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Jan. 25th, 2010


Are There Sheep?
Psych, Shawn/Gus/Jules, NC-17. Shawn and Gus have this agreement. Jules is an innocent bystander. For visionshadows!

Jules is trying to figure out if there's any way the three of them together can knock down the door (answer: probably not) when Shawn says, "You know, Gus, I think this satisfies the terms of our agreement."

Gus, who's been hyperventilating in the corner, gives him a wary look. "Which agreement?"

"One hour to live."

"We might not die."

"I believe the deal was that in the event of almost certain death, you would have sex with me."

Jules gapes at him. "How did this come up?"

"It was kind of a 'not if you were the last man on earth' conversation," says Shawn.

"And that was one of the times we agreed we would have sex," adds Gus.

"Yeah, we did agree on that."


"Well, we'd get bored of masturbating pretty fast," says Shawn.

"Also, if it was a nuclear wastleland, there's a possibility one of us would have mutated and become able to have babies," says Gus. "So we might be able to repopulate."

Jules doesn't think about that. "What were the other exceptions?"

"Well, if one of us turned into a woman, clearly," says Shawn.

"So the only thing keeping you two from having sex is that you're both guys?" asks Jules.

"No," says Shawn.

"But if one or both of us turned into a woman, we'd want to experience sex as a woman. And this is safer than picking up a stranger at a bar," says Gus.

"Man, it would be hot if we were both women."

"You know it," says Gus, and they pound on it.

Jules rubs her forehead. "Okay, what else?"

"If we only have an hour to live," says Gus.

"Gus originally wanted five minutes, but I don't think I'd be able to properly work my mojo in only five minutes," says Shawn. "I like foreplay," he tells Jules. "And cuddling."

"We are not cuddling."

"But we are having sex."

"What if Lassiter finds us?"

"What if he doesn't? Look, Gus, would you rather spend what is, potentially, our last hour alive arguing, or having sex?"

"What if Lassiter walks in on us having sex?"

"We can assume that Lassiter is familiar with the 'don't come a-knocking if the creepy dungeon your coworkers have been thrown into by an evil sociopath is a-rocking' rule. It's very elementary."

"That's true," says Gus. He starts unbuttoning his shirt. "Let's do this thing."

"Wait," says Jules. "You're actually doing this."

Shawn drops his pants. "The rules of the agreement were very clear, Jules. We spit into our hands and then shook. It was gross, and if we don't have sex now, it will have been meaningless. I don't think any of us want that."

"We aren't just going to make her watch, are we? I mean, it's not like she can leave," says Gus. He--doesn't have a bad body, Jules notes. Academically speaking.

"That is true," says Shawn. "Well, Jules, what do you say? Would you rather spend your last hour on earth cockblocking us or having a threesome?"

"You want to have a threesome?" asks Jules.

"Well, if you just wanna watch and not join that's fine, but I have the feeling this is going to be pretty hard to resist," says Shawn. "Gus is actually the black private dick who's a love machine to all the chicks."

"It's true," says Gus, pushing down his pants.

Jules considers. "All right. But we're doing this my way."

"Is your way doggy style?" asks Shawn. "Because I find doggy style weird."

"Speak for yourself," says Gus. "I like doggy style."

"What do you guys do?" she asks.

"What do you mean?" asks Gus.

"I mean, are you gay? Have you done this before? What was the plan?"

"We were gonna do rock-paper-scissors to see who did what."

"I was going to lose on purpose because I've always been curious about anal sex, but Gus didn't want me to tell him that."

"I still didn't want you to tell me that."

"On the bright side, if we die, you won't have to live with this terrible knowledge."

"That's true," says Gus.

"To go back to your original question, I wouldn't object to having Gus's penis in all parts of my body."

"Thanks, Shawn. That means a lot to me."

"I'm going to assume that wasn't sarcasm," says Shawn. "Jules, what are we doing? We are yours to command."

"Maybe you guys should--kiss or something," she says. She's not sure she finds the idea hot, exactly, so much as somewhat mind boggling, but she's not going to say no to a threesome with two attractive guys during what might be her last hour alive.

Sex definitely beats an existential crisis any day.

"Don't be alarmed if your knees go weak, Gus. It's a very common side effect. Also dizziness and a mild rash."

"Shut up, Shawn," says Gus, and pulls him in surprisingly forcefully. And, okay, it's definitely kind of hot the way Shawn goes pliant when Gus kisses him, like he's willing to let Gus do whatever he wants. It's just so un-Shawn, and the dynamic is kind of a turn-on.

Then Gus reaches down and starts groping Shawn's dick through his boxers, and Jules is somewhat distantly surprised that Shawn is really into this. She's thought, maybe once or twice, about how sex with Shawn would go, and watching Gus jerk him off had never entered into it at all.

But it's pretty hot, hot much Shawn is into it, and when Gus actually pushes his boxers down and starts jerking him off in earnest, Shawn actually whimpers and drops his head to Gus's shoulder.

Gus looks over at her. "We jerked off together a few times when we were kids. I know what he likes."

"Can't believe you're using your powers for evil, man," Shawn manages. "So not fair."

"How is this evil?" asks Gus.

"I think you should blow him, Gus," says Jules.

"Yeah, I think you should blow me," says Shawn instantly.

Gus lets go of Shawn's dick and gives him a stern look. "You better not come on my face, Shawn."

"Please. I am not going to come on your face. I know you don't want to be buried all spunky."

