it made us kind of happy and kept me off of drugs (longsufferingly) wrote,
it made us kind of happy and kept me off of drugs
longsufferingly

Not A Hoax, Not a Dream, Not An Imaginary Tale
Jared Padalecki/Jensen Ackles, non-AU, PG-13, 2000 words. In which Wincest becomes canon, and Jensen is concerned.


"So what's the punchline?" Jensen asks, as soon as Kripke picks up. He knows Kripke's not the head honcho like he was, not anymore, but he never got used to calling Sera, never figured out quite how to relate to her. He's too used to Kripke, and besides, she likes Jared better anyway.

"What punchline?" Eric asks, although Jensen knows he knows.

"I dunno, Dean waking up in a cold sweat, Gabriel feeling whimsical, whatever twist you've got."

"No twist," says Eric.

"You can't be honest-to-god telling me that I'm kissing Jared."

Jensen figured at first that the script was a joke, the wrong one sent to him as a final prank, but everything else is legit; there's angst and pain and emotional pornography and ends tied up with neat little bows, and then, right near the end, in plain black-and-white, Dean kisses Sam.

"We talked about it a lot," says Eric. "We think the fans deserve this."

"No way the network signed off on gay incest."

"The Petrellis kissed on Heroes."

"Eric," says Jensen.

"Jackles," says Kripke, fondly. "It's not a big deal. What, would you rather kiss Misha?"

Jensen considers this. He wonders how he's supposed to objectively rank his desire to kiss his male co-stars. Would it be better or worse kissing Jared, knowing that Jared is his best friend? Jared is divorced, not married, but Misha's wife literally wrote the book on threesomes, so it's not like she'd mind.

Then he tries to think about it from Dean's perspective, and his head just aches.

"What did Jared say?" he asks. He's half-afraid Eric will do that lame peer pressure thing, where he claims Jared is up for it if Jensen is, and he secretly told Jared the same thing, and neither of them actually wants to do it but they get tricked into thinking it.

"Jared hasn't said anything," says Eric.

"I can't believe you're putting Wincest in the show," says Jensen, finally.

"If you listen to the fans, it was always in the show."

"I can't believe you listen to the fans."

"Touche. See you in a few days."

Eric isn't directing, but he wanted to be there for the finale. Jensen finds it a little odd, but most things about Kripke are. He sighs. "Yeah, bye."

He looks at the script again. It's not like he and Jared are making out or anything. It's a kiss. It's not a big deal. Misha and Rob and Emily are gonna be there--Emily will squeal, Misha will look confused and probably slightly put out, and Rob will bring the I-hate-my-life punchline.

It's all pretty standard, except Jensen is kissing Jared.

*

"So, what do you think?" he asks Jared.

Jared glances up from his DS. "Huh?"

"The finale." It's weird to have a finale; seven years, and it's gonna be over soon. Jensen still doesn't know how he feels.

"Oh," says Jared. He shrugs. "I like it. It feels like a real ending, you know?"

Jensen pauses. "I meant the kissing."

Jared shrugs. "You know you want this."

"Oh baby, oh baby," Jensen deadpans. "Seriously."

"Seriously?" Jared actually considers it. "I like it," he says.

"Why?"

"Because--" he looks down at his game. "I mean, Dean and Sam have been okay, but--we knew Dean needed to forgive Sam. And I think that's a good--symbol, or whatever. That they're okay."

"Gay incest is okay now?"

"It's a really strong message, coming from Dean," says Jared. He shrugs. "And, you know, fan service."

"So you're okay with me just laying one on you?"

Jared smirks. "Any time you want, sugar," he says, and puckers his lips ridiculously.

Jensen smacks him.

*

It's a really hard headspace to find, the Dean kisses Sam headspace. Dean forgave Sam, as far as Jensen's concerned, sometime in season six, but Dean never really said it. That's not Dean's style.

Jensen just never really thought Dean's style would be kissing Sam. Even if it's kind of on a dare.

He always feels like a tool when he talks about Dean like he's a real person, so he mostly just does it to Jared. But Jared's mostly seeing this from Sam's perspective, so no wonder he likes it. Sam needs some love.

"What do you think?" he asks Misha.

"It's a good idea, Brain, but where are we going to find a trombone in this part of Canada?" says Misha, without missing a beat. Misha is weird.

"I meant about me and Jared kissing."

"You are Jared kissed?"

"No, I mean in the finale."

"Oh," says Misha. "Well, that's Sam and Dean. That's different."

"Well, what do you think of that?"

Misha shrugs. "I plan to be confused and slightly aroused."

Jensen pauses. "You or Castiel?"

Misha shrugs. "Does it matter?"

"You're the one who was making the distinction."

"Both."

Jensen sighs. "Great."

*

The thing is, most of the time, Dean knows it's a finale. Or, at least, he knows horrific shit is going down and emotions are heightened.

This time, the horrific shit is finishing up one episode early, and the finale is a simple, straight-up case. Sam and Dean on the road, fighting supernatural evil. It's a return to the kind of ease they haven't really ever had, no goals, no apocalypses, nothing to be looking for except the next hunt.

So his headspace isn't, I should kiss Sam because the world is about to end. It's more, I should kiss Sam because it's not.

It's a startling level of maturity, for Dean.

*

Jensen's own headspace is a pretty terrifying place these days.

If Jared hadn't gotten a divorce, they probably wouldn't even have a season seven. Jensen would have left, but he wanted to make sure Jared was okay, and he couldn't do that anywhere else.

