. Of course it's a big deal.

Danny puts his arm around him, warm and surprising. "I'm sorry," he says.

Stiles nods, takes a minute. It's strange, being there in the empty, silent dungeons with Danny. He's almost never in quiet places, especially not with Danny--he always feels the need to run his mouth, to keep Danny paying attention to him.

"So, let's do yours," he says, gesturing to the potion.

Danny washes out the bowl and refills it, squeezing a drop of blood off his finger.

"It's--not as red as I thought," says Stiles, carefully. Even with what Danny said, he'd expected pure blood to be much purer.

"My dad's a halfblood," says Danny, washing the bowl out again.

"But--" says Stiles. "You're--everyone--" he opens and shuts his mouth a few more times, confused. Mahealani isn't an old wizarding name, not here, but Danny's mom is a Whittemore, and they're as pure as pure gets.

"My mom went to Hawaii to study herbology," says Danny. He's still not looking at Stiles, cleaning up with slow, methodical movements. "And she met my dad and fell in love. My grandparents were furious, and--she actually made the Wizard's Worth potion," he says, with a small smile. "To prove our blood wasn't that pure."

"She made it, like, she brewed it? Like we did?"

"She invented it."

Stiles stares. "Your mom invented this?"

"Yeah," says Danny. "I always wanted to try making it."

"And you didn't tell me?"

"I assumed you did the reading!" says Danny, but he's laughing.

"Well," says Stiles, crossing his arms. "You should have known better."

Danny shakes his head. "Just put your name on it. Professor Harris said we could leave it here if we're done."

"That's really cool," Stiles offers. "That your mom did that for your dad."

"Yeah." Danny smiles. "My grandparents made my dad pretend to be from a pureblood family in Hawaii. It's not like anyone knows any better."

"So no one knows?"

"You know," says Danny, which makes Stiles feel warm and fuzzy for the five seconds before he adds, "and Jackson, and some of the other Slytherins. My parents obviously don't really care that much."

"Oh."

Danny smiles at him. "Thanks for making my creepy potion with me."

"Oh, yeah, no, definitely, it's actually romantic," Stiles says. "For your parents, I mean. Definitely better than anti-hangover burping."

Danny laughs. "No, I made that one last year, it's great."

So he's actually perfect. Fantastic.

*

"I have received all of your assignments," says Professor Harris, three days later. It's the first time Stiles has ever turned in homework early. It feels weird, like he's stepped into an alternate universe. "So we will be moving on to new partnerships."

"What?" says Stiles, sitting up in horror. "No! I was doing so well."

Professor Harris gives him a withering look. "Yes, Mr. Stilinski, that is why we will be switching. Your partner will not be carrying you all year. And you will not be dragging him down."

Stiles was more upset he was going to lose all the progress he'd made on befriending and maybe romancing Danny, but he's just as glad Professor Harris didn't figure that out. "I wasn't dragging him down," he mutters, slumping back.

Danny gives him a smile and wave and goes to sit with Boyd; Boyd's a Ravenclaw, so he's great at Potions. He's going to be a way better partner than Stiles. He digs his quill into the table, annoyed.

"I am not going to fail this class," says Lydia, sitting down next to him. "In fact, I am going to do unbelievably well in this class. You are not going to stop me. Understood?"

A few weeks ago, this would have been a dream come true. Now, Stiles just feels hopeless and more than a little terrified.

"Understood," he says, morosely.

*

He's in the library, doodling on the margins of his Divination notes, when Danny sits next to him.

He doesn't say anything, just pulls out his own book and starts reading, but there are tons of other seats. He chose to sit next to Stiles.

"Uh, hi," says Stiles.

Danny smiles. "Hi." He goes back to his book.

"You're sitting with me."

"Yeah," says Danny. "Is that okay?" he asks, when Stiles keeps staring at him.

"Yeah, of course! I just--I thought you didn't like me. Before. You didn't like me, and then we had to work together, and you kind of liked me, but I didn't know if it was one of those only when we're Potions partners things. Not that I wanted it to be--I just didn't know."

"I liked you before," says Danny.

"No, you didn't. You liked everyone in the world but me."

Danny looks down at his hands. "Stiles, I liked you. I thought you knew, and you were--" He's blushing; Stiles is transfixed. "I thought it was funny for you. Like, let's make fun of the gay guy with his crush."

"Wow," says Stiles. "No, that would be a total dick move. Why would I do that?" Then he catches up to the rest of it. "Wait, no! Why don't you like me anymore? That's totally not fair. Did you get to know me and stop? I should still be your crush!"

"You still are."

Stiles stops. "Oh. Really?"

"Yeah," says Danny, with this adorable little smile, and Stiles doesn't give him the chance to say anything else.

They manage to make out for five minutes before the librarian notices that Stiles has climbed into Danny's lap and kicks them out.

"I really do have to work," says Danny, laughing and breathless.

"But you can work any time!" Stiles protests.

Danny leans down for a final quick kiss. "We can hang out tonight, okay? If you finish your homework."

Stiles frowns. "Are you blackmailing me?"

"I'm motivating you. I don't want you to fail Potions without me."

"Yeah, Lydia would kill me."

"Exactly. Stay alive." He waves over his shoulder. "Later, Stiles."

Once he's sure Danny's gone, Stiles jumps up in the air and whoops. He scares the first-year Ravenclaws passing by, but he has trouble caring.

For the first time since he realized wizard school was actually not that much easier to focus on than Muggle school, he's really excited to do his homework.

longsufferingly @ 2012-09-23T17:57:00

2012-09-23T22:14:15Z

Oh, hey, first up, you have one week to leave me holiday ficlet prompts! So if you would like to do that, this is a friendly reminder.

Also, sob.

Title: Metatext
Author: poor_choices
Fandom: Teen Wolf/Temeraire (mostly just Iskierka, tbh)
Pairing: Danny/Stiles, Scott/Allison, Iskierka/Blingee
Rating: PG
Warnings: None I can think of. If I missed any, please let me know!
Word Count: 3300.
Summary: AU-ish (no werewolves). And completely AU for Temeraire. Scott finally reads Stiles' favorite webcomic, which inspires them to start their own, about Scott being a werewolf. And Iskierka occasionally shows up to tell Stiles that he is the worst.
Notes: Fun fact: I am contractually obligated to write a dumb fandom AU for every fandom I'm in! Also, this somehow got spoilers for Crucible of Gold in it, despite the fact that it's barely Temeraire fic. Good times.
Disclaimer: Not mine, please don't sue.

"Hey, I started reading that webcomic you like," Scott says.

Stiles stares at him, and then gapes, and then flails, and then composes himself a little. "Oh," he says, aiming for casual. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," says Scott. "It was pretty cool."

"Yeah?" asks Stiles. "Yeah, it is, right? It's awesome."

Scott shrugs. "It's pretty awesome, yeah. And it doesn't look that hard. I bet we could do something like that."

Stiles falls out of his chair. It's not like he's been dreaming about this or anything. "Really," he says, sticking his head up and resting his chin on the table. "I never thought about that. Would you want to maybe, like, write something for that? You know, just. If you wanted to."

Scott laughs. "It'd be fun, right?"

"Yeah," says Stiles. "I mean, if you're into that."

*

His Majesty's Dragon is, in Stiles' opinion, the most awesome webcomic of all time. Like a lot of web comics, it started off vaguely autobiographical, in that the main characters were based on the writer and the artist, except for the artist being a dragon. Stiles assumes the artist isn't really a dragon. But after the first year of gag-based humor, they changed the name from Will and Teme, brought on another writer, and it became this weird and totally awesome Napoleonic AU. But with dragons.

Stiles might not be its biggest fan, but he's absolutely top five. At least, that's what his comment count in the forum says.

"Okay, we don't want to just rip them off," he says.

"Yeah, that would be really obvious," Scott agrees. "Even if we did, like, the American Revolution with dinosaurs. And I don't really know enough about history. We need it to be set now." He drums his pencil on his notebook. "Is it gonna be us?"

"Of course it's gonna be us, we're awesome." He makes a face. "But it can't just be us going to school, that's boring. No one wants to read about two guys going to high school."

"What if it was't just high school. Like, high school with dragons. But not dragons, obviously. They've got dragons covered."

"Something like dragons," says Stiles. "Something cool. Sexy."

"Vampires?" says Scott.

Stiles snorts. "Vampires? Seriously? No. So overdone."

"I like vampires," Scott mutters. "Werewolves?"

Stiles considers. "I could do werewolves."

*

"Okay, we can't both be werewolves," says Stiles.

"Why not? We could be a pack. Werewolves have packs."

"It creates conflict, duh. Besides, if we both start as werewolves, where are we gonna go?"

"Awesome werewolf places!" says Scott. "If we can't both be werewolves, I get to be the werewolf," he says crossing his arms.

Stiles frowns. "How does that make sense?"

"Hey, I was gonna share," Scott says. "I thought we could both be werewolves. You're the one who's saying no."

It's the annoying kind of Scott logic that isn't very good, but also kind of makes sense. Enough sense that Stiles doesn't know how to argue with it. Stiles huffs. "Fine," he says. "But you're not going to be a cool werewolf."

*

"Why would I make a website for you?" Danny asks.