Gus gives him another look before getting down on his knees and jerking Shawn's cock a couple more times before he closes his lips around the head. Jules is curious if he's ever sucked anyone's dick before. He doesn't look too bad at it.

"Jules, were you going to become involved at some point?" asks Shawn. His voice sounds even, but there's a hitch in his breath, and she can tell he's more affected than he wants to let on.

"Yes," she says firmly, and crosses over. Up close, it's stranger--Gus and Shawn and both naked and hard, and she's still got all her clothes on.

Shawn smiles and pulls her in for a kiss, surprisingly gentle, all warmth and affection. And then Gus must do something he likes, because he groans, and Jules feels herself tip over--she wants this to be something more, something dirty and hot, and she starts kissing Shawn like she really means it.

Shawn meeps a little before he gets with it, kissing her back with everything he's got, and his hand goes down to her jeans to open them up. He pushes them down enough he can get his hand in the front of her underwear and slides it down to tease his fingers into her pussy. She's not surprised he's good at this--she knows he gets laid a lot, but she's surprised by how comfortable she feels, how not awkward it is.

She pushes her jeans down farther to give him better access, and she's going for his dick to return the favor when she hits Gus in the face.

Oh, right. Gus is here.

"What was that for?" asks Gus. "I was enjoying that."

"And you're really good at it, buddy," says Shawn. "You should have sex with guys more often."

"Should we," says Jules. Her voice comes out kind of breathy, and she clears her throat. "Should we do something else?"

"Like what?" asks Shawn. He hasn't let up on her at all, still thrusting his fingers inside her while the heel of his palm brushes against her clit.

"Um," she manages. "Maybe I could blow Gus, and you could--"

"Blow you?" Shawn suggests.

"You don't blow girls, Shawn."

"That's sexist, Gus. I don't want to be sexist here."

"Yeah," says Jules, because she knows they can go on like this for a while. "Let's do that."

It takes a bit of rearranging--they end up with Jules kneeling in front of Gus and Shawn lying under her, his hands on her thighs. It's a little uncomfortable, but she pretty much forgets all about that once Shawn starts working his magic--apparently he's also good at foreplay.

It's been a while since she gave a guy head--so she's going through a dry spell, who cares?--but it's not something she's forgotten how to do, and Gus definitely seems to be enjoying it. She's wondering, as she sucks him down, if he'd enjoy having one of her fingers up his ass when suddenly, there's a crash, a bang, and someone yells, "Santa Barbara P.D., hands up!"

They all freeze, and Jules turns in horror to see Carlton there, pointing a gun at her.

At least he looks just as horrified as she feels.

"O'Hara, what--"

"He came a-knocking, Shawn," says Gus.

Shawn says something, but given his face is still in her pussy, it's hard to understand.

"Did you catch the bad guy, Carlton?" she asks, as calmly as she can.

"No, we thought we--O'Hara, I don't know--"

"We're a little busy here," says Gus.

"Right," says Carlton. "I'll just. Leave you to it."

He closes the door awkwardly.

"We're not going to die," says Gus.

Shawn pulls out from under Jules. "I motion that hot threesome should be another exception. All in favor?"

"I," says Gus.

"I," says Jules.

"Motion passed," says Shawn. "Let's do this thing."


( 14 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 25th, 2010 04:01 pm (UTC)
Ahahahahaha! That's AWESOME!
Jan. 25th, 2010 05:17 pm (UTC)
These have all been funny, bu t I could not stop laughing. Your voices int his are so spot on, the dialogue is perfect!
Jan. 25th, 2010 05:20 pm (UTC)
*"Motion passed," says Shawn. "Let's do this thing."*


I've never actually read a sex story with these three, but you made it somehow believable. And fricking hilarious.

What can't you do? lol
Jan. 25th, 2010 08:52 pm (UTC)
I fucking love you for this. It just works SO WELL and your voices for them are right on the dot. Amazing. <3
Jan. 25th, 2010 09:57 pm (UTC)
You have a real gift with those tipping points.
Jan. 25th, 2010 11:22 pm (UTC)
I am laughing so hard at this. Hilarious, and super hot!
Jan. 26th, 2010 12:05 am (UTC)
Best. Threesome. Ever!

Thank you so much! [twirls] Seriously wonderful. Loved the banter, the matter-of-fact way it all goes down. And the reasons! The reasons for them to have sex were great.

Thank you!
Jan. 26th, 2010 01:30 am (UTC)
this was so perfectly them! it was hilarious and hot all at the same time.
Jan. 26th, 2010 02:02 am (UTC)
OK so that's officially awesome and hilarious!
Jan. 27th, 2010 01:09 am (UTC)
Oh, God, the library was so the wrong place to read this. The banter just slaaaayed me in this, as did Juliet being all commanding.
Jan. 28th, 2010 06:20 am (UTC)
Oh. My. God. I can totally hear their voices in my head as I'm reading along. You are magical.
Feb. 1st, 2010 04:26 pm (UTC)
"He came a-knocking, Shawn," says Gus.

I'm so glad my roomie isn't here, because I laughed like a chipmunk on helium when I read that. You have an exceptional handle on all three characters' voices--I could literally hear their voices in my head. This is excellent, excellent stuff.
Feb. 10th, 2010 06:29 am (UTC)
I was not sure I was going to like this at all (I adore Gus and Shawn as platonic soul mates), but this is *perfect*! I definitely see them having exceptions and this works sooooo well! All your voices are spot-on! ♥ ♥ &hearts
Feb. 11th, 2010 10:43 am (UTC)
( 14 comments — Leave a comment )