Then I ended up with this. Uh. Anyway! I always feel really bad when I write non-future real person fic that involves their real relationships breaking up. So, as a warning, that does happen in this, and I feel bad about it. I still think Danneel Harris is a total badass.
It Starts Sometime Around Midnight
"So," says Jared, when Jensen walks in, "what's that looking like?"
Jensen blinks. "Uh," he says. "Bags? Jacket? I think I need a little more to go on."
Jared closes the fridge and leans against the counter. When Jensen leaves, he always forgets how much space Jared takes up. Whenever Jared is in a room, the world feels cozy, like there's only just the right amount of air for Jensen left in it. "Two and a half years."
Jensen rolls his eyes. "Don't tell me you were watching my interviews, dude." He drags his bag toward his room.
"Not for me!" Jared objects, following him. "It was for the kids. They missed you."
"They didn't even come greet me."
"They're in the back," says Jared. "Seriously."
Jensen glances back. "I believe you," he says.
"No," says Jared. His voice is tight. "You and Danneel."
Jensen shakes his head. "I'm not really thinking about that."
"I think you should," says Jared.
Jensen has no excuse for what he says next. Actually, he does: he's tired (and he is), flying makes him cranky (and it does), interviews put him on edge (and they do), but they aren't . . . they don't justify what he says. Jared doesn't deserve it. "You're not really my number one source for engagement advice," he says.
Jared flinches--honest to god, he flinches--and leaves before Jensen can apologize.
"Would proposing to you make it better or make it worse, you think?"
Danneel sighs loudly enough Jensen can hear it through the phone. "You're not allowed to propose to me so you stop fighting with Jared."
"I'm not going to!" says Jensen. "I was just asking."
"You know," says Danneel, "it doesn't exactly make a girl feel loved when you're scared shitless of marrying her."
"I'm not," Jensen protests. "I'm just--" he runs his hand through his hair. "I never really thought about it."
"Oh, okay, well, now I feel loved," says Danneel, but she sounds more amused than hurt.
"You know I love you," he says. Because, seriously, she does. She's his girlfriend.
"Yeah," she says easily. "But I know we're not getting married either."
And then she hangs up.
So, today, Jensen is apparently two for two on fucking up relationships with his most important people.
He really shouldn't call his mom, he's thinking.
The ride to work the next day is tense as fuck, their first few scenes are for shit, and Jensen actually breaks into Jared's trailer at lunch to talk to him.
"God," he says, finding Jared sprawled on the couch. "I'm," he lets out a breath. "I'm really, really sorry, Jared."
Jared doesn't say anything.
Jensen runs his hand through his hair. "I'm just--I'm not, you know? I'm not going to marry her. And it's stupid, because, god. You know her. How can I not wanna marry her? I don't even get it."
"I do," says Jared quietly. "I didn't marry Sandy."
He repositions so there's room for Jensen to sit on the couch. Jensen takes the gesture for what it is and sits.
"Did you two break up?" asks Jared.
"I don't know," says Jensen. "Maybe."
Jared snorts quietly. "Only you, man."
Jensen knocks his leg against Jared's knee. "Shut up." Then, quietly, "You never really told me what happened with Sandy."
Jared stretches his legs out and rests them in Jensen's lap, his feet on the couch arm rest. "Stupidest thing," says Jared. "I loved her, but I wasn't in love with her."
Jensen snorts, he can't help it. Jared kicks him in the thigh. "Seriously," says Jensen, "were you reading harlequin romances or something?"
"No way," says Jared. "In those, the guys are always in love with the girls."
"I was saying you were the girl," says Jensen. "Which you totally just backed up, by the way."
"You miss her?" asks Jensen after a pause.
Jared exhales a long breath. "Sort of," he says. "I dunno. I didn't see her that much to begin with, you know? Not recently. It got to be more trouble to see her than it was not to, you know? That's not how it's supposed to be."
Jensen smirks. "Such a romantic, Padalecki."
"Shut up. You miss Danneel?"
Jensen wants to be honest, but the air feels heavy. "All the time, man," he says.
"Are we still dating?" he asks Danneel a week later. Sometimes, direct and to the point is the best way to go.
There's a long pause. "Jensen," she says. "You're asking me if we're dating. That should be a tip-off."
"I hate long-distance," he mutters. "You know that."
"So do something short-distance," she says, and hangs up.
"I think Danneel wants me to move," says Jensen.
"I thought you weren't dating her," says Jared, not looking up.
"God, I have no idea. I should fly to LA just so she can't hang up on me."
"Yeah, slamming the door in your face is tons better."
"She wouldn't do that."
Jensen sighs. "She would."
Jared shakes his head. "If you can't even tell if you're dating her..."
"I know," says Jensen. He sighs. "God, I hate interviews."
"Well," says Jared, "look on the bright side. That Chelsea chick was totally in to you."
"I hate you so fucking much."
Danneel sends him an e-mail three days later:
1. Yes, we broke up.
2. You should buy me chocolates to make me feel better. The good stuff. I know you're loaded.
3. Fuck Jared.
Jensen e-mails back:
What did Jared do?
Danneel calls him a couple hours after that.
"You're the stupidest guy I've ever met."
"I am not," says Jensen. "You costarred in a show with Chad Michael Murray."
"Okay, second stupidest."
"James Lafferty never seemed that smart to me either," says Jensen.
"Jared's in love with you," says Danneel.