Stiles doesn't exactly look for excuses to talk to Danny. Mostly because it's so easy to come up with reasons to talk to Danny that it doesn't count looking for excuses. It's not like talking to Lydia; that takes weeks of preparation and research.

"Why wouldn't you?" asks Stiles. "You know how."

"Being a webmaster takes a lot of time," says Danny. "Besides, you know how. Why don't you do it?"

"All the good web comics have creative teams," says Stiles. "I'm already the artist. I can't be the artist and the webmaster."

"Yes, you can," says Danny. "You design the website, come up with an updating queue for the comic. It'll take five minutes. And you'll already be on the site all the time to monitor problems."

Stiles grabs Danny's laptop. Danny makes a feeble attempt to get it back, but he's got his chemistry book open, and it's large enough he can't coordinate around it.

"I didn't want to have to do this," he says. "But you leave me no choice."

"Stiles--"

"This," says Stiles, turning the laptop toward Danny, "is His Majesty's Dragon's website."

Danny stares in mute horror. He clicks a few links, and just looks more and more upset. "Why would anyone do that?"

"Iskierka," says Stiles, shuddering. Danny just looks blankly at him. He sometimes forgets that the webmistress's name is not that enlightening to normal people. "Okay, their webmistress was born too late. She missed out on Geocities, which is what she should be designing for. And now we are all suffering for it. Also, once she posted a screenshot of her Internet Explorer browser--yes, she uses Internet Explorer--and her first bookmark was Blingee. So, see, we need an awesome website."

Danny keeps staring at the site. There's a muscle twitching in his jaw. "Okay, email me what pages you need, the overall concept, and some art. Do you want me to run the forum too?"

Stiles pumps his fist under the table, but manages a mostly compose smile when Danny looks back at him. "Yeah, that would be great."

*

Iskierka is the closest Stiles has to a rival. He figures it should be Temeraire, since he's the artist, but Temeraire he has no issues with; from what he can tell, Temeraire is pretty cool. Iskierka, on the other hand, is a demon from hell sent to test Stiles.

She came in to do webdesign for HMD with the new writer. Stiles isn't entirely clear how they're related--he's pretty sure Granby is gay, so she can't be his girlfriend. But she's clearly somehow very close to him, because otherwise they would fire her. Unless they secretly like Blingee. He doesn't want to believe that, because then he would have to lose respect for the entire enterprise.

Most of what Stiles knows about Iskierka is that:

1. She does not take constructive criticism well.
2. She does not take the suggestion that Granby might have ever written a bad sentence in his life well.
3. She doesn't really take anything well, unless it involves money or Blingee.
4. She wants to kill him.

Stiles is not overly critical. He's not! He thins the comic is great. He thinks the forum could use some work--a lot of work--and that not every single thing the comic does is absolutely and 100% perfect. And, yes, maybe he is the only regular who's still willing to call her out on the official forum, which makes him a target, but that's just standing up for what's right. You don't just bow to dictators.

And he might have, at some point, gotten his hands on Granby's private, unposted email, so he has that to hold over her head. From what Stiles has gathered, none of the others even go in the forum, and every time someone manages to get to one of them to look, Iskierka gets a firm talking to.

So, yeah, Stiles has not yet been banned. And, if he's honest, he thinks baiting Iskierka? Is kind of fun.

hey guys, just want to announce I've got a new webcomic starting up! it's called wolf high and it's going to be AWESOME :D, he posts, once they have the website up and functional, and the first ten comics posted.

As he predicted, Iskierka replies in under five minutes: no

no what? this is the promotions thread. i get to promote stuff

it's not going to be awesome. YOU'RE doing it, and granby isn't. it will be terrible. there aren't even any gifs on your homepage

you like my art! remember that anonymous exchange? you told me my drawing was AMAZING, and then when you found out it was me, you said you were just being nice. but we all know that's bullshit, because you're NEVER nice.

As expected, that gets him temp-banned for a day. But when he asks Danny about it, he says they got a bunch of hits from the forum post, so Stiles is counting that as a win.

*

Stiles did not start a webcomic to get girls. He knows that, in general, "I am famous on the internet" is a pickup line that only works with very limited audiences, and that Lydia Martin is not in that audience.

He might have been at least partially motivated by getting guys, and that part is going pretty well. Danny talks to him regularly now, and mostly without hostility. He thinks the comic is "kind of charming," which is more than Stiles ever expected, and when he read the zero-formatting version of HMD (Stiles is pretty sure Iskierka is the only one who reads the regular version; no one else can put up with the Blingee hearts that show up every time Granby appears), he said that was really cool. And Stiles is actually pretty knowledgeable about web comics and design, so they can have discussions that don't end with Danny looking at him like he's an idiot.

Anyway.

Scott does think writing a web comic will get him girls; specifically, Allison Argent. Stiles likes Allison--she's fun and funny and hot, and she seems to appreciate Scott's unique Scottness. He probably doesn't need the help from the webcomic, and Stiles would have advised him to shut up about it, if he'd asked him first.

Instead, Scott says, "Hey, do you want to be in our webcomic?" one day during lunch.

Stiles and Danny were discussing the layout for the archive page--Stiles wants it broken down by storyline, Danny isn't confident in their ability to come up with sustained storylines--but they both look up at that. Stiles assumes Danny is also amazed at how bad a pickup line that is.

Allison crinkles her face up in confusion. "Your webcomic?"

"Yeah, me and Stiles have a webcomic," says Scott. "Danny's the webmaster."

"That's what you guys are always talking about?"

"Not always," says Stiles, at the same time Danny says, "Yes," and Scott says, "Most of the time."

Allison worries her lip. "Is it popular?"

"Kind of," says Scott.

"Getting more popular every day."

"Not by much," says Danny.

"Hey, our number of hits is going up."

"You're still about thirty percent of the daily hits," Danny points out. "Every day. You and that weird stalker person."

"We're doing okay," Scott says firmly. "You can look at it if you want!"

"That sounds really cool," says Allison. "Just--don't make it too obvious?"

"Why not?" asks Scott.

"My dad doesn't like webcomics."

"Wait, what?" says Stiles. "Why does your dad not like webcomics? Webcomics are awesome! Why does he even have an opinion? Does he want the internet to get off his lawn?"

"Yeah, kind of," says Allison. "He's, uh--my grandfather is Gerard Argent. He does, um, The Code?"

Stiles stares. "The Code? Like, that shitty soap opera comic that runs under Mary Worth?"

"It's not that bad," says Allison, looking put out.

"Yeah, come on, Stiles, it's not that bad," says Scott, glaring. Like Scott has ever read and enjoyed The Code. Stiles appreciates his desire to get laid, but there are some lines you do not cross.

"My dad's gonna take over from him someday," says Allison. "He thinks webcomics are a threat to the industry or something." She rolls her eyes. "It's dumb. I just don't want him to get upset. He wants me to help him write it."

Scott lights up. "Really? We should totally talk about it! Maybe you can help me with my writing..."

Stiles groans, but he's kind of secretly glad Allison seems excited. He starts doodling a draft of what Allison could look like in the comic in the margin of his chemistry notes, and Danny nudges him. "What?"

"Am I going to be in the comic?" he asks.

Stiles blinks. "Oh, yeah, definitely! If you want. I actually already have some character design done for you, nothing big."

Danny looks pleased. "Yeah?"

"Obviously," says Stiles. "You're an important part of the team."

Danny ducks his head. "Cool."

*

"This is a little extreme," says Stiles.

"What? No it's not."

"Her dad doesn't like webcomics, so you're making him an evil werewolf hunter?"

"Yeah."

"You don't see anything extreme about that?"

"Allison says we can't show him the comic!"

"Why would you want to?"

"So he'll be impressed with me."

Stiles sighs. "Okay, so, he's not going to know you write a webcomic, so you're going to put him in your webcomic as an evil werewolf hunter."

"Yeah."

"No, that seems totally reasonable. Definitely not an overreaction at all."

"Make his eyebrows scowlier."

"You got it."

*

From: iskierka@hismajestysdragon.com
To: stiles@wolfhigh.net
Subject: still no

we are not going to be affiliates
ever
stop emailing me
your comic is not good enough
granby is going to steal your webmaster

From: stiles@wolfhigh.net
To: iskierka@hismajestysdragon.com
Subject: still no

wait, what about danny?

*

"So, I got an ISP match for that lurker I was telling you about," Danny is saying. "The one who visits the site even more than you do?"

"Yeah?" says Stiles, absently. He's having trouble paying complete attention, now that he knows Iskierka is trying to steal Danny with fame and glory and sex with Granby.

"Yeah, and get this--it's Mr. Hale."

Stiles blinks. "Mr. Hale? Like--Mr. Hale."

"Yes, Mr. Hale."

"The English teacher who's always talking about Scott's potential like a creeper?"

Danny shrugs. "I got an email from him about our paper, I noticed the ISP looked familiar. Numbers don't lie, Stiles."

"That is so creepy," says Stiles. "Jesus. I'm going to make that werewolf who's creeping on Scott look like him."

Danny raises his eyebrows. "That's subtle."

"If Scott can make his girlfriend's dad into an evil werewolf hunter, I can make our creepy English teacher into a creepy werewolf."