It was weird, looking back on Jared and Genevieve. He'd been there for the entire relationship, pretty much--he was there the first time the two of them met, he helped Jared figure out how to ask her out, how to propose, even. He was there for the the wedding, and for Jared's slow falling apart.

He's never seen that before, nothing like that. It feels like his own failure, somehow, like maybe he should have done something different. Like he should have saved them.

*

The kissing is getting filmed last because Emily is filming some other show, and Jensen feels twitchy and strange about it. He wants it over, and the idea that one of the last things he'll do for Supernatural is kiss Jared Padalecki is weird and mildly terrifying, and Jared isn't really helping him deal with it.

The thing is, Jared has been tired since he got married. It's kind of funny, because it's so clear that he's been trying to seem more upbeat after the divorce, but he seemed exhausted before, too.

It's getting more natural, now. He jokes and smiles, but they're both ready for it to be over.

"I'm getting too old for this," Dean grumbles, as he gets up from a tough hit from the monster of the week.

Sam makes fun of him for it, but Jensen feels it, and he thinks Jared does too.

*

"So why now?" asks Jensen.

Jared's mouth is full of pizza. Jensen moved back into Jared's house at the beginning of the season; when Jared gets his heart broken, Jensen moves in.

"Why what?" asks Jared. Jensen can see half-chewed cheese everywhere.

"What makes Dean kiss Sam now?"

"This is really bugging you, isn't it?" asks Jared.

"It's not bugging you?"

Jared shrugs. "You're kissing me. You have it tougher."

"Yeah, it's a real burden."

Jared shakes his head and laughs, and Jensen feels a wave of fondness, a sudden fear that once this is over, he will never see Jared again.

It feels a lot like Dean, somehow, and he thinks--this is what he has to remember. This feeling that if he doesn't make Jared understand, they might stop being friends. Because everyone comes off a show saying they will be best friends forever, and no one ever is. It's hard to keep up with people. Jared's good at it, and even he doesn't see Chad as much as he used to.

What if Jensen doesn't even get invited to Jared's next wedding? What if he isn't there when Jared meets the girl, doesn't know when he's thinking of asking her out?

What happens when Jensen isn't the first person Jared calls?

He leans over and kisses Jared, doesn't open his mouth because there's probably still food in Jared's mouth, and it's not like they're making out or anything.

It's just a kiss.

"Warn a guy," says Jared. "I didn't even pucker up."

"That wasn't too bad," says Jensen.

"Next time I'm romancing you," says Jared. "Flowers and shit."

"I guess this could work."

"What?"

"The whole Dean-kissing-Sam thing."

"That's how you see it happening?"

"Uh, yes?" asks Jensen. It'd be a lie to say he hadn't thought about it at all, but he hadn't thought much about exactly how it would go.

"No way," says Jared, and before Jensen can react, Jared leans over and kisses him again, only Jared actually kisses him, like he means it.

Jensen's too surprised to do anything, but Jared keeps kissing him until he does.

"I don't think we can do that on camera," says Jensen finally.

Jared kisses him again, and Jensen doesn't protest.

*

It's just easier to like girls than guys. And Jensen really can go either way--he's at least liked all his girlfriends, although he thinks he only loved Danneel, and even that went south. It wasn't like he was pining away for dick or anything. He just figured that having a boyfriend would be more trouble than it was worth.

He's always liked Jared, he's always known Jared is attractive, but they've both always been taken, and he's always been happy.

He never thought of himself as in denial, but the best denial is the kind you don't even let yourself know about.

*

After making out with Jared on the couch, kissing him on camera seems way less terrifying, but he can't really say that, because the best way he comes up with to explain it is, "I'm glad our first kiss wasn't on camera," and that implies that there will be many more kisses.

Which he hopes there will be.

It's actually their last scene that they film. This is actually the last thing he'll ever do for Supernatural.

Becky makes some comment about how Sam and Dean need to kiss and make up--that's how it goes. Sam snorts and tries to dismiss it, but Dean looks kind of calculating and does. It's fast and chaste and Dean says, "There, now we're made up."

And Sam shakes his head and laughs, kind of disbelieving, while Becky squeals, and finally Chuck says, "Oh god, now I have to put this in the books."

They get it in one take, easy as anything. Jensen thinks it probably isn't even very hot. Well, clearly it's hot, because it's him and Jared, but it's not like they're having sex or anything.

It's really pretty anticlimactic.

Jensen doesn't know what he was so worried about.

*

"We're going to hear the squeals of the fangirls from here," says Jared.

"We won't be in Vancouver when it airs," Jensen points out.

"Well," says Jared, "wherever we are. We gonna hear the fangirls spontaneously combusting."

Wherever we are, Jensen thinks.

"They're gonna say we sold out," he says. "I mean, all these years, and they finally go the Wincest place the last episode? It's kind of a cop-out."

"Some things take time," says Jared.

Jensen doesn't know how to respond to that without being sappy, and Jared's really better at that than he is. Instead he says, "Or Kripke is a hack."

Jared smiles. "Or that."
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    oh jesus it's been a while hasn't it I got into a new fandom this last week, which is why I was thinking about updating! In the months and months…

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  • I'm the worst.

    oh jesus it's been a while hasn't it I got into a new fandom this last week, which is why I was thinking about updating! In the months and months…

  • (no subject)

    I posted my last J2 fic to AO3 yesterday, I Kind of Liked It Your Way. Enjoy!

  • (no subject)

    Every six months is a good rate to post updates, right? If you want to see my fic in a timely fashion you should just follow me on AO3 or Tumblr,…