Jensen is actually shocked into speechlessness.
"You didn't hang up on me, did you?" asks Danneel.
"No," Jensen manages. "What?"
"Jared," she says. "In love with you."
"No," says Jensen. "See, uh. Jared loves me, but he's not in love with me."
"Lay off the romance novels, Ackles. And go talk to Jared. And send me the best fucking chocolates ever, because you broke up with me to hook up with your costar."
"No I didn't," Jensen protests.
"Yeah, you did," she says, but she doesn't sound upset.
Even if she does hang up on him again.
"Are you in love with me?" Jensen asks.
"Madly," says Jared without looking up. "Pucker up, sugarlips."
Jensen sighs. "That's what I thought."
"Danneel just sent me a text message asking if you'd fucked me yet," says Jared. "Is there something I should know?"
"She thinks you're in love with me."
"Then wouldn't I be fucking you?" asks Jared.
"I figure you love me so much, you'd let me do you up the ass."
"Love means never having to take it up the ass, Jensen. It's just if you want to."
"You so want to."
"So much," Jared agrees.
"You aren't, right?" asks Jensen a few minutes later.
"Taking it up the ass?" asks Jared. "Dude, I think you'd notice."
"In love with me."
"Why would I be?"
"Cuz Danneel said so," says Jensen. "And Danneel's usually right."
"What would you do if I was?" asks Jared.
Jensen lets out a long breath. "Dude, that's like asking for a lawyer in a cop show."
"No one ever asks for a lawyer if they're not guilty. And no one ever asks stupid hypothetical questions if they're not..."
"In love with you," Jared supplies.
"Yeah," Jensen agrees.
"How many people have asked you stupid hypothetical questions?"
"Enough," says Jensen. "Jared..."
"Don't," says Jared. "Just. Seriously." He gets up and leaves.
Jensen is getting so fucking sick of other people ending conversations for him.
Jensen threatens to kick down Jared's door.
"Like you could," says Jared, unlocking it and letting Jared in.
"You were scared," says Jensen. "You knew I was going to."
Jared snorts. "Like hell, midget."
"Fuck y--" Jensen starts, but it feels a little weird.
Jared looks at him, a little challenge of a look.
It would be a lie to say he's never thought about it. He just--he always thought he and Jared were on the same page. They're straight, their fans are fucking crazy, and they love each other more than anyone else in the world without sex being involved in any way.
"I can't promise anything," says Jensen.
Jared just keeps looking at him.
"I've never even been into guys before."
"But, uh. I can try."
"Try," says Jared, with a mirthless noise.
"I want to."
"Because Danneel is always right?"
"Because you're Jared fucking Padalecki, dude. You're--" Jensen swallows. "You're everything. You gotta know that."
"I know," says Jared.
"So let's," says Jensen, and he reaches out, curls his hand around the back of Jared's neck. Pulls him in. "Let's just--"
Jared lets himself be kissed. He doesn't kiss back, doesn't move at all. Jensen can feel Jared's stubble against his face, can feel where Jared's lip cracked a couple days ago--Jensen had made fun of him, getting too used to being warm over the hiatus, getting his fucking lips chapped--can feel everything.
He pulls back.
"This is a lot better if you do something."
"It's a lot better if you're not experimenting," Jared shoots back.
Jensen swallows. "I'm n--" but he is. "Sorry," he says instead.
Jared waves his hand. "I blame your girlfriend."
"Ex-girlfriend," Jensen corrects. "We're still broken up."
"It doesn't matter," says Jared.
He looks so defeated Jensen wants to do anything to help. But he knows there's nothing right now.
He lets himself out this time.
Jensen spends ninety percent of his life with Jared Padalecki, probably, between working together and living together and being best friends. He's already kind of in a relationship with Jared Padalecki, and it's a pretty good relationship.
It's a relationship he wouldn't give up for Danneel--not that she'd make him--even though she's hot and funny and amazing and gives fucking fantastic head.
So that's. Not normal.
"I can think of worse things than sleeping with you," says Jensen, as casually as he can.
"Watching Days of Our Lives," Jared suggests. Jensen can see the tense line of his back.
"Costarring in a movie with Paris Hilton."
"Polar bear swim with Kim."
"Ew," says Jensen. "Actually, uh." He rubs the back of his neck. "I can't think of much better than sleeping with you."
"Winning the lottery," Jared says. He's still just as tense.
"Depends on the jackpot," says Jensen. "I'm a famous actor. I already have a lot of cash."
"That's why I love you," says Jared, far too casually, and Jensen knows how this conversation is supposed to go.
Jensen has always known what to say to Jared.
"I'd say I love you for your monster dick," says Jensen, "but I'm kind of assuming."
"You know that makes an ass out of you and me," Jared comments, but he's getting up.
"I think just one of us has to be the ass."
"I'm more than my ass," says Jared. "Don't objectify me."
Jensen curls his hand around the back of Jared's neck. "Aww, honey," he says. "I love you for you."
"Fucker," says Jared, and kisses him.
It's a lot better this time.
"We owe Danneel chocolates," says Jensen, when he takes a breath. "Really nice ones."
"Don't talk about your ex. Really kills the mood."
Jensen gives Jared's dick a firm squeeze. Jared bucks into it. "That is one dead mood, all right."
"Just shut the fuck up," says Jared, and Jensen does.
The chocolates can wait a little longer, definitely.