Danny laughs. "Whatever you say."

"Are you gonna quit?" Stiles blurts out.

"Quit what?" asks Danny.

"The comic."

Danny looks over at him, confused. "What? Why would I quit?"

"Because Iskierka is trying to lure you away! With sex and a cut of merch sales! And, I don't know, whatever Iskierka has. Blackmail material, probably."

"Oh," says Danny. "That."

Stiles goggles. "She really did that? I thought she was just messing with me, and you'd be like, Stiles, what are you talking about? You never know what I'm talking about."

"I think she's actually weirder than you are," says Danny ruefully. "Look, it's not a big deal."

"Yes it is! She's trying to steal you! That is totally sabotage. And they're way more popular than us, she doesn't need to steal. They actually have merch sales, and once we do you're totally going to get a cut and--"

"Stiles, I'm not going to quit," says Danny. "Why would I quit?"

"Let's see, their comic is more popular than ours, more profitable than ours, better than ours, you didn't want to do this in the first place, if you quit maybe you could redesign their site and make it not hideous, and that would almost be worth it, and you'd get a date!"

"I like your comic," says Danny, which makes Stiles feel warm all the way down to his toes. "And a date, what? I don't want to date her. I'm gay, remember? And she's terrifying. She uses Internet Explorer."

"She said she was going to give you Granby."

"Uh, Stiles? Granby is almost thirty and lives in Michigan. She wasn't even offering me a date with him, she just said--" he looks away, flushing.

"Hey, what did she say?" asks Stiles. "Dude, come on! This is important. She's the enemy."

"She said I could be in the comic--which I don't think she could do, by the way--and that Granby would be a way better love interest than you."

Stiles blinks.

"Which would be really historically inaccurate," Danny says quickly. "I don't think it would really make sense for the comic."

"I'm a love interest?" asks Stiles.

"Since when do you listen to Iskierka?"

"Since she decided I'm a love interest! This is awesome! I bet we could talk Scott into doing that as a side plot."

"I thought you and Lydia was the side plot," says Danny, warily.

"Yeah, no," says Stiles. "Not even in my fantasies is that happening. We strive for some level of werewolf realism. But me and you--that's kind of plausible, right?" he asks, with a hopeful raise of his eyebrows.

"You'd need to do some serious development," Danny says, but he's smiling a little. "You haven't even established Stiles as gay."

"Bisexual," Stiles corrects. "It's been implied."

"I must have missed that," says Danny.

"Lack of reading comprehension," says Stiles, sadly. "Very sad. Mr. Hale would be disappointed." He looks over at Danny. "So, this is flirting, right? Flirting that will lead to dating? That's what happening right now?"

Danny shakes his head, laughing. "Yeah, Stiles. That's what's happening."

*

"We need another villain," says Scott. "I just met Allison's grandfather. He hates the entire internet. He's going to be our big bad."

"What, her crazy aunt wasn't enough?"

"I thought she was, until I met her crazy grandfather! Her entire family is totally internet-hating werewolf hunters."

"Are you sure you want to date this girl? She's from a family of Luddites."

"What's a Luddite?"

"Never mind. Are you working my romance in there, stud? Or is this going to be all about you and your girlfriend's evil werewolf family?"

"Of course I am," says Scott, affronted. "I bet Danny's family is nice," he mutters.

"Yup," says Stiles smugly. "I had dinner there last week. His mom made pie."

Scott scowls. "I bet someone in his family is a Luddite."

"Yeah, I don't care."

Scott drums his pencil on Stiles' latest page. "Hey, is it just me, or does this new werewolf kind of look like Mr. Hale?"

Stiles chokes. "Nope. Just you."

*

From: iskierka@hismajestysdragon.com
To: stiles@wolfhigh.net
Subject: [no subject]

granby says he wants to affiliate with you
this doesn't mean anything
you are still terrible

From: stiles@wolfhigh.net
To: iskierka@hismajestysdragon.com
Subject: Re: [no subject]

YES
IN YOUR FACE

I mean

That's very exciting! We're flattered. We're all huge fans of your comic.

From: iskierka@hismajestysdragon.com
To: stiles@wolfhigh.net
Subject: Re: [no subject]

of course you are, our comic is the best comic
yours is okay, I guess
granby thinks stiles/danny is cute

i like lydia

From: stiles@wolfhigh.net
To: iskierka@hismajestysdragon.com
Subject: Re: [no subject]

I'll be sure and let her know

*

"Who?" asks Lydia. "Why do I care?" And then she leaves.

"I don't really know how you thought that was going to go," says Danny, fondly.

"They can never meet," says Stiles. "Oh my god, can you even imagine? It would be, like, apocalyptic. The world would actually end."

"So you want to do a crossover?" Scott surmises. There is a very good reason Scott is his best friend.

"Oh my god, do you think they'd be into that? That would be amazing. We have got to get that happening."

Danny laughs. "You have to email Iskierka to set it up," he points out.

"Worth it," says Stiles. "Totally worth it." Danny shakes his head and squeezes his hand, and Scott slides over the script for the next comic. Stiles has to smile. "Best idea ever."

longsufferingly @ 2012-09-21T21:59:00

2012-09-22T02:03:27Z

Title: So Come Over, Just Be Patient, and Don't Worry
Author: poor_choices
Fandom: Teen Wolf
Pairing: Danny/Stiles
Rating: Hard R.
Warnings: None I can think of. If I missed any, please let me know!
Word Count: 1900.
Summary: Follow-up to Catch Me No Catch. Danny has an awkward morning after.
Disclaimer: Not mine, please don't sue.

Stiles Stilinski was the first person Danny ever came out to.

It wasn't really on purpose; it wasn't even planned. He'd only figured it out himself a few weeks earlier, and he'd been thinking about how to tell people without really wanting to do it yet. He was just sitting on the sidelines in gym with a hurt ankle and Stiles came over and said, "Hey, are there any girls you like?"

And maybe he'd been looking for someone to understand, getting his hopes up, but he'd thought that maybe--maybe--Stiles was asking because he knew, and he was gay too. Danny's pretty sure he was just desperate for someone to actually get it. So he said, "I think I'm gay."

If he'd really though it through, he probably wouldn't have told Stiles first. He would have worried about Stiles telling everyone, because Stiles--well, Danny had trouble believing Stiles had any thoughts that he didn't immediately share with anyone and everyone who would listen. He still doesn't know how he kept quiet about the werewolf thing.

Stiles had looked surprised for a second, but then he'd just smiled easily and said, "Cool. So are there any guys you like?"

It took about a month for him to realize Stiles had brought it up because he thought Danny liked Lydia and wanted to scope out his competition. Not that he ever tried to make a move. But in that month, Danny had kind of, well, wanted. He thought Stiles would probably be a pretty good boyfriend, once you got used to the non-stop talking.

But there was Lydia, so Danny had given up on Stiles being gay, and stopped thinking that maybe they'd date. He had other boyfriends, and Stiles kept on being Stiles.

And now it's nine a.m. on Saturday morning, and he's naked in Stiles' bed.

Stiles is asleep. He's also naked, and drooling a little, and his half-hard dick is pressing up against Danny's leg. Which is definitely getting Danny's dick interested, and that's probably not a good idea. At all. Yes, Stiles was into this last night, but Stiles might have been drunk. And, honestly, Danny still has trouble believing any plan masterminded by Scott McCall will really go this smoothly.

He extricates himself from Stiles carefully, pulls on his boxers and jeans, and staggers down the hall toward the bathroom. He's been here enough for lab partner meetings that he knows his way around, and he even remembers the light switch is outside the bathroom, which always used to confuse him.

He takes a long piss and then examines himself in the mirror. He looks--okay, he looks like he had sex with Stiles. Even if he talked Stiles out of actual full on sex, because he's still not entirely clear how drunk Stiles was, or how gay he is, or how upset he'd be if he woke up and discovered he let Danny fuck him. But he's got a couple hickeys, and he feels sore and satisfied, if more than a little freaked out.

He washes his face and puts some toothpaste on his finger to get his mouth tasting less like something died in it. He might also be avoiding the next step of his morning, which is figuring out what to do with himself. He could go home, maybe, but--even if Stiles wakes up and has a gay crisis, he's probably going to want to talk about it. Danny's not sure there's any crisis Stiles wouldn't want to talk about.

He dries his face and heads back down the hallway, but before he can go back into Stiles' room, someone says, "Is that you, Danny?"

The last time Danny spoke to Sheriff Stilinski, he was thirteen and had just been arrested for hacking into the police database. It had been a stupid dare from Jackson, of course, and he'd been overconfident about no one being tech-savvy enough to catch him. He'd never gotten in serious trouble before, barely even had to go to the principal's office. He had been scared shitless.

But this is worse. He's not even fully dressed. And he has hickeys. From Stiles.

So much worse.

"Uh," he says. "Hi, Sheriff."

"Stiles didn't tell me you were sleeping over," says the sheriff.

"I, uh--" says Danny. "I kind of overdid it," he says. "He said I could sleep it off here." He's not sure, but he thinks underage drinking is better than he really wanted to blow me and I didn't think we should do that in public.

The sheriff claps him on the shoulder. "It's okay. I was expecting this."

