Adrianne Palicki/Danneel Harris, Jared/Jensen, NC-17, 3000 words, AU. Adrianne realizes she's gay, and then realizes she's not very good at it. Part of my continuing project to 1. write more femmeslash AUs and 2. write Danneel Harris/HOT WOMEN.
Adrianne breaks up with Zach because, yeah, he's cute, but he's kind of bumbling and clearly intimidated by how tall she is, and it's possible that she's a lot more into his sister Minka (who's engaged to a boring-but-nice guy, so that's not happening) than him.
It's kind of like the world opening up all at once the first time she realizes she wants Minka. It's nothing profound--she doesn't walk in on her showering or changing--they're just at a barbecue, and Minka's wearing this sun dress, white with pale red flowers on it, and biting her lip as Scott earnestly tells the how-we-met story, and it's like everything shifts, slow and sure, and Adrianne thinks, Oh. That's why.
So she breaks up with Zach three days later and wonders what she's supposed to do next.
Adrianne knows something about girls. She knows about herself--she's got a vibrator that gets her off, although she doesn't use her fingers that much because she likes the speed of the vibrator. When she thinks about doing another girl, it's definitely not a bad thought, although she has trouble picturing herself licking some anonymous pussy, and feels guilty imagining Minka, sun dress pushed up, panties pushed down, wet and needy and begging--
She's into it.
The only actually gay person Adrianne knows in town is her ex-roommate Gen's ex-boyfriend, Jared. When they broke up, Adrianne and Gen were still roommates, and Adrianne was by necessity and by belief on Gen's side. After all, Jared's realization that he was gay was what caused the breakup in the first place, and Adrianne knew no one was to blame for their sexuality, it seemed kind of unbelievable that, at twenty-five, Jared would only just be realizing he liked guys.
Now, she's finding herself relating.
Jared works at a bookstore downtown, and Adrianne always liked the place. She always liked Jared, honestly. He was nice and funny and friendly, and he never made her feel left out, unlike Aimee's boyfriend, who hangs out all the time and pretty much only grunts at her unless Aimee's around. And if he doesn't want to help her, what's she lost, really? A guy who wasn't really her friend in the first place. There's no risk at all.
She wanders in on her lunch break and finds Jared in an animated argument with a guy in an expensive suit about some book she hasn't read. Jared's grinning broadly and the guy looks like he's fighting his own smile, so she's not worried it's anything bad, and she approaches cautiously.
"Seriously, Jensen, you know there are tons of good books that never make the New York Times bestseller list, right?"
"And I'm saying there are plenty that do, too."
"Twilight's on there."
"Maybe I like teenage vampires."
"Is it the sparkling or the borderline abuse?"
"Taking shots at Twilight isn't even hard, man," says suit-guy, or, apparently, Jensen. "Fish in a barrel. I expected better from you."
Adrianne clears her throat and Jared turns, looking caught and guilty. Adrianne gives him her best smile.
"Adrianne!" he says, looking surprised. "Hey! What's up?"
"Hey, I wanted--can you talk? I, um." She sighs. "I didn't really know who else to find."
"Yeah, sure," says Jared. He looks distressed. "Is Gen okay? Did something happen?"
"She's fine. I think, anyway. We don't live together anymore. But, um," her eyes flick over to Jensen, who's browsing again. "Look. I think--I'm probably gay. And you're the only other person I know who's gay, and who figured out he was gay kind of late and--" she sighs. "I needed someone to talk to."
Jared stares at her. "Well," he finally says, "I can take a break and we can go grab a coffee."
Adrianne finds herself smiling. "That'd be nice."
"I haven't really been dating much," says Jared. "Or--at all." He ducks his head and laughs. "Truth is, I've got this thing for a guy, and I don't even know if he's gay. So I haven't really been looking into--whatever," he admits.
"Dating, I guess?" he shrugs. "I get hung up. I did--you ever meet my friend Chad?"
"You're not missing out on much," says Jared. "But he did some research for me. He, uh--have you thought about Craigslist?"