Danny chokes. "You--were?"

"Look, you're a good kid, Danny. And I know Stiles likes you. Just tell let me know in advance next time you stay the night, okay?"

"Yes," says Danny. "Sir. Yes, sir."

"We'll get breakfast when Stiles gets up, okay? Unless you need to get home."

Danny coughs. "I'll ask. My parents, I mean. And Stiles."

"Good," says the sheriff. "Good to see you again, son."

"You too, sir."

He ducks into Stiles' room, relieved to be out of the hallway, but then he realizes he's in Stiles' room, which isn't that much of an improvement. Stiles has shifted a little, but he's still asleep, his face mashed into the pillow, mouth open and drooling a little.

Danny thinks it's cute; that's going to be a problem.

He finds his shirt and pulls it on. He definitely can't leave now, even if he wanted to--not with the sheriff wanting to get breakfast.

Instead, he flops down in Stiles' computer chair. Stiles' copy of The Great Gatsby is on his desk; they're supposed to be finished for Tuesday.

Danny finds his place and starts reading.

*

"Are you doing homework?" Stiles asks, incredulous.

Danny looks up and then immediately back down; Stiles is sitting up in bed, the sheets slipping off him, far enough that Danny's options are pretty much not looking or staring.

"I haven't finished it yet," he says.

"It's--ten a.m.," says Stiles. "It's ten a.m., it's Saturday, and I'm naked. Why aren't you still naked and in bed? Dude. Come on."

"I had to go to the bathroom," says Danny, like that's an actual reason.

Stiles groans and Danny hears him flopping back. "Oh my god, we could be having sex right now. Why are you having a gay crisis?"

"Your dad is here!"

"He is?" Stiles asks. There's a pause. "How do you know that?"

"I ran into him when I went to the bathroom," Danny admits. "So we can't be having sex."

"What, you think he's standing outside the door monitoring for my breathy moans?"

Danny has to give him a look, which is a total mistake. Stiles is lying on top of the sheets, totally naked, and Danny wants to lick him. "Did you just say breathy moans?" he says, hoarsely.

"Yes I did," says Stiles. "Seriously, why are you all the way over there?"

Danny clears his throat. Now that it's clear that Stiles is not, in any way, freaking out, he's actually less sure what to do. Part of him was still expecting him to say it was all a big mistake.

"Come on," Stiles wheedles. "I have condoms. I have lube. I'm naked."

"Why do you have lube?" They don't have that in the bathroom at the club; Danny has heard people complaining.

"Hey, it's good for girls too," Stiles says. "I mean, obviously, I could get a girl sufficiently, uh, ready without help. But lubrication never hurts! Safety first. Also, you know, it's good for jerking off when I want to get adventurous."

"Oh my god, stop talking," says Danny, putting aside the book so he can bury his face in his hands. He really doesn't need to be thinking about Stiles, jerking off, with his fingers working himself open-- "You're the worst."

"What?" says Stiles. "Wait, you're turned on right now! I am turning you on! Yes!"

"Stiles--"

"I knew it! You're into me!"

"Of course I'm into you, we had sex last night," says Danny, rubbing his face.

"No, you wouldn't have sex with me."

"That's not--" Danny starts, but he gives up. He closes the book, gets up, slides in next to Stiles and kisses him.

Stiles makes this noise that goes directly to Danny's dick. Which, honestly, didn't need any more encouragement, considering Stiles is naked and wants to have sex with him. He rolls closer, pressing his thigh between Stiles' legs, moans himself when Stiles starts rubbing up against him, already hard.

"Stiles, your dad is home," Danny protests weakly, when Stiles pulls back long enough to pull off his shirt.

"So?" he asks, pressing closer.

"He's the sheriff," says Danny. "He has a gun."

"What, do you think he's going to shoot you?" asks Stiles, getting his hand into Danny's boxers and wrapping his fingers around Danny's dick.

"Oh god, you're not--" Danny whimpers and pushes his face against Stiles' shoulder. "God, Stiles."

"I'm expecting you to get better at sex," Stiles says, sounding smug. "You're the expert here. You're supposed to be teaching me how to do this."

"Yeah, uh, you're good," says Danny. "Doing fine."

"Yeah?" says Stiles. "I jerk off a lot."

"You have got to stop talking about that," Danny says weakly, pushing against Stiles' hand.

"Yeah, uh, no. I'm going to talk about that all the time, you think it's hot."

Danny manages to shove his jeans and boxers down before he comes, so he just jizzes on Stiles' hand and not on his only clean clothing.

He flops on his back, panting a little. "Wow," he says.

"So I'm your boyfriend, right?" says Stiles, smug.

"Yeah," says Danny, still feeling dazed.

"So, you gonna help me out with this? Or do you just want me to do it myself?"

Danny whimpers, rolling over to see Stiles already starting to jack his cock. He didn't really get a great look at him last night, but--wow.

"I'm gonna die," he breathes.

"From hot, right? Definitely because I'm so hot."

He's only been going for a minute before Danny needs to touch, has to have his hands on Stiles again, and Stiles definitely doesn't object.

*

They finally make it downstairs a little before noon. Sheriff Stilinksi is reading the paper; he smiles when he sees them, so if he knows they spent the last two hours having lots of sex, he clearly doesn't care.

"Hey, dad," says Stiles. "You met Danny, right?"

"I did," says the Sheriff. "I guess we're going to have lunch instead. Unless you have to get home, Danny."

Danny feels vaguely like he's stepped into an alternate universe; werewolves he can handle, but dating Stiles Stilinski might actually break his brain.

"No, sir, I have time," says Danny.

"Good," says the sheriff. "Stiles, next time you tell me before your boyfriend spends the night, understood?"

"Understood," says Stiles.

They go to a diner and talk about lacrosse, and it's nice. Stiles gives him a kiss goodbye, which is nicer, and even Jackson's are you high text isn't enough to bring him down.

He's having a surprisingly great day.

longsufferingly @ 2012-09-18T21:20:00

2012-09-19T01:23:02Z

Title: Catch Me No Catch
Author: poor_choices
Fandom: Teen Wolf
Pairing: Danny/Stiles, Scott/Allison, background Lydia/Jackson
Rating: PG-13.
Warnings: None I can think of. If I missed any, please let me know!
Word Count: 3100
Summary: In which Stiles is not a broody vampire, Scott is (mostly) helpful, and Danny just wants to finish his English paper.
Notes: sob. ALSO spoilers for the end of season two, I forgot non-AUs have spoilers :(
Disclaimer: Not mine, please don't sue.

"The problem," Stiles is saying, "is Edward."

Scott takes the bottle from him and has a drink. "Who?" he asks.

"ED. WARD," says Stiles, much slower and louder. "He's too brooding!"

Scott looks at the bottle, which clearly doesn't know what's happening either. "Who's Edward?"

"All the girls," says Stiles, gesturing vaguely, "are on Team Edward. Because he's brooding and tragic and, I don't know, chiseled, I guess? From sparkling marble. And Jacob kind of is too, maybe? He's a werewolf, we know werewolves get girls," he adds, giving Scott a pointed look.

"I'm single," Scott says. He's not exactly bitter, because he and Allison are friends again now, and he's pretty sure they're going to get back together soon. They just haven't yet. And she's not dating anyone either, so it's okay. Sort of.

"But not Stiles. Because I'm not even in Twilight. I don't brood! I have tons of angst, but I'm not broody, so I am going to die alone."

Scott looks at the bottle again. "I never saw Twilight," he tells it.

"Guys like Jackson and Derek are Edwards," says Stiles, miserably. "And you're Jacob. And I'm the guy who sits at home watching Twilight and jerking off." He pauses. "Not, you know, to Twilight. First Twilight, and then jerking off. Separately." He pauses again. "And I don't watch Twilight."

"Uh huh," says Scott, and falls asleep.

*

The next morning, he actually remembers the conversation, and that it was Stiles' idea to get drunk, and realizes that, maybe, Stiles is having a hard time. Lydia and Jackson are still going strong, and Scott's pretty sure they've actually sorted themselves out and decided they love each other, and he thinks it's going to stick. And, yes, Scott is technically single, but that mostly just means he and Allison aren't having sex. It's a big difference to him, but not as much to Stiles.

And with the alpha pack out of the way and the werewolf front as calm as it ever gets, Stiles probably has a lot of time to think about how he's single.

Luckily for him, that also means Scott has a lot of time to help.

*

"The problem is Stiles doesn't think about anyone but Lydia," Scott tells Allison.

"Yeah, I don't think that's going to happen," says Allison, drumming her pencil on her book. "For a lot of reasons. What did you get for five?"

"We just need to find someone else for him to focus on! You know, someone single."

Allison raises her eyebrows. "Are you trying to set Stiles up?"

"Yeah!" says Scott. "Why not?" He turns over his notebook, ignoring his barely started chem homework, and write GIRLS FOR STILES at the top of the page. "Okay, there's--Erica?"

"Stiles is terrified of Erica," says Allison. "And she's dating Boyd. And Derek would probably kill him."

"Okay," says Scott, frowning. "Jenny."

"From English?"

"Yeah."

"Dating Greenberg."

"Really?" asks Scott. "Greenberg?" He scratches his head with the eraser of his pencil. "No wonder Stiles is depressed. Even Greenberg's got a girlfriend." He sighs. "Amanda?"

Allison gives him a look. "No."

"Why not?"

"She's a lesbian, Scott."

"Oh," says Scott. He brightens. "No, wait, that's it!"

"You're not setting Stiles up with a lesbian."

"No, no, I'll set him up with a guy! That's perfect!"

"Does Stiles like guys?" asks Allison, dubiously.

"I just have to find the right one!" says Scott, pushing his books into his bag. "Thanks for your help! See you in history?"

"Yeah," says Allison, shaking her head like she's just waking up from a very weird dream. "Sure."

*

Danny is sitting with Jackson and Lydia, but Scott isn't going to let that stop him.

"Lacrosse season is over," says Jackson pointedly. Scott doesn't even look at him.

"Hey, Danny, who's gay here?"

Danny blinks at him. "Excuse me?"

"Who are the gay guys at school? Do you have a list?"

"You know," says Lydia, "there is nowhere this conversation can go that I want to hear." She takes her tray and stands, and gives Jackson a pointed look when he doesn't follow. "Jackson!"

"Oh, yeah," says Jackson, and they both leave, Jackson tossing a glare over his shoulder.

Danny smiles faintly. "Why do you want a list of gay guys?" he asks.

"For Stiles."

"Why does Stiles want a list of gay guys?"

"Not for Stiles," says Scott. "I mean, I'm trying to find a guy for Stiles."

"For what?"

"To date," says Scott. The duh is implied.

Danny looks a little green. "I don't think that's a good idea, Scott."

Scott frowns. "Stiles isn't really unattractive to gay guys, is he? He can't be unattractive to all gay guys." He brightens. "Hey, you can date Stiles!"

Danny goes from green to white. "Why would I date Stiles?"

"Well, you guys have a lot in common," says Scott. Danny doesn't look convinced. "You both like computers, you play lacrosse, your best friends are werewolves..."

Danny looks around, spooked. "Keep your voice down!" he hisses. Ever since he found out about Jackson, he's been trying to remind everyone to not talk loudly about werewolves in the middle of school.

He's the only one who follows this rule.

"I'm just saying," says Scott, "you'd date Stiles, right?"

"I gotta go," says Danny, and goes without even taking his tray.

"Score," says Scott, and steals his fries.

*

When they were fourteen, a few weeks after Danny came out, Scott asked Stiles, "Hey, if you had to make out with any dude in our grade, who would you make out with?"

Stiles didn't hesitate. "Danny."

"Cuz he's gay?"

"Well, yeah, he probably knows what he's doing," said Stiles. "And he's nice. He's totally the kind of guy who would take care of you." He cleared his throat. "Not that I need taking care of, I would totally be in control. I'm very, uh, assertive. When I make out. Which I do. All the time." He coughed. "Anyway, yeah. Danny." He looked around, nervous. "What about you?"

"Oh," said Scott. "Probably you."

"Oh yeah," said Stiles. "I probably should have said that. Let's pretend I said that."

So Scott thinks Danny? Is a great idea.

*

"What are you doing here," says Lydia, without looking up. Scott doesn't respond; maybe if he stays quiet, she'll think he's Jackson and will want to help him. "I know it's you, Scott," she adds. "What do you want."

"Is Danny dating anyone?"

Lydia looks up in vague horror. "You are not dating Danny."

"No, of course not," says Scott.

"You're dating Allison," she says. "You are not allowed to dump Allison. Not even for Danny."

"Me and Allison aren't dating," says Scott. "But it's for Stiles."

Lydia raises her eyebrows. "You want Danny to date Stiles? Why would Danny date Stiles?"

"Why wouldn't he?" Scott asks. "What's wrong with Stiles?"

"What isn't wrong with Stiles?"

"Hey, just because you're too--"

Lydia holds up her hand. "Stop. I don't even care. What does this conversation have to do with me?"

"I need someone to feel Danny out. You know, see what he likes."

"Why would I do that."

"Danny's your friend, right?" says Scott. "Don't you want him to be happy?"

"That would be why I don't set him up with Stiles," says Lydia, but there isn't any real venom behind it. She stares at Scott, like she's actually interested in him for once. "Why do you think this is a good idea?"

"Because--" Scott falters. "Because it is! Because Stiles deserves something good for once. And not everyone is on Team Edward."

Lydia blinks. "What?"

"Never mind. Just--because," he settles on.

She keeps looking at him, and Scott does his best to look convincing and hopeful. It must work, because she finally says, "I'm not making any promises."

*

"So, how would you set someone up?" Scott asks.

"With who?" asks Stiles.

Stiles is the first person Scott generally goes to for advice on romance; it didn't occur to him until just now that this might not work very well in this case.

"I dunno, what does that matter?"

"Well, you can't use the same tactics to set up everybody," says Stiles. "I mean, if I was setting someone up with you, I wouldn't do the same things I would if I was setting them up with Derek."

Scott blinks, distracted. "How would you set someone up with Derek?"

"I'd probably just tie a hunk of raw meat to them and leave them in the woods," says Stiles. "Is this about Allison?"

"Yes!" says Scott, a little too eagerly. "It's totally about Allison."

"She's already dating you," says Stiles. "Everyone knows this. She knows it. You know it. You do not have to win her back. I don't know what's wrong with you."

"So if I was going to win her back, what would you do to help?" asks Scott.

"You mean in the hypothetical world where you guys aren't already dating? Because you're already dating."

"Yeah, then. What would you do then?"

"I don't know, Scott, I'd get us all to a party and tell you to ask her to dance. She's already your girlfriend, you don't have to do anything, you two are ridiculous."

"Hey, that might work."

Stiles groans and drops his head onto the desk. "It doesn't have to work, there is nothing to do, I thought Allison was smart, why is this still happening. I liked it better when you were sappy and disgusting."

"Yeah, me too," says Scott, wistfully.

*

"Yes," says Lydia, four days later.

Scott looks up. "Huh?" She's twirling her hair around her finger and looking supremely bored.

"Yes, Danny would go for Stiles. I don't know why, but I also don't care." She gives him a sunny smile. "There, duty fulfilled. Please don't talk to me again unless the world is on the brink of destruction."

"That reminds me, Derek called--"

"Actually, I reached my weirdness quota for the week with matchmaking Stiles," Lydia decides. "I'm gonna sit this one out." She looks at him again. "I'm serious, if you talk to me before Monday, I will mace you. And if Danny gets hurt, I will mace you twice."

*

"I still don't have a list," Danny says, before Scott can say anything.

"I don't need a list," says Scott.

Danny looks confused, and then wary. "Why not?"

"Because you're going to date Stiles."

"I never said that," says Danny. He's resolutely not looking at Scott. Scott doesn't know why anyone still thinks that will work.

"You never said you weren't going to date him."

Danny finally closes his book. "Okay, I'm not going to date Stiles."

"Why not?"

"Because Stiles is straight."

"See, that's a really bad reason!" says Scott. "Because Stiles isn't straight. And, you know, that doesn't mean you don't want to date him."

Danny gives Scott a look. "I don't want to date straight guys," he says. He frowns. "He isn't straight?"

Scott and Stiles have never actually had that discussion in so many words, but Scott's not going to let that stop him. "Nah."

It's pretty clear Danny's not convinced. "He's in love with Lydia."

"No, see, it's like--ice cream!"

Danny opens and closes his mouth a couple times. "What?"

"Like, he thinks chocolate is his favorite ice cream flavor, so he gets it every time. But he only thinks that because he's never tried any other ice cream. He'd really like mint chocolate chip, but he never orders it!" Scott says triumphantly. Danny doesn't react. "See, Lydia's chocolate and you're--"

"I get it, Scott."

"So you should date Stiles."

"Scott--"

"What if you were, like, in a gay bar, and Stiles was there. You'd make a move, right?"

Danny looks down at his book, kind of wistfully. "Sure," he says. "If I saw Stiles in a gay bar, I'd hit on him. Seriously, Scott, I have--"

"Do you promise?" Scott asks. He can work with this.

Danny blinks. "What?"

"Do you promise you'd hit on Stiles if you saw him in a gay bar?"

Danny rubs his face. "Yeah, fine. If I ever meet Stiles at a gay bar, I'll do that. I really need to read this."

Scott grins. "Awesome. Thanks, Danny."

Danny sighs. "Any time."

*

"This wasn't what I had in mind," says Stiles. "Why would you try to get me to set you up with Allison at a gay bar?"

"There's no competition!" says Scott, grinning.

"Why is she even having her birthday at a gay bar?" asks Stiles, waving to one of his drag queens. "How did you talk her into this?"

Mostly, Scott begged her, and also pointed out that everyone would be too distracted with the gay bar to think about how old she was turning. But he's not going to tell Stiles that. "Your friends were so much fun at Lydia's party," says Scott. He pauses. "For the part where we weren't hallucinating. But that wasn't their fault."

"I guess," says Stiles. "So, this is the part where I tell you to ask Allison to dance? Because that was literally the entire plan."