"I know it's sketchy. It's especially sketchy because that's how Chad gets his girls, and I even like some of his girls, but still. He scrapes the bottom of the barrel a lot. He might even find a new barrel under the bottom of the old barrel but--anyway. It's free and there aren't a lot of gay bars around here, and I'm pretty much giant and scary and willing to be a wingman."
She raises her eyebrows. "A wingman?"
"Yeah, you know. You meet a girl at a bar, and if it turns out she's a creep or a dude, I don't mind hanging out and having your back. Not that I don't think you can take care of yourself, because you're a fucking badass, but--" he laughs. "I'm making an idiot of myself, huh?"
"No, no, I appreciate it. And that might actually make me feel better. If I try it."
Jared laughs. "Yeah, I really hope there's a better way to go. But--I get it. So if you need anyone to talk to or whatever--"
"A wingman?" Adrianne suggests.
"Exactly," he agrees. "You can just let me know."
Adrianne finds herself feeling a lot better, even though nothing's really happened. "Thanks. That's good to hear."
Adrianne started living with Aimee because Gen, after the Jared fiasco, decided she wanted to stop working and do graduate school, and moved up north. Aimee is nice enough, and Adrianne feels like she should keep her informed about important things like her changing sexuality.
"So, I'm gay now," says Adrianne.
"Oh," says Aimee. "How'd that happen?"
"I figured out I like girls."
"Huh," says Aimee. "That's cool. Do you, like, have a girlfriend?"
"No. I just like them."
"Okay," says Aimee. "That's cool, I guess." She makes a face. "What happened to Zach?"
"I broke up with him. Because I'm a lesbian."
"Right," says Aimee. "Cool. That's cool. Not for him. But generally!"
"Right," agrees Adrianne.
At least she's supportive.
Three weeks later, she gives up and goes on Craigslist.
There's a lot of crap on Craigslist, and a lot of stuff that she's not really ready for, like 18-year-olds who want to be dominated and married women who are looking to experiment with bisexuality.
Then, there's this one girl. It's not actually a totally encouraging listing--it's actually kind of weird. But Adrianne's used to trusting her gut--it's why she went out with Taylor, even though he looked kind of like a greasy douchebag, and Taylor turned out surprisingly well. If Adrianne wasn't a lesbian, she might have stuck with him. In retrospect, the end of their relationship makes more sense.
So, I just got out of a pretty long relationship with a guy, and I'm pretty much thinking I'm done with serious for a while. I've always been interested in girls, haven't really gotten the chance to try it. And now I'm on Craigslist. As if life wasn't depressing enough already.
I'm not posting a picture, but I hear I'm pretty cute. Drop me an e-mail, we can go from there.
And Adrianne figures, well, what's she got to lose?
She's not stupid, so she makes a fake e-mail address and sends a really, really generic e-mail.
Hey, so I've never really tried the Craigslist thing before either, but I'm kind of in the same boat as you. I just realized I like girls, just ended a relationship with a guy, and now I really want to see what I've been missing out on. If you're interested, we can do whatever people do on here. E-mail?
In case it wasn't obvious, this is my first time.
She debates how to sign it--she doesn't want to give her name, but it's kind of weird to just say nothing there. And then she realizes she hasn't given anything like useful information, or even relevant information, and wishes that internet dating was more like anonymous hooking up in a bar.
Anyway, I'm tall and blonde and pretty hot. I've had a couple boyfriends say I'm a dream come true, but that really depends what you're looking for, right? Anyway, if you're interested, just shoot me an e-mail. Hope you find what you're looking for.
She looks over the e-mail, decides she sounds kind of toolish, but anyone who's cruising Craigslist for hookups is probably okay with that, so she sends it off.
I thought hot blonde was everyone's type. Definitely mine, so you're doing okay so far.
I used to think the next logical step from e-mail was sending photos, but I had a really bad experience with this guy who said he was a girl and sent pictures, but they weren't of him. I broke his nose, so if you're a guy, watch out.