"Huh?" asks Scott. "Oh, yeah. I'm gonna do that in a minute." He grins suddenly, because, yeah, there are Jackson and Lydia and Danny, right on time. "Hey, I gotta go," he says. "Back in a sec."

"This doesn't count," Danny says, as soon as he sees Scott. Scott's not really worried; if Danny didn't want to date Stiles, he wouldn't have showed up. It's not like he and Allison are that close. She wouldn't have been offended if he skipped.

"You're at a gay bar," says Scott. "Stiles is at a gay bar. It counts."

"No, it doesn't," says Danny, somewhat feebly. "He's not here because he wants guys to hit on him. It's a birthday party."

"You never said it couldn't be a birthday party," Scott says. "You promised," he adds.

Danny is looking over Scott's shoulder, a little confused. "How does Stiles know so many drag queens?"

"See?" says Scott. "He's popular. You need to get in there before someone else does."

Danny rubs his face. "I'm going to go get a drink," he says.

Scott goes to find Allison. It's just a matter of time.

*

Stiles is introducing him and Allison to his friends when Danny comes. He's sober and looks a little nervous.

"Hey," he says, "do you want to dance?"

Stiles steps out of the way, looking back to see who Danny is talking to. The drag queens are eyeing him appreciatively, so if Stiles doesn't step up, one of them probably will.

"Stiles," says Danny. "Do you want to dance?"

Stiles blinks, and then gapes, and then looks around a few more times, like maybe there's another Stiles, and then flails a little and finally says, "Yes! Obviously. Me. Yes. I would like to dance. With you. Yes. Awesome. Obviously."

He manages to follow Danny onto the dance floor, glancing back at Scott with a look of slack-jawed disbelief. Scott gives him a big thumbs up.

"I gotta say, I did not think that was going to work," says Allison, smiling as she watches the two of them arranging themselves, Danny pulling Stiles in a little hesitantly and Stiles sliding his arms around Danny's neck. Scott can tell he's babbling, but whatever he's saying must not be bad, because Danny's just smiling wider and wider, and then he's leaning down and--

Scott looks down, grinning. They deserve some privacy.

The drag queens don't agree; based on how long the catcalling goes, it must be a pretty good kiss.

*

An hour later, Stiles resurfaces. He's rumpled and flushed and grinning ear to ear. Judging from the state of his lips, Scott's pretty sure he and Danny spent the entire time making out.

"I have a boyfriend," he announces. "A hot boyfriend. My boyfriend is definitely hotter than your boyfriend."

"We're not dating," says Allison, at the same time Scott says, "Is Allison my boyfriend?"

"Yes you are, and yes she is," says Stiles, ordering a Coke and downing half of it in one gulp.

"Danny isn't hotter than Allison," says Scott.

"Thanks," says Allison.

"He's a hotter boyfriend than Allison."

"Allison would be a hot boyfriend," Scott protests. She could tie her hair back, maybe paint on some facial hair. She'd still be hot. If she wanted to get a strap-on, he'd probably even be into that.

"Whatever you're thinking about, don't tell me," says Stiles. He spots something across the room and lights up. "Hey, Jackson!" he yells, taking off through the crowd. "Good news! We're like in-laws now!"

Danny shows up a few minutes later. His hair's a mess, and it looks like he's got a hickey starting to darken under his jaw. Scott can't help feeling a little proud of him.

"I hope you didn't want to keep that quiet," says Allison, hiding a smile in her vodka cranberry.

"Not really," says Danny, rubbing the back of his neck. "Uh, thanks," he tells Scott, a little awkwardly.

"No problem, man. Any time."

Danny turns white. "No, uh, that's okay. This was enough. You don't have to set me up again. Ever. I'm good."

"Yeah," Scott agrees. "You got Stiles."

"You got me," Stiles agrees, sliding back in and slotting himself under Danny's arm. "What are we talking about? Who cares, I found condoms in the bathroom."

Danny chokes. "Stiles--"

"I grabbed a handful, come on," says Stiles, dragging him off, and Danny's too shocked to put up a fight.

Allison smiles. "You did good," she tells him, raising her glass.

"Yeah, I did," he agrees. He smiles. "You want to dance?"

She laughs. "Yeah, I think I do. That guy's been checking you out, gotta show him you're spoken for."

"Wait, which guy?" asks Scott, looking around. "Is he hot?"

Allison snorts. "Not as hot as me," she says, and leans up for a kiss.

"Hey, does this mean we're dating again?" Scott asks, once she pulls back. He's a little disappointed they didn't get any catcalls. It was a really fantastic kiss.

Allison rolls her eyes. "Yes, Scott, we're dating," she says, tugging him toward the dance floor.

Scott grins. Definitely his most successful trip to a gay bar. Ever.

I accidentally Teen Wolf fic.

2012-09-17T02:37:20Z

Title: For What It's Worth, I Think There's Nobody Like You
Author: poor_choices
Fandom: Teen Wolf
Pairing: Danny/Stiles, background Lydia/Jackson and Scott/Allison
Rating: Hard R.
Warnings: None I can think of. If I missed any, please let me know!
Word Count: 4800.
Summary: AU. It's not exactly that Lydia wants to set Danny up with her high school friend, it's more that she doesn't want to deal with him, and she'd rather make Danny do it.
Notes: I guess I find Stiles and Danny adorable? I didn't realize. It's exciting to learn new things about ourselves! Title from the Corrs.
Disclaimer: Not mine, please don't sue.

"So, here's what you're going to do."

Lydia has this habit of starting conversations partway through, like they had been talking for a while about whatever problem she was having. After eight years, it doesn't even phase Danny anymore.

"About what?" he asks.

"Did you order yet?" Lydia says, ignoring him. "You got my text, right? Ceasar salad with chicken and--"

"Mineral water with lime," says Danny. "I ordered."

"Good, I don't have much time. So, this guy, Stanley, wants to hang out."

"Who's Stanley?"

"Maybe not Stanley," says Lydia. "But something like that."

The waitress comes by with their drinks, and Danny takes a grateful gulp of beer. The first time Lydia set up a lunch meeting with him, he ordered water, because he thought he'd stopped drinking at lunch on weekdays after he graduated from college.

Halfway through that meal, he had to order a shot. Never let it be said Danny doesn't learn from experience.

"Who's Stanley?" Danny asks again.

"He's this guy. We went to high school together. Now he's living in New York and wants to be friends," she says, like friendship is the worst thing in the world. "I swear, I am going to get so much more selective about Facebook friending, I don't have time for this. This is why my Facebook picture is me with Jackson, so other guys will realize I am so out of their league. I don't know what's wrong with Stanley."

"What does this have to do with me?" Danny says. He doesn't doubt that, in Lydia's mind, he is deeply involved in this problem. In Lydia's mind, he's pretty sure, everyone is deeply involved in her problems, like she's the star of her own show about having it all in the big city, and everything always comes back to her.

"You can go out with him," says Lydia.

Danny has some more beer. "Is he gay?"

"Probably," says Lydia.

"Is this based on anything?" He's worked hard to phrase this correctly; ever since Lydia found out he liked boys, she's been trying to hook him up with every guy who hits on her. It very rarely works out for anyone. Except maybe Lydia.

"He's dorky and probably a virgin and you are a hot computer programmer. He'll be gay for you." She doesn't give him time for any further protests. "We're getting drinks tonight. You, me, Stanley, Jackson. Eight o'clock. Wear that black button down, you look great it that."

Danny looks at his beer. He really can't have another. Just because he works from home doesn't mean he doesn't work. So instead he drains his glass and says, "Where?"

*

Danny does programming for a giant IT company, which is pretty awesome. He only has to go in twice a month or so, and the rest of the time he can skip the train and just hang out at home and has plenty of time to meet Lydia for bizarre lunch things. Mostly, it's an awesome job.

But then Stiles came along.

Stiles started a couple weeks ago. Danny hasn't actually met him yet, because they're never in the office at the same time, but he's constantly getting ghcat messages, because Stiles is a crazy person. He doesn't report to Danny, but someone at some point told him that if he had questions, Danny was the person to ask. Danny doesn't know if this person hates him, or just wanted to get Stiles as far away from themselves as possible, but either way, if he ever finds out who it was, he's never going to forgive them.

s.stilinski: dude!
d.mahealani: I'm busy, Stiles. I'm set to busy.
s.stilinski: who coded this? my blind grandma codes better
d.mahealani: The icon next to my name is red.
s.stilinski: i know u didnt code it, u leave awesome comments
s.stilinski: i liked the one about project runway
s.stilinski: mondo WAS robbed
d.mahealani: What do you need, Stiles?
s.stilinski: what would u wear if u were going to see the girl of your dreams for the first time in 8 years?
d.mahealani: I'm gay.
s.stilinski: so u know EXACTLY what i should wear
d.mahealani: I don't even know what you look like. Choose something that flatters you, but isn't too aggressive. Is this someone you had a relationship with?
s.stilinski: i worshiped from afar
d.mahealani: Then just don't look like a stalker.

He refrains from adding, and don't be you. He's hoping some of Stiles' weirdness is just from being in a new place. Once he settles in, he'll probably be calm and professional and normal.

Danny doesn't think of himself as an optimist, exactly. Life just sucks a lot more if you think about all the ways it might not get better.

*

"I'm only staying for twenty minutes," Jackson says, when Danny shows up. He's dressed to impress, a suit that screams, "I make more in a month than you will ever make in your entire lifetime and the next," clean-shaven and perfectly put together. Lydia adores Jackson, and Danny still can't figure out why Jackson feels so territorial. Especially if Stanley is a dorky maybe-virgin. That's the opposite of Lydia's type.

"Okay," says Danny, not exactly surprised. Lydia has this fondness for dive bars that Jackson doesn't share. Tonight's place is no exception--Jackson's probably worried he's going to get mugged. "Where's Lydia?"

"Running late," says Jackson, rolling his eyes. "Conference call."

Jackson is successful because his family is rich, and he has incredible connections. Danny is in good financial shape because he's great with computers and has a steady job.

Lydia is getting her PhD, but she's apparently so smart she's also already employed, and doing mathematics so advanced that it doesn't even look like math anymore. There are no numbers at all. Lydia is the smartest, most driven person Danny has ever met. He mostly respects it, even though she's terrifying. She's going to take over the world one of these days.

"Hi, are you Danny and Jackson?" says a guy. He's a little dorky, but Danny works in IT, so he's used to that. He has a friendly, open smile, but it's a little nervous. He looks--well, Lydia's certainly tried to set him up with worse guys. The longer Danny looks at him, the hotter he gets. It's a little confusing. "Lydia texted, she said she'd be late, but I could meet you guys here? I'm Stiles, we--"

"Stiles?" says Danny, vaguely horrified.

"Yeah, me and Lydia went to high school together." He extends his hand. "Stiles Stilinski."

*

Stiles talks exactly like he IMs, except that it's hard to convey saying u instead of you in actual conversation. As soon as he finds out who Danny is, he pretty much ignores Jackson and just goes on and on about work, and how he's settling in, and how great and helpful Danny has been.

To Danny's horror, Stiles is kind of endearing in person. His rambling is cute, when combined with his voice and his gesticulations, and it's not as if he isn't making good points. With a beer and a booth, it's kind of nice. Their company doesn't encourage the kind of culture where you go out drinking with your coworkers on a Friday night, and Danny finds he likes it.

Even when Lydia shows up, Stiles doesn't break stride too much. He got hired because Greenberg, their last programmer, was awful, and now Stiles pretty much has to pick up the pieces of his project. Apparently the opportunity to complain about this is even more exciting than Lydia Martin.

"And he confused C++ and Java!" Stiles is saying, gesticulating wildly. His beer slops on his hand, and Danny gets a little distracted when he absently sucks it off. "How can you have a degree and do that? How do you not remember what language you're programming in?" He's having a good enough time that it's a surprise when Stiles finishes with, "Wow, I really screwed this up."

"No, Greenberg did," says Danny. "You're fixing it."

"No, not the program," says Stiles. "Lydia left."

Danny looks around, and then looks at his watch. They've been here over an hour, and Lydia and Jackson are nowhere to be seen.

"Oh," says Danny, surprised he didn't notice.

Stiles sighs, sprawling out over his side of the bench with exaggerated drama. Danny doesn't know how he manages to take up so much space. "I mean, it was stupid anyway. I didn't have a chance. Not if her boyfriend looks like that."

"Fiance," he corrects absently. "What do you mean?"

"Girls don't pick guys like me over guys like him," Stiles says, but it's not exactly bitter. It's like it's the story of his life, but he gets it, and he's not angry.

Danny shrugs. "If he's her type, you're probably not, yeah," he says. There's probably not a lot of overlap between girls who want guys like Jackson and girls who want guys like Stiles. "But he's not everyone's type." Stiles gives him a look, and Danny says, for no good reason, "He's not my type."

Stiles keeps looking at him for a long minute, like he wants to say something else, but when he speaks again, it's back to work. "So why did you even hire that guy?" he asks, and Danny has to laugh.

*

"So Scott can't get mad at me," Stiles is saying, as they stumble to the train. It's Friday, no work tomorrow, and Danny's drunker than he has been in a while. It's not unpleasant.

"Who?" he asks.

"Scott! My best friend. He's here with his girlfriend, so I moved here, and he was like, Lydia! And I was like, no! But he said I should get, I dunno, closure."

"Oh."

"And I did, right? She left with her fiance. That is closed. But I made a friend! So I did okay."

"Okay," Danny agrees. "Am I the friend?" he asks.

Stiles rolls his eyes. "No, I was talking to some other guy all night," he says. "Yes, you."

"Huh," says Danny. "Cool."

*

Lydia texts him at nine the next morning, which is entirely too early.

was he a virgin?

Danny blinks at his phone for a good five minutes, trying to figure out what the message means. Then it comes back. Stiles. The--whatever last night was. It was kind of like a date, but with a straight guy who's been pining for his best friend's fiance.

I didn't ask, he texts back. Why is Lydia awake? Danny doesn't spend much time trying to figure out what Lydia does with her life or why, but whenever he does, he realizes he has no idea.

you didn't want to know you devirginized him???

I didn't, Danny says, and a minute later, We just talked.

Lydia takes long enough to respond that Danny actually falls back to sleep. Finally, she says, oh, great.

Danny doesn't really know how to interpret that or respond, so he gets up, drinks two huge glasses of water, and goes back to bed.

*

When Stiles calls, he's awake and feeling pretty human.

"What do you do for fun here?" he asks, without a greeting or anything. It's a little like talking to Lydia, weirdly enough. Danny wonders how he ended up with all these people who don't understand how conversations work.

"What do you mean?" asks Danny.

"I mean it's Saturday night and Scott and Allison are like this almost married blob," says Stiles. "They just want to stay home and have sex and watch Discovery Channel."

Danny's silent for a long minute, and then he finally asks, "At the same time?"

"I don't know! I've never been engaged. I don't know what they do. Their customs are strange to me. So, seriously, what do you do for fun?"

"I'm gay, Stiles. I go to gay bars."

"Those are still bars, right?"

Danny isn't entirely sure how to respond to that. He opens and closes his mouth a couple times, and then says, "Yes," a little cautiously.

"Okay," says Stiles. "So can I come out with you?"

Danny hadn't been planning to go out tonight. He never even bothered getting dressed. He's wearing pajamas and has a new shipment of DVDs from Netflix. He doesn't usually go out two nights in a row.

"Yeah," he says. "See you in like forty? I'll text directions."

*

Stiles is waiting outside the club in jeans and a hoodie. He's not exactly dressed to impress, but he looks good, if a little nervous, bouncing on his heels with his hands buried in his pockets. He settles when he sees Danny and grins. "Hey!" he says. "The bouncer here is really nice. He's getting his Masters'. His thesis sounds so cool!"

The guy is looking a little disappointed at the sight of Danny, so he's guessing nice probably means flirty. With his thesis, apparently.

"Great," says Danny. It's going to be kind of embarrassing if more guys hit on Stiles than him. Not that he's looking to score. Or that he cares if Stiles does.

"Do you want to see my ID?" Stiles asks the bouncer, all earnest and proud. They're about the same age, so Stiles has been legal for like five years. It can't be that exciting anymore.

The bouncer just waves them in, and Stiles looks around like he's recording everything for future examination. It's the club Danny comes to when he's looking to meet people more than he's looking to get laid, with good music and a comfortable atmosphere. When Stiles spots the plush booths in the back, his eyes light up. "Get me a beer!" he yells over the music, and runs over to flop down.

Straight, Danny reminds himself. Cute, but straight.

He wades into the crowd at the bar, pushing his way through the throng of guys until he can order two beers. When he gets back to the booth, Stiles is stretched out, snuggling against the soft cushions like he doesn't care how many guys have come all over them.

Maybe he doesn't know.

"People have sex on these," Danny points out, and Stiles jerks up so fast he hits his head on the table.

"What?"

"It's a bar," says Danny, shrugging. He passes Stiles his beer, and Stiles takes a huge gulp.

"It's nice," he says, once he's recovered. "Not the sex part, just--" he coughs. "A nice bar."

Danny shrugs. "I guess. I don't come here that much." He glances over at Stiles. "You really don't care?"

"About what?" asks Stiles.

"This being a gay bar," he says.

"I'm in a gay bar with a hot guy," says Stiles. "I've never been in a straight bar with a hot girl. This is new for me. People are totally looking at me and wondering how I got you. It's awesome. You are way out of my league."

Danny isn't sure how to dissect that. "I don't think that's what they're wondering," he finally says.

"That's what I'd be wondering," says Stiles, and continues, "So, how do you know Jackson and Lydia?" before Danny can say anything else.

"Jackson was my roommate freshman year," says Danny. "Then he started dating Lydia."

"Is he an asshole?" Stiles asks, and Danny blinks.

"He's my best friend," he says, surprised. "Why would he be my best friend if he was an asshole?"

"Scott's my best friend, he can be an asshole," says Stiles. "Not all the time, just sometimes. He was an asshole when he first started dating Allison. He didn't call me for like two weeks. Except to tell me how great everything about her was. And that conversation was interesting once, when he was telling me about her breasts." Stiles coughs. "Not that that part would be interesting for you, I guess. But that was the best it got. The rest was all, we are meant to be, I love her, I want to have her babies."