Anyway, voice confirmation. How do you feel about phone calls?
Adrianne has been staring at the girl's phone number for about fifteen minutes. When she sent the e-mail agreeing to a call, it had seemed like a great idea. Now it seems like a terrifying first step toward being one of those people who can only internet date. Which Adrianne knows she's not--she really is a hot blonde. But she tried to get up the courage to hit on the hot girl a the grocery store (who had a lip ring) but lost her confidence that she was gay, and almost chatted up a girl alone at the bar at work, but then her boyfriend came over.
As it turns out, Adrianne has no gaydar at all.
She dials the number.
"Hello?" says a girl's voice. It's clear and a little surprising, but definitely female.
"Hi. This is, um--Adrianne. A." She laughs. "I really should have noticed that problem earlier."
The girl on the other end of the phone laughs. She has a gorgeous laugh. "It's okay. First time, right?"
"Yeah. Not yours?"
"I haven't had one work out yet," says the girl. "I'm Danneel, by the way."
"Hi, Danneel. What's gone wrong?"
"Well, there was the guy. There was a girl who wanted me to spank her, and I don't really do that on the first date. There was a girl who had a boyfriend and wanted a third, and a guy who had a girlfriend and wanted a fourth--"
"Who was the third?"
"Honestly, I didn't even ask. There's no one who could be the third there who would make that okay."
Adrianne considers. "Keira Knightley."
Danneel laughs. "Okay, okay." There's a pause, and she says, "So, you know. Any interest in meeting up for some hot and casual sex?"
Adrianne's feeling surprisingly good about this whole thing--and surprisingly turned on. "Yeah," she says. "A lot, actually."
Adrianne thinks about calling Jared, but in the end, she's going downtown for work anyway, so she stops by the bookstore again before she goes in.
Jared's leaning on a ladder, talking to the same guy in a suit as before. He's grinning and looking about as open and inviting as it is possible fore a person to look, and Adrianne realizes with sudden clarity that this is totally the guy Jared is interested in.
"Comic books are cool!" Jared is saying.
"If you're living in your mom's basement, yeah," says the guy.
"She doesn't charge me rent and she makes great food."
"And she doesn't care when you bring guys home?" he asks, but he's giving Jared a significant look.
Jared doesn't seem to notice, and Adrianne can see him go to make a joke, so she cuts in.
"I can't remember the last time Jared brought a guy home," she says sweetly.
Jared glares at her, but the other guy--Jason? Maybe?--looks pleased.
"What are you doing here?"
"I need a wingman," she says sweetly. "Meeting up with some girl from the internet."
"Yeah?" asks Jared, beaming. "When? Where?"
"Tomorrow night," she says. "Some bar. Honestly, I'm not really worried, we talked on the phone. But there's no such thing as too safe, right?"
"Right," agrees Jared. "Man, that's awesome. I'm so happy for you!"
"It's just a date."
"Well, yeah, but still. She doesn't seem creepy or anything?"
"No," says Adrianne. "Seriously, she seems good." She risks a glance at Jason. "Actually, it might be good if you got someone to go with you. Just so you don't get bored."
Jared splutters, but Jason grins. "I wouldn't mind keeping you company, Jared."
"Jensen, man, you don't have to--"
Jensen (apparently) shakes his head. "I know I don't have to. I want to."
Jared ducks his head and Adrianne makes a strategic retreat.
When Adrianne gets there, Jensen and Jared are already at a table, and there is a really, really hot redhead sitting with them.
"Want to hear something funny?" Jared asks, when Adrianne comes over.
"This is my roommate, Danneel," says Jensen.
Adrianne wants to appreciate how funny this is, but, really, she's distracted by thinking that she hit the fucking jackpot.
So to speak.
An hour later, after sitting at the bar and flirting up a storm, she and Danneel barely make it in to the bathroom before they're all over each other. Adrianne has never kissed a girl before and she has no idea why not, because kissing Danneel is really, really awesome.