Danny smiles into his drink. "Jackson can be--Jackson," he says. "But he's a great guy to have on your side."

"And he's--good for her?" Stiles says, ducking his head.

"Yeah," says Danny. He smiles. "He loves her, he wants to have her babies."

"Cool," says Stiles. He's quiet for a long time, which already feels weird to Danny. Then he says, "That's good." He glances at Danny. "I'm not dumb, I didn't think we were gonna get coffee and she was going to swoon into my arms. And I wasn't pining. She was just--the one that got away."

"Closure," says Danny. "I get it."

"I've had other girlfriends!" Stiles protests. "Lots. Or, you know. A couple. For a few dates. And a boyfriend! I think."

Danny chokes on his beer. "You think?"

Stiles waves his hands vaguely. "There was this guy in my programming class, I thought he was just being friendly. We went out a few times and I thought he wanted to be friends, but then he kissed me."

"Oh," says Danny.

"Yeah." Stiles takes another long drink, finishing his beer. "I was so surprised I fell over. So he thought I didn't like him or was homophobic or something? I never really got the chance to figure it out. It was the end of the semester, and he avoided me. It was tragic."

Danny wonders if he'll ever figure out what to say to Stiles. About anything. "Did you want to date him?" he asks.

"Oh yeah, probably," Stiles says. "I don't always notice." He looks out into to the crowd, kind of wistfully. "I wish I'd at least sucked his dick."

Danny chokes again. "What."

"I've never sucked one before!" Stiles says. "When am I going to get another chance to try that?"

"You're in a gay bar," Danny says, incredulous. "There are tons of guys here who would let you suck their dicks."

Stiles looks around, surprised. "Really? Which ones?"

Danny rubs his face. "Go dance, you'll find one," he says.

Stiles looks like he's considering it, but he flops back, grinning. "Nah. I'm here with you." He eyes Danny's mostly empty glass. "Another round? I'm buying."

*

So Danny has a new friend, even if he doesn't quite get what's happening. He thinks Stiles feels a little left out, with his best friend in a serious relationship, and Danny gets that. It's the same way sometimes with Jackson and Lydia, because he's single, and they're not. It's not like they purposefully exclude him, but he always feels outnumbered and a little out of his depth. And when Lydia has her bi-monthly wedding preparation meetings, he goes from out of his depth to absolutely terrified.

d.mahealani: Are you busy tonight?
s.stilinski: huh?
s.stilinski: oh, nah
s.stilinski: just me + my couch + bsg
d.mahealani: What's bsg?
s.stilinski: battlestar galactica! come on, dude. you have to know bsg, you're a dork.
s.stilinski: a hot dork, yeah
s.stilinski: but still a dork
d.mahealani: Never heard of it. Do you want to hang out?
s.stilinski: yes, i want you to come over and watch bsg. this is important. i'll order pizza. come @ six

It's not exactly what Danny was hoping for, but he'll take it, because it means he has an excuse when Lydia calls up and says, "Five thirty."

"I'm busy tonight," he says, like he forgot that she was going to call and try to draft him for--whatever it is she's doing this week. Maybe china patterns.

"No you're not," says Lydia, after a second.

"I am," he says. "I'm hanging out with Stiles."

"Who?"

"Stiles. Your high school friend?"

There's a much longer pause. "You two are still together?"

"We're just having pizza and watching TV," Danny says, which, once it's out, doesn't really sound like any kind of evidence they aren't dating.

"Oh my god," says Lydia. "It's been like two weeks and you're already an old married couple. Pizza and TV? Please tell me it's porn."

Danny does a quick google search for Battletstar Galactica, just to make sure. "No, it's not porn," he says. "We're just hanging out. He's kind of cool."

There's another long pause. He thinks Lydia is probably spending more of this conversation silently judging him than she is speaking.

"Kind of cool? Stiles?"

"Okay," he admits. "Not cool. But--I like him."

Lydia huffs. "Oh my god, just tell him you want to blow him, this is sad. Pizza and TV, jesus christ, are you twelve."

She hangs up on him, and Danny stares at the phone for a minute.

Honestly, it's probably the smoothest a conversation where he says no to her has ever gone.

*

Jackson calls an hour later.

"That kid, really?"

"He's our age," says Danny, sighing. "And we're not dating."

"Lydia says you are." He pauses. "Lydia is usually right."

Danny rubs his face. "I think I would know better than Lydia."

"I don't," says Jackson. "It's Lydia."

As humiliating as it is, Danny has to admit he might have a point.

*

A guy Danny has never seen before opens Stiles' door, and there's this bizarre moment where Danny can't figure out if Stiles has a roommate or boyfriend he's never mentioned or he's in the wrong place or what.

"Hi?" he tries.

"Are you Danny?" asks the guy, with a narrow-eyed, assessing look that just makes him more confused.

"Yes?"

"Scott, oh my god, you're like a guard dog, what are you doing," says Stiles, sticking his head in from the kitchen. "Danny, Scott. Scott, Danny. Scott, what is wrong with you. You're hanging out with Derek too much, you're becoming a creeper."

It's weird, having talked to Stiles enough to know that Derek is the incredibly controlling and overbearing head chef at the restaurant where Scott works. He already feels intimately familiar with all the people in Stiles' life.

And this is apparently Scott, so it's not a date. Lydia is wrong.

It doesn't actually make him feel better.

"Hi," says Danny, extending his hand. "Nice to meet you."

"You too," says Scott, but he's still looking wary. Stiles looks embarrassed and more than a little uncomfortable, and Danny wonders if he walked in on an awkward conversation.

Stiles clears his throat. "Scott wants pizza. So he's going to have pizza, and then we're going to watch Battlestar. Without Scott," he adds, pointedly.

"Okay," says Danny. He smiles at Scott, trying to ease the conversation. "I've heard so much about you."

"Yeah, you too."

There's an awkward pause, and then they both start talking at the same time. Danny laughs. "Um, go ahead," he says.

"So, Stiles said you work together," says Scott. That's apparently the cue for Stiles to go off on another rant about how the code he's trying to untangle is the worst thing of all time, and Scott relaxes gradually. Still, halfway through dinner he manages to guide the conversation back to Danny, at which point it becomes clear that he pretty much just wants to know what Danny's intentions are. Danny and Stiles stumble through it pretty gracelessly, but Scott leaves after dinner with a big smile, so apparently it went well.

Stiles closes the door with a loud huff. "Holy unsubtle, Batman," he says. He gives Danny an embarrassed smile, leading him in to the living room and flopping down on the couch. "I'm really sorry about Scott. He's--"

"It's okay," says Danny.

"No, it's not. I mean, I never should have told him that I was thinking about this, but I didn't want it to be like last time and I needed advice! What if we started dating and I didn't know? I wanted to know! I don't want to miss that when I really like you. And okay--"

"Stiles."

"I wouldn't just stop trying to see you because of the awkward, you know? I'm totally better at life now! Allison gave me a pep talk about getting what you want and I don't really know why it involved me picturing you naked because now I can't stop--"

"Stiles."

"But that does mean I'm totally prepared for this! I have been thinking about us dating pretty much non-stop for weeks, and, you know, more than dating, so my gayness levels are--"

Danny leans over and kisses him. Despite Stiles' claims that he's ready for this, he squawks and jumps backward.

"Okay, I'm still not good with surprises--" He stares for a minute. "You kissed me!"

"I thought you wanted me to," says Danny, a little amused.

"Yeah, but--" he blinks. "Yeah, I did." And then Stiles climbs into his lap and kisses him, all sloppy, happy, enthusiasm, just like Danny thought it would be.

When Stiles pulls away, he's breathless and grinning. Danny knows the feeling.

"See?" says Stiles. "I am totally awesome at being gay! I just need to be expecting it," and Danny laughs and kisses him again.

*

They end up watching two episodes of Battlestar Galactica, because Stiles feels it's really important that Danny sees it. And then Stiles blows him, because Stiles is apparently still really curious about having a dick in his mouth, and Danny is noble enough to oblige him.

"Yeah, I can do that more," Stiles says. He has come on his cheek, and it's unfairly hot. "Wow. Dick. Who knew?"

"I knew," Danny points out.

"Okay, if you're so good, you do it," Stiles says, gesturing to his crotch, and Danny grins.

*

"Hey, you weren't a virgin, right?" asks Danny, the next morning. They've got their laptops set up on Stiles' kitchen table so they can work, and Stiles is playing footsie with him.

Or he was, until Danny asked that brilliant question.

"What? Of course not! Do I look like a virgin?" He pauses. "Actually, don't answer that."

Danny kicks him lightly under the table. He can't stop smiling. "But it was your first time sucking dick."

"Yeah," says Stiles. "But not the last."

He texts Lydia while Stiles is in the shower. I didn't devirginize him.

oh my god, tectonic plates move faster than you do, Lydia texts back, almost instantly.

I meant he wasn't a virgin.

The response takes longer this time. I told you this would be good for you. You owe me. I'm awesome.

Stiles comes out of the bathroom in just a towel. "Hey, you should take a fifteen-minute break," he says. "I have big plans."

Sure, Danny shoots back, and then closes his laptop and turns off his phone.

"I could do thirty," he says, and Stiles grins.