Danneel wastes no time in pushing up Adrianne's skirt and starting to finger-fuck her, which is a lot better than when Adrianne does it to herself. Danneel has nimble fingers and an expert touch, and Adrianne is gasping too hard to keep up the kissing in no time.
Adrianne's been unable to stop thinking about how much she wants to try eating a girl out, so once she comes on Danneel's fingers, she pushers her up against the stall, yanks down her jeans, and says, "This is my first try."
"I'm honored," Danneel says, and Adrianne goes to work.
It's weird. She works Danneel's clit first, and gets her wet as fuck, which is hot, but also sticky and strange, and she feels self-conscious about how shiny her chin must be getting.
But Danneel's hands are in her hair and her hips are jerking helplessly into Adrianne's mouth, and she really, really could get used to this.
By the time they get out of the bathroom, Jared and Jensen are gone, which Adrianne is glad of, because she has the most obvious fucked-in-the-bathroom look ever, and she doesn't want anyone she knows to see.
"So," says Danneel, smirking. "I had fun."
"Yeah," says Adrianne. "Me too."
"So we should do it again."
Over the next few weeks, Adrianne has a lot of sex. One night, Danneel comes to the bar, flirts shamelessly for an hour, and ends up eating Adrianne out in an alley, where anyone can see. Granted, Adrianne is pretty sure her boss is enough of a perv that he'd give her a raise if he caught her having lesbian sex, but still. The sex is awesome, and it's plentiful, and Danneel is hot and dirty and starts calls with things like, "So, how do you feel about strapons?" and ends by telling her exactly how to get herself off with her vibrator, which is so far beyond hot.
"But?" asks Aimee.
"But, we just have sex."
Adrianne sighs. "I like her."
"She likes you too."
"No, I mean--I want to really date her. Not just hook up with her all the time."
"Oh," says Aimee. "Oh. So it's just--oh."
"Yeah," says Adrianne.
"Have you talked to her?"
"No," Adrianne admits.
"So talk to her!" says Aimee. Aimee is so disgustingly cheerful, it's like living with a Disney princess. "Maybe she's been thinking the same thing, and you're both just too shy to say it!"
"Yeah," says Adrianne, because arguing would feel like kicking Bambi. "Maybe."
When she gets to Danneel's that night, though, instead of giving Adrianne time to talk about her feelings, Danneel shoves her against the door, kisses her breathless, and says, "I want to ride you while you're wearing the strap-on."
Adrianne groans. "God. Okay."
The strap-on is weird and not that comfortable to wear, but Adrianne really likes that they switch off who's doing the fucking, and having Danneel above her fucking herself is too appealing to say no to. Danneel doesn't suck it or anything, just pushes Adrianne down on the bed and kisses her deep. Adrianne grabs her ass and pulls her close, kneading her hands and pushing Danneel into the strap-on.
"Mm, fuck, yeah," says Danneel. She pushes back, rubbing up against Adrianne shamelessly, and then sits up, positioning herself and sinking down. Adrianne starts thrusting up immediately. The strap-on brushes her unevenly and maddeningly unhelpfully, but this is about Danneel right now, not her. They find a rhythm and Danneel is gorgeous, head thrown back, breasts heaving, gasping in pleasure as Adrianne fucks her hard and fast. She comes almost desperately, moaning, and Adrianne doesn't let her off until she begs.
"Shit," says Danneel, collapsing onto the bed next to her.
Adrianne grins and pulls off the strap-on. Danneel reaches over lazily, thumb rubbing over Adrianne's clit, and it takes almost no time for Adrianne to come, shuddering against her fingers.
They haven't had a sleepover yet, but Adrianne can't imagine moving.
"You should stay," says Danneel.
Adrianne pulls Danneel close. She loves how much larger she is than Danneel, how much taller she is, how in control she feels.
"We should get dinner," she says.
"Hm?" asks Danneel.
"You know. Like a date."
Danneel laughs softly. "What a concept."
"Something new for us."
"A date," says Danneel. "Sounds good."
Adrianne smiles. "I thought so."